The One Who Should Not Be
by Lady EagleWings
Summary: This type of thing is supposed to happen to teenage fangirls in fanfiction. Not to thirty-year-old marines that never got beyond episode two before calling it quits. Throw in treacherous ninja, paranoia, and the craziness that was the Uchiha Clan and… well. And to think it all started out so well. In any case Uchiha Chiyomi was most definitely not amused by this whole situation.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hi guys! Getting a little less shy about posting and this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone!**

 **Let me know what you think!**

The One Who Should Not Be

Prologue: Rebirth

Fleur LeBeau thought that this only happened to teenage girls in fanfiction. 'This' as in the whole 'get dumped into your favorite fandom as a relative of your favorite character' thing. It should _not_ happen to a Thirty-two-year-old Marine just back from a tour in Afghanistan. Because really, she was over thirty. She was too old for this shit.

Fleur LeBeau didn't die dramatically with regrets and all that jazz. She didn't have dramatic angst to wax poetry about. She didn't even have a sob story. She had lived her life with her fair share of challenges. She had served her country and had been proud of her service. She had made friends, made enemies and just lived her life. She really couldn't blame cancer for being cancer. It just sucked that it got her in the end.

Fleur LeBeau had been raised in a mostly-Christian household. Thus, she hoped for pearly gates and didn't really want to see hell fire.

She was _not_ amused with the… blankness.

She was understandably upset when she was then squeezed out and smacked in the ass and thoroughly rubbed down. Like any man-handled woman she had let out a rather angry yell. Or, what had been intended as a roar of rage turned into…

"WAAAAHHHHHH!"

Oh she did not just…

"WAHHHHH!" Oh good, wasn't her.

"Gwahahhhhhhh!" Oh crap. _That_ was her.

The world wasn't blank but it wasn't much either. It was a series of colored blobs that moved about. Whatever kind of afterlife this was Fleur LeBeau was not satisfied and would very much like to see the pearly gates now please.

No luck. Just babbling of what Fleur hoped was some kind of language. Great. Anytime someone wanted to explain? No? Of course.

The non-life from there was a series of sounds and blurs. There was the feeling of fatigue and hunger so if this was the after-life it sucked.

It sucked even more when her vision cleared up and she promptly screamed when she saw a _massive_ face. Great. The afterlife was filled with giants. She was going to be eaten by giants.

There was a lot of babbling and someone else crying in the background.

It took Fleur a good while to figure out what had happened. A good while because it took her a good while to take a good look at her limbs.

She promptly burst out crying because _son of a bitch_ she was now a chubby baby. And if the wailing from beside her was any indication…

"WAHHHHHHH! AHHHHH!"

She wasn't the only baby in the room. That… could actually be helpful. No need to be labeled a freak.

Turned out, baby number two was clingy when given something. Fleur had made the mistake of poking the kid _once_ and was now the designated comfort-pillow and slobber-toy. Still, baby number two was cute. He was a rather smiley baby with a gummy grin and stubby limbs. Fleur didn't think that she was quite the same but she could be wrong.

There was also an older kid. Black eyes and black hair. Obviously related to baby number two. Fleur kind of hoped that she wasn't adopted and if she was it wouldn't look too obvious. Having blond hair would stick out like a neon sign in this place. Dear lord don't have her have blond hair…

The two adults were hopefully parents and not in charge of the orphanage or something like that. Being an orphan would suck. Fleur was _used_ to having a loving family, she wasn't willing to give that up.

Just when she was settling into her nice new non-life she got a rather nasty shock. Finally her baby brain and her baby ears had developed enough for her to process the babble as words and language. Her eyes had also gone back to working at normal capacity so… of course that was when things went downhill.

Hopefully-Mother was holding a giggling Baby Number Two was in her arms and trying to avoid having the pull the hair off her scalp. Fleur was obligingly reaching for the stuffed animal that Older-Kid was waving about. Then Hopefully-mother turned around and on the back of her clothing was… was… it was a table-tennis racket. Well, it looked like one at least. Red paddle-like shape with a white grip thing. Who the hell wore a table-tennis racket on the back? Was Hopefully-Mother some kind of athlete?

Evidently not. Mainly because one day they were let out of the house. Okay, they were still babies and had to be carried but they were let out of the wooden house and walked down the street.

Most of it was babble but…

"Uchiha-san!"

That, that most definitely wasn't babble.

Fleur could have dismissed it, she really could have. Except…

"Kono ko wa Sasuke. Sochi ra wa Chiyomi."

Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke. Tennis-racket thingy. SON OF A BITCH!

Oh she had better _not_ be in some fictional cartoon. She refused to be part of Bleach! Wait… no that didn't sound right. What was it? Oh. Oh yeah, Bleach was the one with the weird-sword-wielding ghost-thingies. Then what the hell was… Ramen? Wait, no, who the hell named a series Ramen? What was it? Natto? Close but didn't seem right. Oh who cared! The _point_ was that she was in some sort of fictional universe related to a _pretty major character_ and with no idea how the plot develops past episode two. Great. Just great.

For heavens sake she was _thirty_. Not some teenage girl. By the time she had been introduced to… what was it? Nabana? Naturi? Na-something, she was already a Marine and the blond kid was annoying. He yelled, he was obnoxious, he had no respect for his elders and it was such an inaccurate depiction of ninja life that she had snorted in disgust and refused to continue the series no matter what her friends had said. In Fleur's opinion, ninjas were stealthy badass-assassins that worked from the shadows. Not flashy idiots who ran around thinking that the world revolved around them.

Ninjas were supposed to be smart, sly, a shadow that you never noticed. Not monologue about their evil plans and yell for the whole world to hear. Ninjas were supposed to blend in, complete rigorous training to become elite warriors that served their lord from the shadows. Not dressed in wild colors with no concept of stealth.

Fleur hadn't been impressed and after the blond kid got the fan girl and the emo bastard well, she had decided that she had better things to do with her life.

Well the universe was definitely laughing at her now. Why couldn't this have happened to someone who had at least _watched_ the stupid cartoon? Yes, yes, anime not cartoon. Same difference.

This crap was supposed to happen to teenage girls in their fantasies. This was supposed to happen to fangirls who wrote themselves into the story trying to 'fix-it' to their liking. This wasn't supposed to happen to a Marine who hadn't gotten past season one, episode two. So why pray tell has it happened to her?

This would _suck_.

On the bright side, Baby Number Two's name was Sasuke. Good to know.

Older-kid turned out to be named Itachi.

Fleur's new name? Uchiha Chiyomi.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

 **I gotta admit, this story got a lot more views than I was expecting! So thank you to everyone who took the time to read this!**

 **Chapter 1:** **Baby years are Humiliating**

Stories always had some sort of beginning. They were however, usually not _this_ humiliating generally. Turned out, there was a good reason that our baby brains don't remember those first formative years.

I was unlucky enough that I _did_.

There were good moments, and there were bad. But the _worst_ memory really took the cake. It was from my most early days. From when I still hadn't gotten a proper grasp of how time passed.

The worst moment was when I figured out what fueled the ninja's super-powers. It wasn't anything grotesquely horrifying like eating the hearts of babies, but it was still terrifying. It also fully convinced me that what was happening wasn't one massive hallucination. It convinced me that yes, this was real life and whatever thing that powered these ninjas? It was _real_.

You'd think that it would've been the best moment of my baby years because who doesn't like a good superhero power-origin story? You know since powers don't just sprout from _nowhere_. Like Superman and his whole plant-like deal by getting power from the sun. Spiderman was bitten by the worst mutant spider ever. X-men and their mutant genes. So on and so forth. Going by that logic, I really should have known that ninjas had a source for their flashy moves too.

I hadn't even considered it. Until a very rude wakeup call.

It was literally a wakeup call. A wakeup call because we had been happily sleeping then. Itachi was on baby-sitting duty that night. Sasuke was in a sling in his arms and I was trusted to remain in a baby-basket against his side. It had been Sasuke's basket but the little brat had kicked up so much of a fuss that we had to change. I could see that Sasuke was spoilt rotten already.

Itachi on the other hand had to be some kind of genius because he looked like he was _five_. Who the hell left a five-year-old unsupervised with a pair of babies? Our parents apparently. What the heck _they_ were doing I haven't the faintest clue but I kind of worried about Sasuke and Itachi's continued health if they thought this type of behavior was totally acceptable.

Turned out, they had good reason to leave the kiddies alone all night long.

It was the middle of the night when I woke up. As a baby I didn't feel much. Warmth, hunger, fatigue, wet diapers… humiliating, but nothing much else. Babies were rather well cared for in this place. So I was understandably terrified when a blanket of _energy_ seemed to fall upon us and with that blanket came pain, fear and a general… foulness that had not only Sasuke but me bursting out into tears.

It was like phantom pain. It was a sensation that was like my skin peeling off of my body in the most painful way manner impossible. It was like I'd been dunked entirely in boiling water. It _hurt_. It hurt but at the same time it _didn't_ because it didn't have the bite of _real_ pain. It was like a much too vivid memory of it. That prickling sensation that you felt sometimes when you remember an old injury but ten thousand times worse.

I _screamed_ because I had no clue what the hell it was and it was scaring the daylights out of me.

I'll never know how he did it because little Itachi who could barely fit just _Sasuke_ in his arms hauled the both of us out of the Uchiha compound to join in the evacuation. I _may_ have figured out how he did it if I wasn't too busy wailing. Whatever the hell it was _hurt_. It hurt and there wasn't even an understandable cause for the pain. I had no clue where it was coming from, no identifiable reason of _why_ there was suddenly so much hurt. No explanation for the blanket of _something_ that was threatening to suffocate me like a boiling plastic bag over my face.

It was chaos and even in my wailing I knew _that_ much. The bells clanged in a rhythm that could only mean _emergency_. It was repetitive, piercing and even as I screamed my lungs out with Sasuke we weren't being shushed. Itachi didn't have the time. He didn't have the time to settle us, didn't even have the time to make sure we were _comfortable_. He was just running.

I didn't see much from that night but I heard more than enough.

I knew the sounds. The sounds of chaos, of panic. Civilians screaming. Soldiers barking orders. The scrambling footsteps. Hurried and stumbling, disciplined and purposeful. Loud explosion-like thumps of stone hitting earth.

It was the sounds of invasion.

I screamed and screamed because something _terrible_ was going down and I felt like I was being burned alive by an invisible force.

There was a bone deep terror. Of panic, of worry. The standard things in a crisis. Where was my family, where were my loved ones, how likely was I going to get hurt, how likely was I to _die_. What were my options, _were_ there any options.

But there was another type of fear. A fear that was primal. When you were facing some sort of invisible threat. Like the dark, or seeing something that wasn't exactly threatening but just looked _wrong_. A sort of primal fear all humans had for _something_ that was without explanation.

Except it was burning me alive.

I couldn't understand that terror. Until I suddenly _could_.

It was a sound. A sound that could only be described as a _roar_ that cut through all the other sounds of chaos and panic.

I screamed along with the roar because _what the hell was that_.

Itachi didn't slow down. He ran faster.

I couldn't tell you how long that all lasted because to me, it never really ended. The terror didn't end, the mind-numbing horror didn't end and the energy that was threatening to burn me alive was suddenly _everywhere_.

Even when the chaos settled, even when Itachi stopped running, even when we were returned to the arms of our parents without a physical scratch.

The next chunk of time was a muddle of terror and confusion for me.

There was a lot of crying. Quite a few hospital visits that I was sure made things _worse_ because there was so much more of that _energy_ in the hospital and it freaked me out.

I also think we moved houses during that time but I couldn't be _quite_ sure. I didn't pay much attention.

Eventually though, the hospital trips settled down and while I still cried pretty much twenty-four hours a day, everyone seemed to be waiting whatever the hell kind of terror I was going through out.

There was a lot of talking over my head. In that hushed low-worried voice that I didn't really care about at that point because I was too busy bawling my eyes out trying to figure out why the world felt so _wrong_.

It did eventually abate though.

I adjusted to the whole 'wrongness' of the situation and while the feeling of some sort of _energy_ sent unpleasant shudders through my mind, I wasn't freaking out at the slightest hint of it.

It was… disconcerting. Unpleasant. Like being submerged in warm-cold slime. That really gross temperature of not quite warm but not quite cold that just… rubs you the wrong way. It was a physical sensation but at the same time it just plain _wasn't_. Like phantom pain almost.

The crying died down when I slowly managed to process that the weird feeling was just… well, weird. The terror accompanying that faded away and while concentrated amounts of the stuff at the hospital still sent me crying for my mother, day-to-day crying stopped. Hospital trips were the worst.

Things… didn't really go back to normal. It was more like the feeling of discomfort and wrongness _became_ the new normal and I just learned how to deal with it better.

Once the blind terror had abated, I just had to sort of… live with it.

What else was I supposed to do?

The hospital trips stopped and I was kind of just stuck with some weird perpetually ruffled sixth-sense for… something or other.

It wasn't exactly the most _ideal_ way to live but as time went by, it became… not expressly _better_ but more easily handled.

Human minds tended to try and _avoid_ insanity. Constantly freaked out about some sort of unknown energy-thing that always felt _off_ was a good way to spiral into insanity. So it was both a conscious and unconscious effort to focus away from the new and disturbing status quo.

Sasuke and Itachi provided for very handy distractions.

My perception of time might be skewed or something but to me, Sasuke started baby babble… early. Almost terrifyingly early. Did babies usually start trying to talk before their first set of _teeth_ grew in?

I didn't have a clue. But Sasuke was doing it and so it should stand to reason that meant I should be doing it too.

That's the wonderful thing about having a twin. Just look at what the other guy was doing and copy that.

Our parents got all excited about it too. And yes, I'd finally admitted that the people I'd dubbed Hopefully-mother and Hopefully-father were _actually_ my parents in this life. About time I know.

Since I didn't want to be left behind by Sasuke, or be branded a moron for the rest of all eternity, I started babbling nonsense too.

It was through all the babblings that I figured out what language everyone spoke here. Japanese.

There were a lot of 'kaa-san' and 'tou-san' repetitions which was what clued me in. I'd taken a few Japanese classes back in my old life as Fleur because Fleur's sister was the weaboo of the family. I remembered the basic greetings, way too many honorifics, the titles given to various members of an immediate family and a few random smatterings of vocabulary. Like the word 'kabocha' which meant pumpkin. The most random and useless thing to remember I know but it stuck with me because it _was_ so random and useless.

Since Sasuke was making the 'ka' sound quite well, I decided that my poor father deserved some love too and opted for making the 'to' sound.

Easier said than done. Sasuke had snagged the easy one.

Itachi was also gunning for a 'nii-san' but I'd feel kind of bad for my father if we managed to spit out the word 'brother' before 'dad'. Itachi would just have to wait.

To make sure I didn't progress freakishly fast, I let Sasuke go first. It took him a solid week but he got there. He even made my mother cry with his first shaky

"Kaa-kaa!"

That had my mother squealing and nearly squishing the living daylights out of poor Sasuke. I joined in on the fun.

"Tou!"

I completed it with grabby motions towards my father. Good choice too because my mother was in literal tears at that point and gushing all over us. My father had me securely in his arms so I was safe from being squished. I think Sasuke was turning blue though.

Reaction wise, my father's stern-faced blankness wasn't all that impressive. I'd probably have been highly discouraged and _really_ hurt by it if he wasn't literally holding me to his chest. From here, I could see quite plainly that his ears were a brilliant fire-engine red.

His face was still stone-cold though. It was… oddly hilarious.

Itachi ended up pouting. Sorry bro. You're next. I promise.

Itachi was _not_ next. Teething was next and it hurt like the a of a bitch. Sasuke wailing didn't help things.

Hello sleepless nights. Again. Joy. At least we suffered together.

We did get through it in the end though. Barely.

Turned out, teeth really helped with the whole 'talking' thing which was great. 'Nii-nii' was finally forced out and that made Itachi's day so there was that.

Sasuke was a bright kid. After his first word he had started to make remote sense by spitting out single words and pointing at objects. I decided to do the same. Mainly because that was my limit too. Japanese grammar was a little confusing for someone who had spent a lifetime of speaking English. Everything seemed to be arranged differently. Everything was done on a trial-and-error basis but immersion was truly a great way to learn another language. That and when you literally had no other choice.

The first birthday wasn't all that celebrated. Mainly because it was the birthday of two babies. Sasuke and I just sat around missing out on all the good stuff. I wanted to wail because that fried chicken looked _really_ good. We got baby formula instead. It tasted like sour off-ripe fruit.

Potty training was… well, it was a lesson in humiliation and the only thing I could be thankful for is that they actually had flushing toilets. No idea how since everything _else_ looked like it was from stereotypical samurai-era Japan, but I wasn't very eager to go question it. I honestly wasn't. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that. I took small comfort from the fact that Sasuke had more 'accidents' than me. This would have been blackmail gold if I wasn't wetting myself as well. Like I said. Humiliating.

I actually took to crawling and walking faster than Sasuke did. Mainly because Sasuke was a pampered little thing that didn't know that he was supposed to start crawling and not just rolling around. He needed a little encouragement in the form of example-by-twin.

It fell generally to poor Itachi to make sure that us two babies didn't get ourselves killed now that we had locomotion going. For a kid he was actually doing very well. Or perhaps that was because I mostly helped the poor guy out and didn't go anywhere that wasn't baby-friendly. Unlike Sasuke the brat who nearly crawled off the porch and into the koi pond one time. Honestly, that child. It had been a rather spectacular save on Itachi's part. I had applauded him. Sasuke the little brat giggled and tried to do it again. We were promptly hauled back into the house after that. Guess they didn't want us outside near the ponds. Wonder _why_.

Sasuke seemed to be following my example so I decided that we should get us walking. That turned out to be easier said than done because baby Sasuke was quite happy just crawling about. He didn't even want to stand for heaven's sake. Talk about a lazy baby. He was a cute giggly lazy baby so he could be forgiven.

I on the other hand had obtained quite a few bumps and even the single bruise in my quest to stand on two legs. I could have dealt with a bruise. Hell, I could have dealt with a broken bone just fine as Fleur. Turned out, baby Uchiha didn't do well with pain. I had burst out crying. Wonderful. Also humiliating. Very humiliating.

I was still working on the whole _standing_ thing when Itachi apparently was old enough to go to ninja-school. I kid you not they have ninja-school.

Welcome to the world of anime I guess. Ninja school. For heaven's sake…

Sasuke was most definitely _not_ pleased by this and had thrown a rather long tantrum because Ita-nii wasn't there. I had been the one giving the kid sniffling puppy eyes as he walked out the door. I was pretty disappointed too. Itachi was always a good source of entertainment. He was very susceptible to the puppy eyes. And he was scary-smart. No, literally so smart that it was scary at times. Which meant he could figure out what we wanted just from a few grabby motions and garbled babbling. Itachi's great. Kaa-san coddled us a little too much. Or maybe that was just me. Yeah, that was probably just me. I was over thirty years old damn it. I was way too old to be cooed at.

The first day without Itachi around, Sasuke was inconsolable. The little brat wouldn't stop wailing no matter what my poor mother did. Sorry Kaa-san, Itachi was Sasuke's favorite.

When Itachi came home from his first day he was promptly used as a pillow by Sasuke and if removed would prompt the baby to start wailing at the top of his lungs. I shot Itachi the most betrayed puppy eyes I could. He left me alone with the wailing baby. How could he? I gave him the eyes that made it abundantly clear I blamed him for this whole mess.

Our parents seemed to find this hilarious. Guess Kaa-san wasn't too broken up about not being Sasuke's favorite.

Sasuke was most definitely _not_ amused when Itachi took up training outside the academy too. He was barely home for dinner most days.

By the time we were two I had obtained a decent grasp on the Japanese language that everyone here seemed to speak. Sasuke was getting quite good too although he generally only stuck to baby babble. Sasuke was still insisting on crawling though. I had mastered standing. Walking only resulted in tumbles. I was doing better than Sasuke. For a kid who couldn't stand he had done a very good job of somehow clambering up a chair and then promptly falling off. Itachi had performed a spectacular dive-catch. So spectacular in fact that Sasuke now thought it was a game and had to be scolded to the point of crying to get him to stop trying to kill himself via chair.

I worried for this child at times, I really did.

Also by the time we were two, Itachi being the ridiculous ninja-genius that he apparently was, graduated from the academy after just one year. Apparently it was a Big Deal, capitals needed. So, older genius brother that now knew how to kill people with pointy things. If Fleur hadn't been a Marine in a past life I would have been freaking out about now. As it was, I was only disturbed by the fact that he was _seven_. No really. He had his birthday a month ago. From what I could hear, it had caused quite the stir in the village and the Uchiha clan were like proud mother hens. If you knew what to look for that is.

Uchiha were subtle like that. My father was exhibit A on that front. I'd figured him out by now. He was pretty much the most awkward parent on the face of the earth. He sucked at interacting with children simply because he didn't know what to do. And he was easily embarrassed by obvious signs of affection. Like the time I gave him that plucked flower from the yard. He'd kept the flower and his ears had stayed a solid red for a good half-hour.

So yeah. Uchiha as a general rule _cared_. They just sucked at showing it. I was betting that we had a reputation for being assholes.

By the time we turned three it was time to introduce us to the 'wider' society. See, apparently ninja clans had a tradition. Because of the high infant mortality rates that occurred during the Warring Era children weren't really presented to society until they hit three years of age. By that age they could mostly walk and talk and was considered smart enough not to do something stupid and get themselves killed. That didn't stop kids dying though. Hence the Shichi-Go-San ceremonies. They were like mile-stones. Children were celebrated for hitting the ages of seven, five and three. Thus being three we were being celebrated for our wondrous achievement. It was more of an achievement on Sasuke's part than mine. I honestly worried about that child because of all the times he'd almost managed to off himself.

Because apparently the Uchiha clan were some sort of noble-ninja-clan the event was formal. Formal as in traditional dress. I hadn't even realized that they made kimonos this miniature.

The ceremony itself was boring. We weren't the only kids there but we sat smack bang in the middle of the front row. Apparently our parents were important.

No, not apparently. Our parents _were_ important because it was _Tou-san_ that stood up to give some sort of long speech about the future of the Uchiha clan and how he would lead it. I didn't really get the whole message, too many 'adult words' thrown around. Hey, I was three. My vocabulary wasn't exactly the best. There were some words that you just didn't throw around when three year olds were in the room.

The kids got restless real quick but were just as quickly glared into submission by their respective parents. No one wanted to make a bad impression at some super-important clan event I guess.

After the speech was over we were all lined up one by one at the front. Like some sort of toddler conga line. Except nowhere near as fun.

Sasuke and I were somewhere in the middle.

Then we got shuffled across the front of the room with Tou-san giving each kid a fan. Yeah. Fans. Like the table-tennis-rackets that was apparently the clan symbol.

Sasuke went ahead of me and got his fan and a pat on the head. Then he shuffled ahead with the rest of the herd.

"Welcome to the Uchiha Clan Chiyomi." Tou-san said giving me a head-pat too and handing over the fan. I bowed like every kid before me and scuttled off the stage so that the next impatient three-year-old could get _their_ fan.

The fan was heavy. Metal. Not those flimsy paper things. This was hefty metal. What the hell? Who the heck made fans out of _metal_? Even the decorative ones I'd seen in my past life were made from paper. Expensive-ass paper but still paper.

When fan-giving ceremony was done we sort of sat through another speech before we were finally allowed to leave. The fans were promptly taken up by our parents. Apparently they were of some kind of importance. I decided to ask.

"Kaa-san, what that?" I pointed to the fan and my mother smiled down at me. She was a beautiful woman on most days but today was a special occasion. She was radiant.

"This is a symbol that you are part of the Uchiha clan Chiyomi." Kaa-san said with a smile. I didn't really get it but I figured it was like some sort of glorified membership card. So I nodded and took Sasuke's fist out of his mouth. The kid was _still_ sucking on his hands. Oral fixation anyone? I was going to have to do something drastic to break him of the habit. I had caught him trying to shove a dirt-covered hand into his mouth more than once.

"Sasu-nii. No." I say and Sasuke gives me kicked puppy looks. Too bad I had taught him the kicked puppy look and was the supreme overlord of them. Oh yeah, I'd also found out that I was the baby of the family. Sasuke was a whooping sixty seconds older. It sucked. I was three decades older than this brat and I was the _baby_ of this family? I was of the opinion that it sucked more than being reborn in some sort of cartoon.

Talking about cartoonish things, apparently three years old was considered old enough to start ninja training. I'm not even kidding. Apparently it was common and well, a lot was expected because great big brother Itachi was already toddling around throwing kunai and shurikin at our age and it was about time we caught up.

It went as well as could be expected when you gave three year olds something to throw around.

We got lectured about how this was going to affect our future and it was for our own damned good so take it seriously. Sasuke was near tears and I was feeling guilty as well. It _probably_ hadn't been a good idea to goof off. So obviously at least.

The next day we didn't goof off and throw the practice-shurikin in random directions. I actually managed to hit a target. It wasn't dead center but it was close.

"Good work Chiyomi." Tou-san said patting my head before going over to correct Sasuke's stance. I frowned a little. I didn't know what type of parenting this was but wasn't it a bad idea to only praise one child? Still, Fleur never had any kids and only had one little sister that had been a fashion designer so it wasn't like she was an expert on family relations.

Or maybe it was just my father being the awkward parent that he was again.

It was obvious by the end of the week that I was showing more talent at throwing pointy objects than Sasuke. Mainly because when Sasuke finally hit a target intentionally I was getting bulls-eyes nine out of ten. To make matters worse, all Sasuke got for that achievement was a brisk correction of his stance. Not the 'good job Chiyomi' I had gotten when I managed the same feat.

By the end of the month I felt absolutely horrible. Sasuke was still stuck on his single kunai and shurikin where as I had been graduated onto throwing two at a time. The second one missed a lot more than the first but it was still two. If it was just progressing at a faster rate I wouldn't have given it much thought. It was the fact that our father had some rather questionable parenting strategies. If you didn't come in first place you didn't get praised. Basically, if someone achieved something before you then it wasn't anything noteworthy. First or nothing was the feeling I got. Poor Sasuke had been frustrated to tears trying to get his blades to hit the mark. Itachi tried to help, he really did giving Sasuke the praise that Tou-san wasn't handing out but it was different. Sasuke wanted his father to pat him on the head and tell him that he had done a good job like he had seen the man do for Itachi and I. He wanted his father to be proud of him and not just tell him what he was doing wrong.

I was revaluating my father's character to be sure. Was I wrong and just reading too much into things? Was my father not awkward and just an asshole? Dear lord I hoped not.

I felt horrible. Horrible because I was only so good thanks to Fleur. I was only so good because of a past life-time. Fleur had been a marine. Having good aim was pretty much a given. It had carried over, the techniques, the snap-judgements. Hell, my more mature mind picked up on what worked and what didn't a lot faster than Sasuke's three-year-old brain. I was pretty much cheating and poor Sasuke was starting from scratch. If I had known, I would have backed up and let Sasuke get the achievements. The poor kid needed some recognition for his efforts. It was too late now. Too late to pull back because I had already shown talent. Son of a bitch. I couldn't even slow my progress because Tou-san could _tell_ when I wasn't doing my best and the ensuing lecture wasn't pleasant for anyone in the immediate area.

I promised myself that I would be dismal from the get-go at the next ninja art our father showed us.

It turned out, that the next thing shown was basic stretches and katas for the Uchiha clan's style of taijutsu. Swift Paw didn't sound remotely frightening but apparently it was a formidable style. I hadn't really argued but kept an eye on Sasuke's progress.

The basis of the Swift Paw was a supple body ready for both attack and defense. It wasn't too hard to fake being dismal at it. There was a careful balance to be had. Too soft and you'll be beaten to a pulp, too stiff and you'll be beaten to a pulp.

Sasuke got the right balance with a few tries. I remained stubbornly on either side of the extremes.

I got scolded a lot as well as quite a few disappointed looks because I _should_ be getting this. I remained stubborn and they praised Sasuke more. The kid was over the moon he was so happy. Worth it. I could handle the lectures.

Thank _god_ this world adhered to some form of common sense. The principal to making good soldiers wasn't to break them into itty bitty pieces every time they fail. It was a careful balance of carrot and stick. Tou-san's carrot and stick was praise and disappointment. Over who know how many years someone must have figured out that you couldn't _actually_ beat 'ninja' into a kid. Well, you could try but you'd end up with a shit ninja that would probably bite your head off the first chance it got. Unstable, skilled at killing, and bitter were not good combinations.

So yeah, I had almost been expecting a Spartan training program going by how backwards and ridiculous the _rest_ of this world was but thank god I'd been wrong. I still think that shooting fireballs was the most un-ninja-like thing you could do though. I mean… seriously? Anyone ever heard of stealth? No?

What I found harder to handle however were Kaa-san's insistence on manners. The Uchiha were a clan with a ten foot pole stuck up their ass on a good day and a twenty-foot-pole on a grumpy day. How to sit, how to eat, how to bow. I was going to be raised a proper lady this time round apparently.

I paid attention because my mother could be _terrifying_ when she was annoyed. She had this way of _smiling_ at you with her eyes closed that told you to obey or start running for the hills. Since I couldn't outrun her, yet, I sat in the seiza position and endured the tea-ceremony instruction. It sucked. Sasuke wasn't a girl. He didn't know my pain.

The worst thing was that I couldn't downright refuse my mother either. Mainly because…

"Chiyomi! Chiyomi! Look what Kaa-san made you!" Kaa-san said enthusiastically showing me _another_ new yukata. It was nearing summer and that included wardrobe changes. Kaa-san was ecstatic to have a girl to dote on. Apparently Itachi had stopped being cute and Sasuke was trying to follow in his big brother's footsteps. That left me. Life as the baby of the family ladies and gentlemen.

"It looks great Kaa-san!" I replied with a smile even though I thought that the bright pink obi was pushing it a little. Bright pink? Seriously? Wasn't this a clan of ninjas? "Do you want me to try it on?"

"Of course! Come on, let Kaa-san help you." Kaa-san said with a smile that lit up her entire being and who could say no to that? Although she smiled and said that she was proud of her sons for trying so hard at such a young age I saw that she was lonely. Her husband was constantly out at work and when he _was_ home he was training the kids. Her eldest son was a genin after just one year at the academy and was now running missions under a Jounin. The Jounin wasn't an Uchiha had had only come to the house once to introduce himself.

"Good morning Uchiha-san." The Jounin had said with a bow as Kaa-san opened the door. He was tall but he just… was forgettable. Not hideously ugly but no head-turning pretty-boy either. Black hair, slightly-tanned skin, brown eyes. Forgettable. Which in my opinion made him more ninja-like than the seven-foot-tall guy I'd seen walking around in full red samurai armor. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb. Kaa-san had called him an Akimichi whatever the hell _that_ was.

"Oh my, can I help you Shinobi-san?" Kaa-san had asked. Apparently it was the polite way to refer to an unknown ninja if you weren't an active ninja yourself. That had been drilled into me after I had shouted 'Hey you!' at a group of genin that had bumped into me in the street. Kaa-san hadn't been at all pleased at that incident. It was the incident that had started this whole 'manners education' thing.

"I am your son's Jounin-sensei starting today. Is perhaps your husband home?" It was polite to ask apparently. I thought that it was sexist. A woman could hold her own just fine. However apparently because Kaa-san was now a housewife… well, let's just say that tradition was seeped deep in the Uchiha clan.

"I'm sorry, he's at the Police Station at the moment. He should be home soon though, can I offer you some tea while you wait?" Kaa-san offered with a smile. Tea, another etiquette thing. Ugh. I got the hell out of dodge in case Kaa-san wanted me to join in too.

"That would be wonderful Uchiha-san. Thank you."

With that he was let in and us children were being shut out of the tea room. That was the first and last time we saw Itachi's Jounin-sensei. Not the friendliest of ninjas. But I have to say, I'd yet to meet _any_ friendly ninjas. Which may or may not because I generally only interacted with Uchiha and we weren't the friendliest of people… nah.

With Itachi running missions all day every day Sasuke felt the need to do something himself. So he turned to training all day every day. Training couldn't be done indoors. Especially when you were throwing around very pointy objects. So more often than not he was in the training fields or in our back yard which was filled with a maze of koi ponds. Tou-san had a slight obsession. Just a slight one.

I was literally the only one in the house on some days and I think Kaa-san clung to me a little. I dealt with it because I felt bad.

Didn't mean I liked to have my hair done every day. No matter how gentle a parent was, it always hurt at some point in the process. Elaborate braids and the like although fancy-looking actually took quite the effort. Kaa-san insisted and I couldn't really find a reason to refuse so… I was stuck.

Sasuke and Itachi should consider themselves fortunate. They weren't the ones that had to deal with tea ceremony and flower arrangement. The tea was bitter and I didn't really see the point of flower arrangement. Sure, it was considered an art form but… there were so many layers of meaning to the thing. Flowers had their own language, a language that I was required to learn. I mostly remembered that some flowers were actually edible and took an interest in the ones that were apparently poisonous.

Kaa-san to her credit had tried to get me more interested by pointing out that flowers could be code. I was of the opinion that it was suspicious as heck for two people to be giving each other flowers out of the blue. There wasn't really any cultural excuse for it, not any more from what I could see at least. I mean, no one that ever came to visit us brought _flowers_. Also, since according to kaa-san the flower language was a staple for all well educated women, it really made the whole code thing redundant. Not a code if every woman on the street knew it.

Since I _was_ reborn and I _was_ a child again, I figured that I might as well hit every childhood dream of mine. Especially since I was now in a world where kids at the age of twelve and thirteen were released into the world with deadly ninja-weapons. Enjoy childhood while I could because it was a _given_ that I was going to the ninja academy when I was old enough. Pretty much everyone in the Uchiha clan did. It was almost a requirement. Doubly so if you were the child of the Clan Head.

So, before my grim future as a child-soldier came about, I decided to make good use of my second childhood to have some fun. The Uchiha compound was too dull anyway. And so began Uchiha Chiyomi's reign of terror in the Uchiha Compound. That's what I was going to call it anyway.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

 **Holy crap this chapter was longer than expected.**

 **Leave a review? Please? Pretty please? *** **Puppy eyes** *****

Chapter 2:

 **Uchiha Chiyomi's Reign of Terror**

"CHIYOMI! GET BACK HERE!" Yelled Uchiha Police Guy. I think his name was Inabi? No, Inabi was the one with the off-brown hair and the squarer jaw. This was his brother Ichijou. Thing about Uchiha. They all looked slightly alike so telling them apart when you live in a place that had about a hundred of them was a bit of an issue. As for the reason he was yelling at me…

"Chicken!" I shouted laughing as I ran as fast as my little legs to carry me. The reason I had shouted chicken? Well, because he was covered in paint and chicken feathers. Yes ladies and gentlemen. Me, big tough Marine had done what every child dreamed of doing. Covering someone with paint and chicken feathers. I honestly hadn't expected it to work that well. I mean, you would think that something like that wouldn't work on ninjas right? Apparently, it did. And it worked _well_.

I rounded a corner shrieking with laughter which killed all semblance of stealth but that was okay. It wasn't like I had any illusions of getting away with it scot free. I just wanted to parade him around as much of the Uchiha Clan compound as I could before he caught up. I was making pretty good progress actually.

So of course it was then that I'm snagged by the back of my collar and dangled like a stray puppy in the air.

I'm promptly dragged back to my house and Ichijou raps on the door brisk and annoyed. A paint-soaked feather is jostled from his arm in that movement and splats to the floor leaving a bright yellow splotch. I'd only been able to get ahold of white feathers so I'd had to go with yellow paint. The feathers had been from three pillows that I'd sneakily taken apart in my room.

Kaa-san opened up face already irate. She knew. She _always_ knew.

"Hi Kaa-san." I said waving and was fixed with an irritated look.

"Again Chiyomi? That's the third time this week!" She scolded me and I grinned.

"The third time they _caught_ me this week." I corrected. The adults shared a look over my head. Everyone knew that I'd been the one to put food dye down the pipes causing all the taps and faucets to spew out bright purple for _days_ but they had no evidence. Everyone _also_ knew I was the reason there had suddenly been an increase in stray cats in the Uchiha compound because there'd suddenly been mounds of catnip everywhere but no one could prove it was me. And _someone_ had switched out the hard wooden training targets for large amounts of half-dried white glue causing more than one Uchiha to lose a batch of training weapons. They all probably knew it was me but since they had no proof, I got to cackle like a maniac with no negative consequences. Ah childhood.

"I'm sorry about her Ichijou… I don't know what went wrong, she was the sweetest little baby…" Kaa-san lamented and Ichijou just dumped me onto the doorstep.

"Don't do it again." He said fixing me with a firm glare. I wasn't intimidated. Giant chicken man trying to threaten me? Yeah no.

"Okay." I agreed and looking rather exasperated Ichijou turned to wash the paint and feathers off of him. I giggled because his shoes made a sort of _splooch_ sound whenever he took a step.

"You're grounded young lady." Kaa-san said sternly and I pouted. That was the third time this week.

Sasuke saw my pout and laughed.

"What did you do? Go swimming again?" He asked grinning. Kaa-san had _not_ been amused by my achievement of swimming faster than a fish in the Naka River. Tou-san had been furious because I'd nearly drowned.

"Nope. Chicken feathers and paint!" I said with a broad grin and Sasuke stared.

"Chi-chan. You're weird." He finally said and I stuck my tongue out at him. He huffed. You'd think that since I _was_ over thirty, I'd be too old to pull pranks. But no, I was not. Also, Sasuke was shaping up to be something of a training fanatic. Kid was doing great.

The next day I gave the police force a rest and made confetti out of rice paper. Kaa-san thought that I was doing origami. I didn't tell her that I was planning to use the paper and dump it into the koi ponds to give them some color. We still made origami animals though. Kaa-san had quite the repertoire of them. My first crane had somehow turned into a wonky camel-looking thing. Don't ask, I don't know how I managed that either.

I got grounded again the day after because Tou-san found the confetti in his koi pond.

"Chiyomi." He said sternly and I blinked up at him innocently. The pond was a scattered rainbow and it looked really cool. I think the koi were even enjoying their new environment.

"Yes Tou-san."

"You're grounded." He proclaimed. I pouted.

"But I made the pond all pretty!" I complained and was shot a rather unimpressed look.

"Grounded." He said again walking off. To gather the cleaning equipment for the pond probably. Tou-san pretty much considered the koi beloved family pets. No, I'm serious. He even had special koi-food for them and he fed them a good hearty meal at least once a day. They were rather massive. Well, I was three so I guess any fish short of a sardine would seem massive. A traditional man my Tou-san. Most other families had cats or even dogs. But no, that would be too _mainstream_ for the Clan Head. He had to have fancy colorful fish.

I was made to clean the pond and all other ponds. Pity. They had been pretty.

When Itachi came home he looked at me, looked at the pond and then sighed.

"Grounded again Chi-chan?" He asked sounding amused and I grinned.

"Worth it." I proclaimed and got a chuckle and head ruffle for it. Itachi seemed to have a sixth sense for when I was grounded. It was uncanny. He'd walk in, take a look at me and then pronounce that I'd been grounded. He wasn't just pulling it out of his ass either because he was _always_ right. Geniuses. Honestly.

Talking about geniuses, apparently while Itachi was a special little snowflake, he wasn't _the_ special little snowflake. There was another genius in the Uchiha Clan by the name of Uchiha Shisui.

Itachi really liked Shisui who was a couple of years older and not at all bitter about how Itachi was blowing _his_ records out of the water.

Shisui didn't come around to play often at all. In fact, that had happened oh… _never_. It was kind of sad because they were acting like adults when they hadn't even hit _double digits_ yet. It wasn't even their fault, they just weren't ever… allowed to be kids. I felt that it had been a terrible decision to let Itachi out of the academy so early. It was missions and training all day every day and while he still played with us every now and again, it wasn't like he was playing as a _child_. There wasn't anyone standing over his shoulder with a stick to beat him if he slacked off but social pressure was a frightful thing. Itachi was what _everyone_ talked about when they talked about our family. Hell, when they talked _to_ him they were talking about their expectations of the poor kid. It's no wonder that he hung out with Shisui more than anyone else actually. The two sort of understood each other. They could relate.

Itachi's situation was also a very good incentive for me to _never_ stick out my neck as a genius. For one, that would leave Sasuke out in the cold and probably forever brand him as the 'useless' one of the family which I did not want at all. For another, that amount of expectation was not only ridiculous but just plain… unhealthy. It was my goal to do stupid childish stuff until I was too old in this body or I got disowned. Since I was the clan head's only daughter and what a _Scandal_ it would be for me to be disowned, my poor parents would just have to wait a few decades.

As long as I didn't do something _too_ damaging, I should be fine. So naturally, the next week I came home with large potentially poisonous mushrooms.

"Chiyomi! Put those down right now!" Kaa-san yelled at me at the door and I pouted. They were awesome mushrooms and I wasn't going to give them up.

"What?" I asked looking at the mushrooms in my hand. I had found them in an Uchiha training ground and they were a very vibrant purple and blue. You know, like the types of mushrooms you don't see unless you're in a _Japanese cartoon_ "I'm not gonna _eat_ them."

I was being childish, not moronic. Also, unlike Sasuke, I did _not_ have an oral fixation. Yeah, the kid was still sticking his hands in his mouth. Thankfully it has now downgraded from the entire _fist_ to a finger or two. Small mercies. Sometimes I thought that Sasuke was doing great, other times, I worried for that child.

"Chiyomi!" Kaa-san said sternly and I dropped the mushrooms onto the grass pouting. "Come inside and wash your hands quickly. Those mushrooms are poisonous."

Oh.

I was then hustled to the bathroom and promptly scrubbed down.

"You're grounded." Kaa-san declared when I was all clean and in no danger of killing myself.

"Why!? I just thought they looked interesting." I grumbled. I was _not_ stupid enough to eat a random mushroom I'd found on the ground. What did my mother take me for?

"Grounded Chiyomi."

An idiot obviously. I pouted.

"What did you do this time Chi-chan?" Itachi asked over dinner highly amused. My shenanigans were basically the nightly entertainment in this family.

"I bought home poisonous mushrooms." I admitted. Tou-san choked on his rice. Guess Kaa-san hadn't told him then.

"Chiyomi! Where did you get poisonous mushrooms?!" He demanded still choking a little bit and I perked up.

"The west training grounds. You should have seen them Tou-san! They were all purple and blue! It was so cool." I said grinning and Tou-san seemed to sag in defeat.

"Hey! How come you didn't show me?!" Sasuke complained pouting at being left out.

"Kaa-san took them." I lamented and Sasuke peered up at Kaa-san. I cast pleading puppy eyes at her too. Kaa-san caved within _seconds_. She sighed.

"I'll show you after dinner but only if you promise not to touch them alright?" Kaa-san asked strictly to maintain that parental authority. Even Itachi nodded. What kid didn't want to see colorful mushrooms in real life?

After dinner Kaa-san took the mushrooms out from a jar she had put them in. Was it rude to put poisonous substances in the trash? Maybe? I mean… think about the poor garbage guy if we were allowed to do that, the hazard pay would go through the roof.

"Cool!" Sasuke said looking at the vibrant colors. Even Itachi seemed impressed.

"This is quite the find Chi-chan." He praised and I beamed in pride.

Tou-san obviously caught that and sternly cleared his throat with a pointed look. We sighed.

"We promise not to go poisonous mushroom hunting." We chorused together looking down. Tou-san nods in satisfaction at the promise. He also seemed to wonder how his life had come to this point. Bet the prim and stern head of the Uchiha clan never thought he'd have to tell his kids that they weren't allowed to go _looking_ for poisonous fungi.

"Good. And Chiyomi. You're grounded."

"Kaa-san already did that." I chirp with a grin. Tou-san showing that he _did_ have a deeply buried and very dry sense of humor didn't skip a beat.

"Consider yourself double-grounded."

"Tou-san!" I splutter because… what? That wasn't a thing! Well Tou-san was evidently _making_ it a thing because he just walked off as Sasuke burst out laughing with Itachi.

"I think that's the first time anyone's been _double_ grounded!" Sasuke laughed and I huffed.

"Ita-nii, Sasu-nii… you're mean." I decided and the two boys looked very amused.

"Then don't dig up poisonous mushrooms." Itachi said very amused. I shrugged.

"Eh, worth it."

For the next week my entire family conspired against me to put me through training hell since I was grounded. Seriously, Tou-san had me running laps and Kaa-san even broke her pattern of beating manners into my head to literally kicking my ass at taijutsu.

Turns out, Kaa-san wasn't just an ex-ninja housewife, she was an ex- _jounin_ housewife. Yeah. There was a difference. A very, very _big_ difference.

Admittedly I learned some rather invaluable lessons from that month-long impromptu boot-camp. Like never piss off Kaa-san. Ever. She will _destroy_ you, then resurrect you with delicious food, and destroy you all over again. She'd been going _easy_ on me.

I was betting that Itachi got his genius brain from _her_ side of the family.

Itachi was even prompted to take me out for a bout of training with Shisui.

"Oh, so this is the Chi-chan that I've heard so much about!" Shisui greeted with a smile. He's more expressive than most Uchiha. That was a little bit of a shock, I'd kind of pegged Shisui to be a quiet serene type like Itachi. Which now that I thought about it, was biased as all hell since I'd never _met_ the guy and Itachi hardly talked about him. Sorry Shisui.

"Pleased to meet you." I say because it was the polite thing to say and bowed a short little bow.

"Kaa-san asked me to train Chi-chan today." Itachi says as an explanation and Shisui arched an eyebrow.

"What about the other kid? Didn't you have _two_ siblings?" He asks and Itachi nods.

"Sasuke didn't get grounded." Itachi says dryly and Shisui obviously having heard all the stories, burst out laughing.

"So what did you do this time? Glue everyone's sandals to the floor?" Shisui snickers and that actually wasn't a bad idea at all. Itachi groans.

"Please don't encourage her Shisui-san."

"Too late." I sing already wondering which type of glue I should use and Itachi gives me a dry look.

"You're grounded."

"Not forever."

Shisui laughs and Itachi just shakes his head.

"Alright you tiny-terror. How about I teach you some kunai techniques and you don't cause mass hysteria again hm?" Shisui says with a smirk and I nod.

"I've never caused mass hysteria but okay." I say immediately because throwing pointy things was something I was _good_ at and let myself be good at. Sasuke's got the Swift Paw market cornered and I'm making it _stay_ that way. The kid needed some praise or else he was growing up a dick.

"Chi-chan. Your prank with the pipes caused mass hysteria for a _week_." Itachi reminded me and I batted my eyelashes at him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Ita-nii. I don't know where the main pipeline is."

Itachi didn't dignify that with a response and Shisui snickers. I liked the guy already. Itachi needed someone to cheer him up every now and again. He was too serious for someone who hadn't lived half a century. He acted like it though. Itachi took the term 'old soul' to extremes. And yes I know I shouldn't talk.

"Alright you tiny terror, watch." Shisui said through his snickers and held out a hand. He closed his fist and when he opened it, there were kunai clenched tightly between his fingers. They'd just appeared like magic. Full sized kunai.

Yeah, kunai came in different sizes, it kind of surprised me too because it was one of those _iconic_ ninja things that even _I'd_ known about. I hadn't even thought there were varying sizes but there were. There was still the standard sizes though.

The standard sized kunai was about a four-inch blade and another three inches for the handle.

It was quite obviously a slight of hand trick but it was _cool_. Really cool.

"I promise not to mess with the pipes if you teach me how to do that." I say immediately and Itachi stares at me and Shisui laughs.

"You didn't cave to Tou-san's scolding but you cave to kunai tricks?" He asks me with a little uptick in his mouth which was the Itachi version of a full blown laugh. I nod.

"Well, yeah." I say and point to Shisui "That's cool."

"Oh I like her." Shisui says puffing up and Itachi's big brother switch gets flicked instantly.

"No you don't." He says immediately and _very_ seriously. It takes me a second to process that and then I burst out laughing. Itachi then turns to me and points. "You didn't understand that Chi-chan. You're four. You're not allowed to understand that."

I nod just to spare my poor brother _that_ can of worms and get my laughter down to stifled giggles.

"Awww don't be like that Itachi." Shisui snickers with a gleam in his eye "You'll have to hand her over sooner or-"

" _Shisui-san_." Itachi says and ohhh boy that was quite a glare.

Shisui shut up immediately and held his hands up in surrender.

Deciding to save the only guy who could teach me that cool trick, I tug on Itachi's shirt.

"Cool kunai trick?" I prompt and give him my best puppy eyes. That tactic was highly successful and Itachi caves immediately.

He hands over a kunai for me to practice with and a snickering Shisui takes me through the motions slowly. It's all in the sleeves and the flick of the wrist.

By the time that little 'training' session was over, I hadn't gotten it down but now I was invested in it damn it. So I bugged Itachi into letting me keep that kunai to practice with. He let me keep it. He probably shouldn't have since it was _live steel_. You know, the sharp kind. But hey, ninjas, it was perfectly acceptable in this world to give four year olds knives. Sharp knives.

Well I wasn't exactly _complaining_?

My grounding was up not that long after and I _still_ hadn't gotten that kunai trick down. Which was kind of frustrating. Shisui had made it look _easy_. Damned genius ninjas.

But since I was once again a free woman, I decided to do something to spruce up the place.

It was that decision that led me to stand rather brazenly outside the Uchiha compound walls while _painting_ on them. With my hands. In solid black ink.

I was getting lots of stares and whispers as I shoved my entire hand into the paint bucket and back out to swipe shaky letters on the wall. Kaa-san had _just_ started me on my reading and writing so I wasn't too proficient. Not too proficient but I could make them semi-legible and I kind of knew how to write my full name.

So under every red and white Uchiha fan, I wrote **'U CHI HA** ' in black ink.

To make things even funnier, no one _questioned_ me about it for a good hour. Then, someone did.

"What exactly are you doing?" Someone asked from behind me and I looked around. It was a weird sight. Silver hair and head band over one eye with a mask over the lower half of his face. I couldn't help but stare.

"What are you supposed to be?" I blurted out and then glanced around for my Kaa-san on instinct. If she'd heard me being that rude to a non-Uchiha stranger, I'd be in for _another_ lecture on manners. All while seated in seiza which is kind of like torturing yourself. But in my defense, I'd only blurted it out because they guy seemed _familiar_.

"A ninja." The guy deadpanned "And what are you supposed to be?"

"Upgrading!" I declared with a grin pointing to my current work. The guy looked to the wall a little wide eyed. I eyed my work too. I'd started from the left-most end of the wall and I was about five feet and six Uchiha fans from being done. It… it looked like a child had gone a little too crazy with the paint. Also, now that I really looked at it, I was quite sure that my 'chi' character was the wrong way around. Oops.

The ninja tore his eyes away from the wall and starts to stare at _me_.

"You're going to get into trouble." He stated and I shrugged.

"Worth it." I said and resumed painting.

"You're going to keep painting?" He asked a little incredulous.

"Well, yeah. No one's come to arrest me yet." I pointed out like it was a perfectly acceptable reason for my continued defacement of the Uchiha clan walls.

"You're a weird kid you know that." The ninja said dryly and I grinned.

"Yup." Yeah I was a weird kid.

"CHIYOMI! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Uchiha police had arrived. Ah, good old Saito if I wasn't wrong. He had greying hair and a rather stern face and was coming briskly towards me.

"Time to run!" I said shoving the bucket of ink into ninja-guy's hands and making a break for it. I think ninja-guy spluttered and flailed but I couldn't be quite sure. I was too busy sprinting through the Uchiha main strip shrieking with laughter. High speed chases. Always a work out. Which I think was the only reason I'd been allowed to keep causing havoc in the Uchiha compounds. Running was _totally_ training.

"GET BACK HERE CHIYOMI!"

"Never!"

I was promptly caught and dragged to were Tou-san was standing very unimpressed at the Uchiha clan compound gates bucket of soapy water and sponge in hand. Ninja-guy wasn't there anymore.

"You're grounded." He informed me handing over the cleaning supplies "And no dinner until you have this all cleaned up."

I looked to all the fans that I had 'upgraded' and then shrugged.

"Worth it." I grinned and Tou-san sighed shaking his head.

"Just get this cleaned up Chiyomi." He sighed and I nodded.

"Okay!"

It was cleaned up twenty minutes later. The ink I'd used washed out great. Hey, I wasn't stupid. Of course it wasn't allowed to stay. I wasn't going to make clean up _hard_ because who _else_ was going to clean it up? Some poor police force rookie? I didn't think so. Say what you like about my awkward hedgehog of a father but he knew how to teach his kids responsibility. You make the mess, you clean it up. I liked that about my Tou-san.

I also liked the fact that although he had a face that was pretty much made out of stone, he _did_ have some deeply buried sense of humor. If things _really_ amused him, he'd sometimes even let me _keep doing_ it even though he probably shouldn't.

Having Sasuke around to double up on the puppy eyes helped too.

Which was why when summer rolled around and temperatures skyrocketed, I had a brilliant idea that I just _had_ to drag Sasuke into.

"Hey, Sasu-nii. Wanna do something _really cool_?" I ask with a grin. Sasuke stopped mid-shurikin-throw and turned cautiously. His arm was still raised and he sort of took stock of what he was seeing.

I held up a black baking tray eagerly and grinned. Sasuke lowered his arm.

"Is this going to get _me_ grounded?" He asked cautiously. Sasuke had never been grounded and he was _proud_ of that fact. Why I don't know, I was the only one in this family that ever got grounded.

"Not if Kaa-san doesn't catch us." I say eagerly bouncing on my toes. If I could get Sasuke in on it, then there was no chance of a grounding. Double puppy eyes were a trump card in this family and since I'd discovered it, I planned on _abusing_ it.

Sasuke glances around suspiciously like he thinks Kaa-san would just pop out of the bushes and lecture us. She didn't.

"She's not home?" Sasuke asks as hope shines in his eyes and I shook my head.

"Nope. Gone to visit granny Haru."

"Who?"

Sasuke wasn't being an insensitive dick, he really wasn't. The Uchiha numbered at _least_ a hundred and asking a four-year-old to remember all of them just wasn't happening. Apparently, this was the Clan in a population _slump_. Not a slump for long I was sure, there's quite the baby boom going on right now. Why no one told me and it wasn't like I could just _ask_. One, it would be considered rude to ask why so many people were getting pregnant all of a sudden and two, I was four. I wasn't supposed to know where babies came from yet.

"Granny Haru from that dango shop Ita-nii likes. She broke her… uh…" Actually, what did that old lady break again? "She broke something. Kaa-san went to do her rounds."

"You forgot what she broke." Sasuke says dryly and looks like he's about to start laughing. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"It's not my fault! Kaa-san used adult-words!" I huff and then hold up the tray. "So you in or not?"

"What am I going to be 'in' for?" Sasuke sighs and I grin.

"You know how it's _really, really, really_ hot?" I ask and Sasuke arches an eyebrow and squints at the sun.

"Yes. I noticed."

I ignore that.

"Well, since it's really, really, really hot, the roof gets really hot too." I say and Sasuke stares at me like I'm a moron. "So _that_ means, we can fry an egg."

Sasuke blinks. Rolls it over in his head going by his scrunched up nose, and then blinks again.

"Nope. I still don't get it."

I point to sun.

"Hot sun."

I point to the tray.

"Hot metal tray. Add egg and?"

Realization dawns. Sasuke stares.

"That's crazy. There's no way it'll work." He splutters and I grin.

"Wanna bet?"

"Kaa-san's going to _kill_ us if we climb onto the roof."

"It'll be a good training opportunity. Sneaky." I say like a wise old man and Sasuke showing that he was a smart cookie doesn't buy it. I change tactics. "Also, think about how _cool_ it'll be. Pleaseeeee."

The thought of the bragging rights outweighed the risk of death by Kaa-san.

This place was hot in the summers. Sweltering, peeling sun-burn hot. Not desert hot but… Australia-hot? We were in an area that was nearly tropical but… _not_. I don't know, it's weird. Also, I hadn't seen much of this world so for all I knew, we just got lucky geographically. Everywhere else could be a fiery pit of death and I would believe it I was _that_ ignorant about this world.

But since it was so hot, every kid liked to complain that they could fry an egg on the streets. They'd complain that their rubber soles were melting into the ground. Since no one had _actually_ fried an egg on the streets let alone the black _rooves_ , we'd get bragging rights. And clan-wide fame.

Going by the sudden eagerness in Sasuke's face, he was _so_ in.

Mission accomplished.

"Let's go. But we gotta be quick. I'll get the eggs." Sasuke says dashing into the house and I cackle. Welcome to the dark side brother mine. Welcome to the dark side.

It took a little bit of inventive path finding to get up onto the roof. We had to move a boulder from the rock garden to get into a large tree that was right up against a wall. Then I inched across towards the roof while Sasuke held the stuff. There was a bit of a moment where I _nearly_ fell off the end but I didn't and Sasuke chucked me the tray and eggs before slowly crawling over onto the roof.

Once we were all safely settled, I set out the tray and we waited.

It took a good hour for the tray to be deemed hot enough and Sasuke eagerly cracked the eggs messily onto the tray. Sasuke wouldn't make a good cook but hey, at least the egg was spread thin. Maybe it'll fry faster that way.

For a while nothing happened and Sasuke wasn't the only one disappointed.

Then at the fifteen minute mark, we whooped because it'd started _smoking_.

It was the whooping that got us busted.

Tou-san was suddenly standing there on the roof with us looming over our crouched forms highly unimpressed. He cleared his throat and we stiffened. Then we slowly peeked over.

"What do you two think you're doing?" Tou-san asks sternly and Sasuke elbows me.

"Testing an idea?" I try and Tou-san looks at the smoking egg and sighs.

"Chiyomi, are you frying an egg on our roof?" He asks like he doesn't want to believe his eyes and I look back at the egg.

"Bragging rights?" I ask because hey, if it worked on Sasuke, it might work on Tou-san.

Just then the egg starts to honest to god _sizzle_ and even Tou-san leans over to get a better look. After a while the sizzling slows.

"Chiyomi, you're grounded." Tou-san says and I huff.

"But Sasu-nii's here too!"

"HEY!"

"It wasn't Sasuke's idea." Tou-san said with full confidence and he wasn't _wrong_. I look back at the egg mournfully.

"Can we finish though? Pease?" I ask because we were _so close_.

Tou-san seems to hesitate and I could see him cracking. I quickly nudge Sasuke and we both give him our best puppy eyes.

"Please Tou-san?" We ask together in that wheedling voice all toddlers had. Tou-san caves like a poorly made house of cards.

He sits down with a sigh and gathers us up into his lap. Probably so that we didn't roll down the roof or something. Sasuke squeals in delight and I cheer.

We just spent the rest of that afternoon sitting on the roof during a sweltering hot day staring at an egg.

The next day we were busted by Kaa-san because sunburn was very obvious and even _Tou-san_ got scolded.

I was only grounded for a couple of days and once those days were up, I went straight for the river. There's a rather large river that cut through quite a bit of the village. The Naka river, and a bit of it flowed through the Uchiha clan lands. More than deep enough for me to swim in.

Kaa-san wasn't every enthusiastic about my new source of entertainment and she was utterly exasperated the day I brought home a _fish_ from the river.

"Chiyomi, that had better not be one of your father's koi." Kaa-san told me when I stood there soaking wet.

"Nope! Found it in the Naka river!" I proclaimed holding up the flopping fish. It was a small one, black and white and splotched with red. Kaa-san sighed.

"Go put it in the koi pond then." She said and I grinned and dumped the newest koi into the pond. The others sort of circled around it poking at the new kid before losing interest and swimming off. The newest koi went to hid under a lily pad.

"Chiyomi! What did you do to my koi?" Tou-san demanded when he fed his fish that evening. Figured he'd notice. I peeked out from the living room ready to run for it. The _last_ time I'd gone swimming in the Naka river a year ago he'd been _furious_. It was actually the only time I'd seen him so mad. Which was fair, since Itachi had to haul me out. Because I'd underestimated the river and nearly gotten myself killed. Needless to say, Tou-san had _not_ been pleased.

"Nothing. I just got you a new one." I said as innocent as possible and Tou-san eyed the new addition. Finally he sighed.

"If you don't tell me how you got it, I won't ground you." He told me firmly before going back to feeding his fish. I grinned.

"Deal!"

I then legged it because I wasn't about to push it.

Since summer was in full swing, everything was colorful and I was eagerly awaiting the summer festival to start. We'd only just been allowed to go last year and Kaa-san hadn't let go of our hands but it had been _awesome_.

But since the festival was probably months away, I figured that I'd throw my own little party. And deface the Uchiha main gates while I was at it because no one had done _that_ before.

I was going to get into _so_ much trouble. But I had zero regrets.

It went down easier than I'd expected. I mean, a six meter long string of paper flowers wasn't exactly easy to _hide_ but I was in luck. An uncle… cousin… uh, _someone_ had managed to land themselves in hospital and since Tou-san told us about it, that meant we were going to visit some time soon. Which was why the paper flowers went relatively unquestioned.

The wire to string them together had to be sourced from Itachi. I had a feeling that _he_ knew what was going on because he handed a full spool of it over.

"Try not to get grounded again Chi-chan." Itachi told me very much amused and I nod.

"I promise to try." I say and we _both_ know that I was _so_ going to be grounded for this. I grinned and skipped off.

The flower chain made, I waited until Kaa-san was busy doing the laundry before sneaking out nearly tripping over the chain of paper flowers on my way through the door.

That ruckus brought Sasuke.

"Chi-chan, what are you doing?" He asks like he doesn't want to know and I pull a length of the flower chain out of my eyes. Since I was tiny and the chain was six feet long, I'd resorted to wrapping it around myself to carry it all. I probably looked very colorful and very ridiculous.

"Decorating. Wanna help?" I offer holding out my arms, my very colorful arms covered in flowers. Sasuke promptly flees. Fine.

I make it to the front gates and I'd timed it well because it was that lazy hour in the afternoon where no one does much. I get myself un-tangled from all the flowers and I'm almost done when I see someone staring at me. In fact, he's standing smack bang in the middle of the road staring. Kind of hard to miss. It's that one-eyed ninja guy. The weirdo that seemed familiar. Maybe I'd seen him around or something.

"Hi ninja-guy." I greeted unwrapping the last of the flower chain. The guy did a double take and stared at me.

"What did you call me?" He asked looking very bemused.

"What? It's not like I know your name." I huffed. The guy looked at me, weighed the pros and cons of being called 'ninja-guy' and finally relented.

"I am Hatake Kakashi." He introduced pointing to himself. I could forgive the childish action. I _was_ four after all. Still…

"I am Uchiha Chiyomi." I said matching him tone for tone and pointing to myself. He spluttered and I grinned. "So wha'cha doing?"

"I was just passing through. What are _you_ doing? Painting the walls again?" Kakashi asked and I grinned.

"Of course not. I already did that. I'm gonna add flowers to the main gates!" I proclaimed. The guy stared. He looked at the pile of paper flowers on the ground, then he looked at the main gates of the Uchiha Clan. They were… prim and proper? Imposing? It's part of the walls that surround the Uchiha lands and there's no _door_ , just cloth that's hung at the top of the gates bearing the Uchiha crest. The cloth is black and it's a very proper looking set of gates.

The flowers at my feet are all colors of the rainbow and some are even sparkly. Origami paper for children everybody. They were so colorful. And they clashed something horrific with the whole 'professional' atmosphere the Uchiha had going for them.

Hatake Kakashi seemed to be in some sort of mute shock.

"You want to add flowers to the Uchiha Compound's main gates." He deadpanned and I nodded.

"Yup. Wanna help?"

"No."

"Fine. Your loss." I shrugged and quickly ducked inside to grab the rope and stool. I wasn't tall enough to hang the paper flowers but that didn't mean I didn't have any other ideas. I still had good aim after all. The string of paper flowers were attached to rope and the rope was attached to kunai. The process was simple. I threw the kunai over the top of the gates, pulled it down and repeated the process. I just had to anchor one end to the ground first. Easily done by stabbing another kunai into the ground and using the handy hoop at the end of the handle. The kunai were sourced from my practice stash.

As promised, Kakashi didn't help and just watched in what I thought was morbid fascination as I made the Uchiha main gates look all colorful and flowery.

"Chiyomi!" Oops. Uchiha police. It's grumpy Isao again looking like he's ready to drag me off by the back of my shirt. "What do you think you're going?"

"Upgrading." I said pointing to the mostly-finished flowers. Isao stares at the flowers and I think some part of him wants to cry at the sight. He glares at me.

"Your parents will hear about this." He says sternly and I do my best pout at him.

"But I made it look all pretty!" I whine. Isao was not moved. He just glowered. I changed tactics. "Can I finish?"

Isao stares at me like I was some sort of alien and then pinches the bridge of his nose letting out a long sigh. The Hatake guy was inching away slowly. Isao looks to the sky as if asking heaven for strength and then very purposefully strides through the flowery gates and into the clan compound. I grin taking that for a 'yes'. It probably wasn't but Isao wasn't here to tell me otherwise.

"How are you not disowned?" Kakashi asked looking at me bewildered after Isao was out of earshot and I grinned.

"Coz the clan head's my Tou-san." I proclaimed and Kakashi stared.

"You're Fugaku's kid?" He asked and I grinned.

"Yup! Sure you don't wanna help?"

Kakashi actually sighed and leapt on top of the Uchiha gates.

"Throw it up." He grumbled as if admitting defeat and I was honestly surprised by that.

"Awesome!"

It went much quicker after that and Hatake legged it after it was finished. To make things better, I hadn't even been caught.

Until dinner that is.

"I saw the flowers outside today. Your work?" Itachi asked that night at dinner and I beamed.

"Yup! I made it look pretty!"

Tou-san didn't even scold me anymore. He just sighed. He didn't even look surprised.

"Chiyomi." Kaa-san lamented shaking her head "I should have known that you weren't making flowers for Yato at the hospital."

Ohhh so his name was Yato. Still no clue what his relation to us was though. But he'd lost an arm the previous mission that he'd been on. Ninja career officially over.

"I _did_ make some for Yato-ji-san." I said, when in doubt, call any male relative 'uncle' it generally worked. "They're in my room."

Kaa-san perked up at that and Tou-san nodded at me. See, I could be responsible. Me big mature adult.

"Will Yato-ji-san be okay?" Sasuke asked in concern and it was Tou-san that answered.

"He was injured badly Sasuke. But Uchiha are strong. He will no longer be a ninja but he is still Uchiha. We look after our own. He will be well cared for." Tou-san said and Sasuke nodded evidently taking the words to heart.

I just hoped that Tou-san was right. Fleur's world had a worrying amount of veterans committing suicide after being wounded in action. It had been a very real issue in that world and I wondered if it was an issue in this world also. Maybe in this world they'd have better mental health services? I mean, I'd seen Itachi spit out honest to god _fireballs_ that could raze a house without a problem. Surely they didn't want someone able to do _that_ mentally unstable? I mean… that just seemed… stupid?

But hey, Japanese cartoon. Maybe things like depression and PTSD just didn't exist? Or were less prevalent? Dear lord I hoped so.

In other news, we did go to the hospital. Since it involved going _outside_ the clan lands, I got all dolled up and remained on my best behavior. My parents and I had an understanding of sorts. Out in the main village I won't do stupid stuff and be a good little Uchiha. In return, I could do what I liked inside the clan compounds. It worked as a system.

We visited Yato, there was the general 'get well soons' and the 'glad to have you back alive' lines and I even gave him the paper flowers that I made.

On the way home we got quite a few questions for curious shop-keepers if the Uchiha were going to organize some kind of festival because of the flower decorations at the main gates. Tou-san had choked a little the first time someone asked but seemed to be actually considering it.

After staggering around like a drunk though. Kaa-san seemed to get a kick out of it.

A month later at the end of summer the Uchiha district announced a one-day-only festival to celebrate the end of summer or more traditionally known as the Fire Season. Apparently Tou-san had thought that it was a good idea. Either that or Kaa-san twisted his arm until he'd backed down. I was betting on Kaa-san.

Mainly because she was all gun-ho about the whole thing.

She _said_ that as the Matriarch of the Uchiha Clan, it fell to her to do all the preparations but I was calling bull on that. She wasn't taking over because Tou-san couldn't do it since he was so busy at the police station. She'd booted Tou-san to the police station and had taken over with hostile force.

Don't mess with jounin ninja guys. Even if that Jounin ninja decided to retire from active service to take care of her kids. Just don't do it. Look at Tou-san. He was a smart man.

Sasuke was rather perplexed at what all the fuss was about because we'd never had any sort of festival before and Itachi was roped into helping like all the other Uchiha Genin. He might be the clan's genius but he wasn't spared from the grunt work.

I'd seen Shisui lugging logs and he'd playfully told me that his predicament was all my fault.

"It'll be good for you. Like training." I'd told him not at all repentant because now we got to go to _two_ festivals. How sweet is that?

It was probably the only reason that none of the Uchiha kids were complaining about being used as free manual labor. It was just _cool_ to be able to _make a festival_ in what was essentially your own back yard. Everyone got more and more excited as the days went on.

The Uchiha compound had a main strip. It was a place that was _technically_ open to the public but not many non-Uchiha ventured into the district anyway. Still, the strip was filled with Uchiha-owned stores that sold everything from ninja tools to the famous Uchiha Senbi. It was sort of decided on the grounds that it was 'bloody obvious' that the main strip would be where the festival would be held.

In the span of a week decorations were put up along with lanterns. I was tasked with making more paper flowers with the rest of the artistically gifted kids as well as other decorations. Sasuke was running around wide-eyed with the more… 'exercise prone' kids being used as gophers. Small stalls were built and way too much food was prepared. The ninjas shipped the heavy stuff and Kaa-san was having the time of her life with plans and diagrams.

By the end of the week the entire village was excited because _Uchiha_ were throwing a festival. A festival that was heavily advertised. Apparently Tou-san decided to use us kids as advertising material. I had made hundreds of paper flowers that were attached to flyers to hand out with Sasuke and every Uchiha child under the age of ten at the Konoha Market districts.

Turns out, cute Uchiha kids drew people in.

On the night of the festival the Uchiha clan compound had never been so packed with people. There was a lot of chattering, noise and the smell of good cooking food. Even weapons were on sale. Couldn't have a festival in a village of ninjas without a few weapon stalls. There were candy stalls too which I eagerly hit up. We still had to pay but Sasuke and I were allowed to wonder around with Itachi and do what we wished. Itachi was deemed responsible enough to make sure two toddlers didn't do anything stupid during a festival packed with people. Since he was a genius, and since I wasn't _actually_ a toddler, we managed to keep Sasuke on the straight and narrow with our combined force. If I was an _actual_ toddler then Itachi would've been well and truly screwed.

Being the kids that we were, we ate candy, looked at stalls that had toys, ate more candy, played a few games in which we lost spectacularly at and ate some more candy. It was great.

By the end of the night the Uchiha showed off their pyrotechnics and shot a few fireworks up into the sky. From my point of view, it ended very well.

The cleanup was a nightmare. You wouldn't believe the amount of litter on the ground.

Within a week there was no sign that the Uchiha compound had hosted a festival at all. Even my flowers were taken down. Since I missed the color, I decided to rectify that. With paint. And Disney references.

"Chiyomi. Did you _paint_ all the roses in the compound red?" Kaa-san asked incredulously and I grinned splattered with red paint and way too proud of myself.

"Yup." I said immediately.

"You're grounded. Go get cleaned up." Kaa-san sighed. She'd officially given up on the lectures.

"Worth it!" I declared jogging to the bathroom to get all the paint off of me.

I was made to clean up my mess. And then Tou-san grounded me too when he found out.

I spent the time training with Sasuke and plotting my next big prank. So… business as usual.

"Chicken run!" I whooped as I raced down the main street of the Uchiha Compound chasing a group of fifteen chickens as they squawked, flapped and created general chaos. They were prompted into motion by a branch of willow that I'd broken off.

"CHIYOMI!" Uchiha police. Tadao if I was right. A third cousin twice removed. Or something.

I was presented to my father covered in chicken feathers again. Tou-san was not impressed.

"You are to put all the chickens back. And you're grounded." He told me sternly and I grinned.

"Worth it." I declared and Tou-san sighed and let me go to round up the chickens. It took me hours and got me even _more_ covered with feathers. Sasuke just sat there and laughed at me.

"Chi-chan, you have a chicken feather in your hair." Itachi told me amused as he plucked it out at dinner.

"Another one? I thought I got them all." Kaa-san sighed exasperated and I grinned.

"So what did you do today Chi-chan?" Itachi asked amused and Sasuke grinned.

"Chi-chan chased chickens around." He reported and Itachi arched an eyebrow.

"Hey, Sasu-nii. I was much more awesome. I created a chicken stampede." I declared.

"Yes, and you've been grounded for it." Kaa-san told me sternly and I grinned shrugging.

"Worth it."

Since summer came to an end, the leaves turned orange and began to fall. Falling leaves meant leaf piles and I intended to introduce the Uchiha kids to that particular wonder. For a price of course. I wasn't _that_ nice. Also, I wanted money. And candy. Candy would do too.

"Line up everyone! One Ryo for one jump! Ten Ryo for twenty jumps! If you don't have Ryo candy and favors are also accepted!" I cheered. I had created a very large pile of fallen leaves and was charging the Uchiha kids for a chance to play. "Or if you want an all-day pass it's Twenty Ryo or candy! Line up! Line up!"

I was actually doing quite good. I had made about a hundred Ryo already as well as a sack of candy and this was just the afternoon of the first day. Autumn went on for _months_. I will be a rich, rich woman after this I tell you. Well, this little business venture wouldn't last for months. Maybe a week or so until the kids figured out they could make leaf piles on their own for _free_ but until then, I was taking shameless advantage.

"Chiyomi!" It was Tou-san.

The Uchiha kids froze. Stared at the clan head. Then ran for it. One kid even dove into the pile of leaves. Points for innovation I guess?

"What are you doing?" He asked with a sigh and I pouted.

"I was running a legitimate business Tou-san. Now you've gone and scared them off." I complained and Tou-san sighed looking at me.

"A legitimate business you say? And how much have you earned?"

"A hundred and… two ryo with limited edition Uchiha candy!" I proclaimed showing off my earnings. Tou-san seemed rather surprised. I grinned "One Ryo for one jump, ten ryo for twenty, full day pass for twenty ryo but I do take candy or favors. Wanna try Tou-san?"

"Come on, it's dinner time." Tou-san said deadpan and not dignifying that proposition with a response. I pouted.

At dinner I relayed my wondrous business plan to the family. Sasuke wanted in after he heard about my earnings. Itachi even showed interest. Tou-san promptly vetoed that idea.

"You three are banned from running businesses. Chiyomi especially." He said sternly and I pouted.

"But Tou-san! It was a legitimate business." I complained. It wasn't. It was a scam. You'd think that ninjas would _appreciate_ my ingenuity.

"No." Tou-san said although he looked very amused. It was the slight up-turned mouth and the glint in his eyes. Itachi chuckled.

"Good work Chi-chan. What are you going to spend your earnings on?" He asked and I grinned.

That's a secret Ita-nii. You'll know when you see it." I declared and my parents actually looked slightly worried.

I spent my earnings to get a sling-shot and some sponges and paint. I covered the cut up the sponges, covered them in paint, and loaded up.

It was _glorious_. I spent the entire day sniping people and then running for it. It was great fun. Especially if they got _really_ mad. Like Yabao.

"CHIYOMI! GET BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" Yabao screamed running after me. He was Uchiha police and looking very ridiculous at the current moment with a splatter of purple paint in the middle of his forehead. He also cursed like a sailor.

I lost him by hiding behind Granny Umi. Granny Umi ran the Dango shop in the Uchiha main strip. She even gave me a skewer of dango for free. Well, it was defective in that the little balls of mochi were all squished and it wasn't grilled evenly but hey, free food. It didn't look pretty enough to sell but it was still delicious.

I polished off the dango, thanked Granny Umi and then went for round two.

I eventually got caught though. Damned Enjio snuck up on me while I was aiming for that cranky old man that always swore like a sailor. I _think_ his name was Wataru but I could have been wrong.

"You're grounded. Hand over the slingshot and ammunition." Tou-san demanded when I was dumped into his office at the police station. I handed my weapons over but wasn't too broken up about it. I had nailed a good fifteen people and splattered paint _everywhere_.

"Worth it." I declared and Tou-san sighed.

"Clean it up Chiyomi." He told me and I nodded. Good thing that I'd used water soluble paint now wasn't it?

I apparently didn't get it all because when Itachi got back from a mission three days later he just looked at me with an amused arched eyebrow.

"Can I assume that the paint I've seen all around the compound is where your earnings went Chi-chan?" He asked and I grinned.

"Yup! I got grounded but so worth it! I got Tachiko-ba-san right in her hair!" I proclaimed. Tachiko-ba-san was a rather nasty gossip in the clan and no one liked her all that much because of her tendency to talk behind your back. She had let out a rather unholy shriek when I pegged her. It was wonderful.

"Chi-chan even got Tadao-itoko too! And he's _Chuunin_." Sasuke proclaimed with a grin. I had only gotten him because he had let me I was fairly sure. But I had to agree with Sasuke. It was an awesome moment.

"Well it looks like your aim is improving Chi-chan." Itachi praised and I nodded. Hey, just because I goofed off most of the day didn't mean that I didn't train. I would have been skinned alive by everyone in my family if I neglected the ninja arts. I always made sure that Sasuke was better than me at taijutsu though. The kid needed all the praise he could get. He _worked_ for it too. Heaven knows he trained a hell of a lot more than I did. I was essentially an adult. I could deal with less praise and more instruction. Sasuke was a kid. He needed all the positive reinforcement that he could get. Especially if he was going to do something like become a ninja.

My life so far had been fun. Fun because I made _sure_ to have fun. It was peaceful even if I _did_ get grounded every other day. We trained, we laughed, and we trained some more with ambitions to become great ninja, worthy ninja. Ninja who would bring honor to the Uchiha name.

It was a good life.

Then Itachi came back from an escort mission with the Sharingan blazing in his eyes.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: And here I thought that the previous chapter was long! Nearly thirty pages!**

Chapter 3

 **And it Begins**

"Sasuke. Chiyomi. Come." Tou-san commanded all brisk and important sounding. I shot Sasuke a look and seeing that he had no clue what was going on either, we followed Tou-san.

"Anata. What's the matter?" Kaa-san asked coming into the tea-room that Tou-san had gathered us all. Itachi was seated beside Tou-san a little stiffly. Very formal.

"I have some very good news." Tou-san said almost to the point of boasting. He laid a hand on Itachi's shoulder "Itachi has awakened the Sharingan on his latest mission."

Sharingan. The Uchiha's coveted eye-thingy. We didn't know much about it. Just that it was desired and a mark of a 'true' Uchiha.

"That's amazing Nii-san!" Sasuke said eyes wide.

"Congratulations Ita-nii!" I agreed with a smile. Itachi nodded at us. He was stiff.

"That's wonderful news Itachi! And so young as well!" Kaa-san agreed "We should celebrate!"

"Thank you Kaa-sama." Itachi said, ever the dutiful son. Tou-san nodded and we were pretty much considered dismissed although no one left. Tou-san sat there while Kaa-san asked Itachi what he wanted for dinner. Sasuke was demanding to see the Sharingan and to be honest, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about as well.

"Come on Nii-san! Pleeaasseeeee!" Sasuke said and I joined in too.

"Just for a bit Ita-nii? Pretty please?" We used the dual puppy-eye attack. Itachi looked at us and chuckled.

"Alright." He agreed then looked to our parents "Kaa-sama. May we go outside?"

"Of course dears." Kaa-san said beaming and Tou-san stood up as well.

"I shall introduce Itachi to basic sharingan training. Sasuke, Chiyomi. Come as well, this will benefit you when you awaken your own Sharingan." Tou-san said proudly and we all trooped after him. Itachi however, was quieter than normal. He usually said _something_ at the very least. Not this silence-unless-absolutely-necessary thing he was doing. I kept my mouth shut because now wasn't the place nor the time to ask about it.

We sat on the porch as Tou-san ran Itachi through his paces. Getting him used to the new sights that he was seeing with the Sharingan while providing a brief introduction to us.

What the Sharingan was. Super fight hack. How you got it. Intense trauma. How it was used. Cheating. So on and so forth.

I felt that it was a perfectly unused ninja technique. I mean sure, the see-into-the-future thing is pretty cool and the copying-jutsu thing is useful but you could see _chakra._ Which… was a big deal? Apparently?

We hadn't really had a lesson on what the hell chakra actually was but from the way Tou-san described it, it was fairly impressive.

Yet I still felt that the Sharingan was a wasted resource.

Enhanced vision, why the hell did every Uchiha insist on close-ranged combat? There were some supreme snipers-in-the-making here.

Hypnotism. Why weren't more Uchiha down at T&I making all the lovely prisoners spill their guts?

Perfect recall. Why the hell wasn't everyone in the Uchiha clan a genius? Sure, not all things could be learned from a book but really, quite a few things _could_.

Perhaps I was naïve to think this but I felt like that the sharingan was like a mine. A mine that was filled with streams of gold and diamonds and precious gems… only for it to be a coal mine and just a coal mine. Wasted. So much waste.

The sharingan eye itself though was like Lord Voldemort two point oh. The red was just creepy, especially when dusk fell I could swear that Itachi's red eyes were glowing.

But since it'd gotten dark we trooped inside. That and Kaa-san had finished with dinner. Mainly dinner.

How Kaa-san whipped up a feast in four short hours I didn't know but she did and it was wonderful. Itachi ate dinner and stayed until everyone dispersed like the good dutiful son that he was.

I found him that night staring up at the crescent moon. I'd only found him because I was sneaking downstairs to steal some eggs for my next prank. That was promptly put on hold when I spotted Itachi sitting on the porch staring at nothing.

"Ita-nii." I say padding up and sitting beside him on the porch. Itachi looks over and gently fixes my bedhead.

"What are you doing up so late Chi-chan?" Itachi asked with a soft not quite there smile. I didn't answer that one. Plus, he couldn't talk.

"You're really bothered Ita-nii." I remark instead and I think I stuffed something up or used the wrong word because Itachi chuckles a little. Then his smile twists into something that's almost sad.

"You were always very smart Chi-chan." He said ruefully and… And I suddenly get the impression that he's on to me. Not the whole 'reincarnated into a cartoon' thing, but the whole 'smarter than an average four year old' thing. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I ignore the whole 'potential not-really genius' thing and focus on the bit where Itachi's _sad_. And sad was probably an understatement.

"Why are you sorry? You don't have to be happy all the time Ita-nii. You can be sad and angry too you know." I pointed out and Itachi actually blinked at me.

Dear lord what were they _teaching_ this kid? Robot 101? Holy hell maybe Itachi wasn't quiet by nature, maybe he was just socially inept because he hadn't been taught proper social cues. I suddenly remembered that when Itachi was three he was probably toddling around doing genius stuff and _not_ playing like a normal child. Well damn. Add in Tou-san's general overall social awkwardness and Itachi was pretty much doomed.

"Thank you Chi-chan." Itachi said pulling me in for an awkward hug. Honestly, Uchiha. As much as I knew Itachi loved me, physical displays of affection were _not_ his strong suit. I crawled into his lap and gave him a _proper_ hug. "You were right. I am not happy Chi-chan. The Sharingan is a great advantage in battle, Tou-sama is right about that. But my teammate died on that mission. I feel that should be more important."

Ah shit. That I hadn't known about. People had _died_? Screw sad! This was way beyond just _sad_! And Itachi's teammates too. They hadn't been close, in fact, they'd never even visited but we were Uchiha. It's practically the clan motto to 'look after our own' and 'our own' extended to teammates.

I understood the loss, I really did. Fleur had been a marine in a past life. Marines left no man behind, but not every man or woman _made_ it. Sometimes, not even the _bodies_ made it despite your best efforts.

There's little you can do when you lose a fellow marine. There's nothing to be done but attend the funeral and shed bitter tears. You looked after the family left behind as best you could but there was little else to be done.

The first time it happened had been the hardest for Fleur. The following times hadn't made it any _easier_ but it didn't have… it didn't compare to the first brutal realization that you'd made it out but _they hadn't_.

What else could you do but cry your eyes out and swear to do better?

I tucked my head under Itachi's chin and hugged a little bit closer. I was literally in his lap at this point but Itachi needed all the comfort I could give right now.

"It's okay to be sad Ita-nii. I think you lost a good friend on that mission. It's okay to be sad." I said softly and Itachi's shoulders shook. Was he going to _cry_? I had _never_ , never seen my oldest brother cry. Still, crying was healthy for pent-up trauma "It's okay to cry Ita-nii. Sasu-nii and I cry a lot too."

It wouldn't compare and we both knew it but Itachi needed some excuse flimsy as it was. It was enough. Itachi's breath hitched and he clung to me like I was a life-raft. He clung to me and he cried.

Itachi was silent when he cried. His shoulders shook and his breathing became slightly erratic but he was silent.

I said nothing too.

The next day only I knew about Itachi's breakdown the night before. The next day Tou-san kept praising Itachi and Kaa-san joined in. The next day Sasuke vowed to awaken his own Sharingan just like his big brother and only I knew what it had cost Itachi. I kept it that way.

After Itachi awakened his Sharingan Tou-san decided that he would teach us about chakra. What it was, how it was used and the dos and don'ts. A little bit late in my books. But thanks to that, my world started making sense again.

That weird energy that I had been terrified of and still _to this day_ not able to ignore? That was chakra. Chaka turned out to be like jutsu fuel. You used it for _everything_. You used it to strengthen your muscles and speed up your body during Taijutsu. You used it to make the elements bend to your will in Ninjutsu. You used it to create intricate illusions in genjutsu. Literally everything.

So, jutsu fuel. Everyone had it, which explained why the weird feeling charka gave me never _went away_ , but it was finite. You had a pool and if you ran out you had to wait for a 'recharge'. Tou-san was very adamant about that whole 'recharge' thing. Because if you didn't wait and you used _all_ of it. You died. Chakra was the energy that kept your body alive. Use it all and your organs wouldn't be able to find the energy to function and you would die. Cheery thought that.

In other news, my brain and inexplicable sixth sense were finally explained. That energy was charka and I could sense it. After being boiled alive in it. What the hell was it with this world and getting power-ups from trauma? That was _not_ how things worked damn it!

Well… okay, surviving trauma toughened you the hell up but it was _not_ the way to achieve mentally stable adults operating at full capacity. Also, not everyone came out the other side stronger. Some just… shrank to protect themselves.

This world was _messed up_. Seriously messed up.

But hey, charka.

To locate our chakra we were taught meditation and the leaf exercise. The point was to make a leaf stick to a point in your body with chakra. Usually it was the hand. I didn't need the meditation. I could _feel_ the energy like a buzzing in the back of my mind. Like chatter in a crowded room. I'd gotten better at ignoring it over the years but I'd never been able to tune it out to nothing. It was sort of infuriating. Every time I thought I could put it out of my mind, something in the energy would _shift_ and I was back to square zero. I'd given up rather quickly and just dealt with the weirdly fluctuating sixth sense. At least now I knew what it _was_.

I hadn't intended to figure it out before Sasuke. I really hadn't, but it came so easily to me that it shocked even me because from the way Tou-san had been describing it, it shouldn't _be_ that easy.

But it was. I'd basically skipped a step because I didn't have to meditate to become aware of chakra. I was _constantly_ aware of it. Fiddling with something you were already aware of was a thousand times easier than fiddling with something you _weren't_ aware of.

So _everyone_ was surprised when the leaf stuck to my palm. I hadn't meant to get it to stick. I'd been waiting for Sasuke to do it before I showed any visible results but I'd been curious. Because… who wouldn't be curious? I mean, mystical energy that was supposed to grant you superpowers?

So I'd done what any self-respecting human did in that situation and followed instructions.

Focus on the energy, sorry _chakra_ , find it, and then push it out of your body and into the leaf.

Simple. And rather idiot proof so I had to give props to Tou-san for that.

I tried it and the leaf stuck. That would've been fine since we were to put the leaf in the palm of our hand and then flip our hand over to test if it'd worked. It wasn't that obvious if the leaf stuck for a split second before falling so I'd thought that I was safe.

Turns out, I was an idiot and I didn't know the meaning of restraint because the leaf started _glowing_. I kid you not it glowed and it had color too so that made it _doubly_ obvious. Here I was hoping for some subtle test-run but no. The leaf just had to glow a damned _blue_.

I did the reasonable thing and shrieked. Then I flailed trying to get the leaf off my hand but _no_ it was well and truly stuck.

Sasuke jumped startled and then proceeded to start laughing at me as I tried to shake the stubborn leaf off.

"Not funny!" I huffed when the leaf finally detached from my hand and fluttered to the ground. I glowered at it.

"Uh… well done Chiyomi." Tou-san said and I peered at him. Ohhhhh yeah this guy was laughing alright. His mouth was twitching.

"Really funny." Sasuke said and stuck his tongue out at me. I think I might have been a bad influence on the kid. Ah well.

My achievement at getting the chakra exercise down on the first go was diminished by my ungraceful flailing.

So… not all bad. Tou-san even told Kaa-san all about it during dinner with Sasuke attempting a reenactment of the event.

I threw a piece of broccoli at him because that was _not_ how it went down.

I then promptly got grounded for throwing food. Itachi was having the time of his life laughing at us.

Turns out, it wasn't that big of a disaster that I'd shown better chakra control than Sasuke. Apparently girls were just plain better at it than guys by virtue of possessing that second X chromosome. So no dramas with Sasuke's self-worth issues there.

It also helped that I'd figured out Tou-san's system ages ago. Praise one kid to push the other. You do good and come in first, you get a carrot in form of praise. You _don't_ come in first and you don't get the carrot. The stick was more training which wasn't much of a stick since Tou-san _was_ a good father and very much aware of where training ended and where 'child abuse' began. He never even _toed_ that particular line for which I was thankful. I wouldn't have been able to get away with _half_ of the crap I'd pulled otherwise.

Once you knew Tou-san's rather simple system, it was easy to game it. Which I did. Shamelessly. It wasn't like I couldn't deal with lack of praise. I wasn't _actually_ a child and I didn't have Sasuke's personality. So I was quite happy with the thing Tou-san and I had going. It was some sort of unspoken agreement that he wouldn't chew me out _too much_ for not doing my best in order for Sasuke to take the spotlight, and in exchange, I could wreck havoc on the Uchiha clan in my down time with minimal consequences.

It worked very well as a system. Like the agreement I had with Kaa-san about acting like a proper Uchiha ought to outside clan walls in exchange for running around like a lunatic and causing all sorts of strife _inside_ clan walls.

We never expressly _discussed_ it but it was there.

I had the mind of an adult and I could do better at abstract thought construction than Sasuke. Sasuke wasn't stupid, he was just four. He couldn't exactly read between the lines and so needed vocal affirmation of good and bad.

With the system that I'd developed, on pure accident mind you, Sasuke was getting all the praise he needed without any kid being left out in the cold and potentially developing massive mental issues down the line.

In fact, I'd say that Sasuke was going to shape up to be quite the mentally well-balanced adult at this rate. Sure, there's always going to be comparison with Itachi, but since I'm very much the black sheep of the _entire clan_ I'd say that Sasuke would be good. Because you know, no one wanted _two_ of me so they're grateful that Sasuke turned out happy and cheery instead of, well, _me_.

I knew very well that if I could put in the effort, I actually had a pretty good chance of at least matching Shisui in the whole 'genius' department but… no. Just… no.

Look at Itachi. They heaped way too many expectations on that kid's shoulders.

Sasuke thankfully, was a bright kid. Cleaver and smart but not prodigy-smart. I swear I don't know where all the brains was coming from in this family. Sure Kaa-san had been a jounin but surely that wasn't genetic? I mean, Itachi had _her_ outstripped in terms of childhood achievements. Maybe we just got lucky.

Or maybe because our parents were crazy.

I hopped on _that_ train of thought with great eagerness when Tou-san told us that the chakra control exercise with a leaf would lead to jutsu.

Which I was fine with, because hey, cool ninja superpowers. I _thought_ that we were going to do something easy. Like that quick-movement disappearing act that I'd seen a few Uchiha pull before. I was eager to learn _that_. Not a clue what it was called but it was the most ninja-like thing I'd seen so far.

My hopes were soundly dashed and I was forced to accept the fact that my parents were insane because the jutsu that we were to learn?

The Uchiha right of passage and signature technique. The Gokyaku. Which I didn't know meant _Grand Fire Ball_ until Tou-san demonstrated it over a small lake.

Sasuke stared in eager fascination.

I stared in slight horror and shock.

They were going to teach _four year olds_ how to shoot _fire_ from their _mouths_. Fire. Real-life fire.

We hadn't even been allowed to touch the damned _stove_ at home.

Come to think of it, Kaa-san hadn't allowed us to touch the cooking knives at home either and we were literally throwing deadly weaponry at targets with pretty decent accuracy at this point.

The cool factor of being able to spit out fireballs like a _dragon_ was thoroughly mitigated by the fact that Tou-san wanted _four year olds to learn this_.

I stared at Tou-san and wondered if he realized how _lucky_ he was that he'd wound up with one genius kid, one reincarnated adult and one borderline-genius kid. If he'd gotten three _normal_ kids, they probably wouldn't have survived past this exact moment.

Sasuke of course was all gun-ho about trying it. I wanted to throttle Tou-san because this was _not_ something you taught toddlers.

Well Tou-san obviously thought differently because then after another showing of the hand seals, it was _our turn_.

God damn it we only learned all twelve seals two days ago!

Sasuke of course tried it. I got ready to push him into the lake in case he set his _face_ on fire.

I turned out to be right.

"Gokyaku no-ack!" Yup. Sasuke had choked. On _fire_. I shoved him into the water and he went in with a splash. He bobbed back up spluttering. "Chi-chan!"

"You were choking on _fire!_ " I shot back not at all repentant and Tou-san seemed slightly sheepish.

"Maybe it's a bit too early-" Tou-san suggested but Sasuke was _invested_ now and I could see it.

"No! I can do this!" Sasuke says clambering onto the bank and nearly throwing himself back onto the jetty. I looked at Tou-san.

"You get to tell Kaa-san tonight." I informed him promptly and then went back to making sure Sasuke didn't manage to set himself on fire again. When I looked back, Tou-san seemed to be re-writing his will in his head. Served him right. Teaching _four year olds_ how to spew fire.

But since Sasuke _was_ trying, I felt the need to try too because… fire. Big bright ball of fire. It was cool. Not ninja like in the _least_ because you shoot that off and you can wave all form of stealth goodbye but it was _cool_.

I swallowed and planted my feet taking a breath. Slowly I formed the seals careful not to get them wrong and then breathed out pushing chakra into my mouth as instructed.

A whisp of smoke came out. A whisp. And I was all braced and ready for a fully formed ball and everything. Damn it.

"Put more conviction into it Chiyomi." Tou-san says but it's a little dazed. I think he's still contemplating his death by Kaa-san.

"Gokyaku no jutsu!" Sasuke screamed and honestly was that _necessary_? But this time he was successful and the fire shot from his mouth and actually formed into a sort-of ball before vanishing.

I clapped.

"Good job Sasuke." Tou-san said in approval and Sasuke beamed.

I tried again. And this time I poured as much chakra as I could into my mouth.

It blew up in my face and Sasuke shoved _me_ into the lake.

I surfaced spluttering and Sasuke was grinning.

"You were on _fire_." He says mimicking me with frightening accuracy. I still stuck my tongue out at him.

"I don't sound like that!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Focus." Tou-san said and I sloshed to shore.

'Do too' Sasuke mouthed at me and I elbowed him in the ribs. Tou-san sighed.

"Maybe that's enough for the day. Let's go home, otherwise your Kaa-san won't be happy and you'll miss dinner." Tou-san said and hustled us along.

"Awww I wanted to train some more." Sasuke lamented and I nodded too.

"You can do that tomorrow." Tou-san promised us and Sasuke glanced over.

"Can you train us again tomorrow Tou-san?" he asks eagerly.

"I'm busy tomorrow but we'll see." He said and Sasuke nods eager. Optimist. I'd taken that as a no.

Tou-san wasn't able to make it the next day. Sasuke shuffled off sulking.

Through sheer luck, we ran into Shisui on our way out.

"Off to train?" He asked us all smiles and enthusiasm. Sasuke squinted at him.

"Shisui-san. Hi." I say waving saving Sasuke who nodded like he'd known the guy's name all along.

"Yeah! We're gonna be great ninja just like Nii-san one day!"

"Oh? Then you'd better train hard then." Shisui said very much amused "Do you want me to help? I'll have you know, I'm about the same strength as your brother."

"Really?!" Sasuke asks immediately wide-eyed "Really, really?"

"Of course!" Shisui says laughing and it's bright.

"We're working on the Gohyaku. Can you help?" I ask and going by the way Shisui's suddenly snickering, I'd mispronounced something. Again.

"Go _kya_ ku Chi-chan." Sasuke whispers in my ear and I cough. I knew that.

"Sure, I can help you on your _Gohyaku_." Shisui teased and I huff at him.

"Ita-nii's nicer." I declare and Shisui gives me hurt wide eyes.

"Is that how you treat someone who's graciously offering to teach you?" He asks in mock hurt and Sasuke and I exchange a look. We grin and it's one of those moments where we're on the exact same train of thought and we both know it.

"You know, I bet nii-san can kick his ass." Sasuke states and I nod.

"With an arm tied behind his back." I agree.

"Hey!" Shisui says and we squeak when he suddenly picks us up around our middles "Alright brats, I'm going to prove how much better than Itachi I am! Be prepared!"

Then we suddenly felt like we were free-falling and I shriek with Sasuke. But as soon as the sensation started, it'd ended and we're suddenly in another place _entirely_. We're at the jetty. Which was a good ten minute walk away from where we'd started. What.

We'd… we'd just done that ninja teleporting thing. Holy crap. I _so_ had to learn that.

"SO COOL!" Sasuke said and had to be put down on the jetty because he was wriggling so much. He was immediately latching onto Shisui. "Can you teach us that? Can you? Can you?"

"Teach us cool jutsu? Pretty please?" I ask and we shamelessly gang up on Shisui.

Sadly, since Shisui wasn't _that_ close with the rest of our family, he wasn't at all swayed by the puppy eyes. Damn. Instead of fireballs I wanted to learn teleportation damn it. It was the _one_ ninja technique I wanted to learn but _no_. We had to learn _fire balls_. Why?

I was sulking. You're never too old to sulk.

"You're supposed to be working on your Gokyaku." Shisui says sternly "Don't get distracted or else I won't shunshin you back."

What the hell was a… shun… damn it. Now I _had_ to ask. I tug Shisui's sleeve.

"What's shun… _that_." I say and give up on the word half way through with a wince. Shisui snickers at me.

"Shun shin" He say slowly breaking it down for me "Shun means very fast. Shin is the body."

Fast body. Who the hell named these things? My dissatisfaction must have shown on my face because Shisui laughed again and put me down onto the jetty.

"It doesn't literally mean 'fast body' don't worry, you just haven't learned all the hard words yet." He assures and I stick my tongue out at him. I was doing _fine_ in my reading and writing lessons. And this place had _three_ separate writing systems that were used _at the same time_. In _one sentence_. It sucked and since I was technically doing this as a second language, I'd say that I was going _great_. I'd barely gotten my hiragana and katakana memorized and now it was damned _kanji_. Ugh.

"Can we _please_ start training now?" Sasuke complained now that the excitement of the shiny new jutsu had worn off. I eyed Shisui. I'm coming for you teleporter. I'm going to learn that jutsu and _abuse_ it.

Shisui winks at me and then hustles us to the jetty's edge.

"Alright. Why don't you show me what you've got?" He asked and Sasuke all bright and eager went first.

His hands made the seals slowly and carefully and he took a deep breath.

"Gokyaku no jutsu!" He yelled probably as loud as he can and then blew outwards.

It was actually impressive how quickly he improved. This was the… what, fifth time he'd tried it? And it was already forming a very decently sized fireball. Shisui nodded.

"Good, good. But you're wasting too much chakra. Put the chakra into your breath after you've created the flame. It works better that way." Shisui told Sasuke who nodded. "Go practice that for a bit, it might take a few tries to nail down. Remember, chakra in the breath."

"I'll get it!" Sasuke says all determined and shuffles to the side to practice blowing out. I took note too and it made sense. Why waste chakra by shoving it all in your mouth when you could blow it out into air? Fire needed oxygen to survive so if you blew out oxygen and not pure fire, it'd be more effective, and save you chakra probably.

"Alright Chiyomi. Your turn." Shisui said and I stepped forwards.

I weaved the seals and blew out as instructed. I was _not_ screaming the name like some maniac. Just, no. I had to draw the line _somewhere_. Also, I was going to bet you that they didn't shout the name of their attack in battle. Talk about wasting precious seconds. Why would I want to give the other guy a heads up as to what the hell was coming?

I made a fireball but… it was pathetically small. Tennis ball sized small. I glowered at it.

"You need to put more conviction into it Chiyomi." Shisui says arching an eyebrow. I huffed.

"I _am_." I complain because I'd done the exact same thing that Sasuke had done and _he_ didn't have this problem.

"You are most definitely _not_." Shisui tells me and I stare at him.

"Am too." I complain and point to Sasuke "I'm doing the same thing."

"You're not." Shisui informs me promptly "There's just _one_ thing different that Sasuke's doing that you're not."

I stare.

No. Oh hell _no_. Why. Just WHY?!

"I'm not shouting the name." I say stubbornly because it was impractical and all around _ridiculous_.

"Why not?"

"It's _embarrassing!"_ I wail because it was. I was not going around like some idiot yelling the names of my attack _before_ I unleash them. Just no. Absolutely not.

Shisui laughs at me.

"You run around covered in paint on a good day and you call this _embarrassing_?" He says through his laughter and I pout.

"Yes. It's stupid."

"It's not stupid! It's cool." Sasuke informs me taking a break from his breathing and I stick my tongue out at him.

"It's not cool." I mumble and glower at the pond. Not doing it. So. Not. Doing. It.

"And I think I've found your problem." Shisui says very much amused and I stare up at him mutinously. No way in all of flaming hell. "How about I tell you a story hm?"

He sits down on the jetty legs swinging _just_ a hair's breadth from the water. Sasuke sat down eagerly. I grudgingly sat down too. This was going to be one of those fable stories wasn't it? Those things you told kids to teach them stuff like the tortoise and the hare.

Well no fable was going to get _me_ to start screaming the name of my attacks like some idiot, I don't care who _else_ was doing it.

"This is the story of how this world came to be, and how us humans came to be." Shisui started and I choked. _Creation myth_?! This whole yelling thing was harking back to _creation myth_?! "After the gods Izanami and Izanagi had created the seas and all the lands, they wanted to get married. They went around the tori gates three times and Izanami spoke her wedding vows first, but it should have been Izanagi that spoke first and so the children born from that union were deformed and cast away. After seeking advice from the other gods, they tried once again. This time Izanagi spoke the vows first and this time, their union was a successful one."

I was utterly unconvinced. Shisui smiled.

"Later, Izanami died and driven by grief, Izanagi went to the underworld to retrieve her. However, he was unsuccessful and escaped from the land of the dead terrified of the horrors that he had seen there. To prevent those horrors from ever reaching the land of the living, he sealed the passageway for all time with sacred words."

Cue pointed look here. I crossed my arms. Nope. Just, nope. Not buying it.

"When Izanagi was cleansing himself from the taint of the underworld, he created three gods. Amaterasu when he cleansed his right eye, Tsukiyomi when he cleansed his left, and Susanoo when he cleansed his nose. Now, Amaterasu and Susanoo often fought. The worst was when they had a competition. They competed on who could create the most humans and swore to distribute them throughout the lands."

So… humanity existed because of a _bet_? Wow. Shisui wasn't done though.

"However, when the competition ended, both gods proclaimed themselves the victor. Eventually, Amaterasu, the goddess of the sun, was so enraged that she left the heavens and hid in a cave. Without the sun, the world began to die and so all the gods got together to coax her out. It was eventually Uzume the goddess of mirth and dawn that drew Amaterasu from the cave. To prevent anything like that happening ever again, the cave was sealed, once again, by _sacred words_."

Fine, words were important in the mythology and religion of this world. I got _that_.

"Eventually humans were given the rule of the world by the gods, cemented by their vow. So ever since then, our words and our promises have power. _We_ have the power to speak things into being. In fact, as legend goes, the Sage of Six Paths, the creator of ninjutsu, spoke the first jutsu into being and brought peace to all the land."

Was he serious? Apparently, yes. Damn it!

"Do I _have_ to yell it?" I whine and Shisui laughs. I pout. For heaven's sake why oh _why_ did it have to be this _one thing_ that was absolutely necessary? Why?

"Well, maybe you don't have to scream it like Sasuke." Shisui says and well, at least there's that?

"The world is unfair." I complain and Shisui laughs at me.

"Why don't you try again? And this time, _name_ your jutsu hm?"

"I don't wanna." I complain but still clamber to my feet. I set my feet, go through the seals and grudgingly say the name. "Gokyaku no jutsu."

It's grumbled and grudging and then I blow outwards not expecting any change.

The ensuing fireball startles even _Shisui_ because it's five times the size of Sasuke's. I yelp and break the seal my fingers are in and stop the chakra because _too much fire!_

Sasuke pushes me into the lake with all the ruckus that I was making.

I emerge to a laughing Shisui and a giggling Sasuke.

"I wasn't even on fire!" I complain and Sasuke gives me an innocent look and shrugs.

"I thought you were." He says innocent as can be and I frown. Sasuke grins.

Oh, this kid.

I bring my arm back and sweep it through the water causing a wave that sprinkles Sasuke and Shisui with water. Sasuke shrieks and holds his arms up. Shisui's not bothered by the specks of water that manages to reach him and just laughs.

"I'm going to dunk you!" I threaten pulling myself out of the water and Sasuke sticks his tongue out at me.

"Can't!" He taunts and runs behind Shisui's legs.

I clamber onto the jetty and dive at him sloping wet.

"I so can!" I yell and we basically run around Shisui's legs shrieking.

He then proceeds to chuck us _both_ into the lake.

We surface spluttering and Shisui's standing there on the jetty laughing and that just won't do. I look at Sasuke who nods at me and we zero in on Shisui.

Sensing danger, Shisui stops laughing and smiles at us.

"So, Sasuke, do you want to try the fire ball again?" He asks innocently and we clamber up onto the jetty trying to be innocent.

"Sure." Sasuke says and then dives at Shisui's legs. He's promptly side stepped and Sasuke misses by a mile. I try to trip him but Shisui jumps over _that_ and we're left sprawled like idiots on the jetty. I look to Sasuke as we pick ourselves up. Then we look to Shisui.

"Get him!" I shout and we're off running down the jetty after him. Shisui's laughing and he's playing along because he doesn't just vanish on us. He stays tauntingly _just_ out of reach and training has officially degenerated into a mindless game of tag.

At some point, all thoughts of revenge were lost and we just roll around on the grass shrieking with laughter. Even Shisui's rather grass-stained at this point and that was how Itachi found us.

"Nii-san!" Sasuke says because he notices Itachi first and honestly I swear that kid had an Itachi-radar or something. "You're back from your mission!"

"I am." Itachi says smiling as Sasuke abandons Shisui and runs up to him "Kaa-san is calling us for dinner. And why are you soaked?"

"Shisui-san threw us into the lake." I say unrepentantly throwing Shisui under the bus and Shisui splutters a little. Itachi immediately has eyes on Shisui.

"It was for training!" Shisui says quickly.

"No it wasn't." Sasuke and I inform Itachi and Shisui huffs at us.

"Okay you little traitors, I see how it is. See if I teach you anything ever again." He threatens but there's no heat to it so I stick my tongue out at him.

"Alright, let's get back." Itachi says smiling and we're all hustled back to the compound at a walk. I still hadn't forgotten that teleporting trick though. Just you wait Shisui, just you wait.

We faced the wrath of Kaa-san ten minutes later and Shisui teleported to escape. I glowered at the space he used to occupy.

After a nice hot bath, we were all seated for dinner and we went through the usual 'how was your day' conversation.

I threw Shisui under the bus again. Revenge. No one out-pranked _me_.

"Shisui-san helped train us today. Until he threw us into the lake." I reported. Then Sasuke the little brat threw me under a _freight train_.

"Chi-chan _likes_ Shisui." Sasuke says grinning and I choke on my rice. Itachi's chopsticks suddenly snap. Kaa-san's wide-eyed and the piece of fish that almost made it to Tou-san's mouth falls to the table.

"Shisui eh? Yuusaki's boy?" Tou-san says rather ominously and Kaa-san is giggling. Itachi's probably plotting murder underneath his breath.

"I do _not_." I huff a little grossed out because damn it Shisui was barely a teenager. Ewww. I'm over thirty! All dating prospects _must_ be adults. Which means I won't be dating _anyone_ until I hit at _least_ twenty five because otherwise that's just creepy. Actually, at twenty five in _this_ life I'd be what, over fifty? Damn it. Screw it I'm dying alone.

And now that just sounded sad. Fleur had Mike and there had been a wedding planned before the cancer kicked in. I kind of wanted that again. Not Mike, because I wasn't _really_ Fleur anymore but I wanted a love like that.

But I was either going to be a cougar or a cradle robber.

God damn it.

"You were _staring_." Sasuke informs me and apparently in his mind, staring equated a crush.

"Yeah because he does that _thing_." I say waving my hands "The… the smoky leafy disappearing thing! _I_ want to do that. The shun-thingy"

Kaa-san is the only one that looks disappointed. Tou-san visibly sighs in relief. Itachi seems to be revising his murder plans.

"Oh it's just the shunshin." Tou-san mutters under his breath "Well, I can teach you two, but only after you've mastered the Gokyaku."

"Tou-san knows it?" I blurt out and going by the slightly affronted glower I get, he does know it.

"So what about you Itachi? Did your mission go well?" Kaa-san asks diverting our attention and I was so dunking Sasuke into the lake the next time we went. Honestly.

Itachi latched onto the new topic with gusto and the conversation moved into safer waters after that.

Three weeks later we showed off the fruits of the effort to Tou-san.

A fire ball big enough to engulf a full grown man that made the lake _steam_.

I'd also admitted defeat and dealt with calling out the name of the jutsu before firing it.

Didn't mean I screamed it like Sasuke though. I said it. Just shy of a mumble but I said it. Turns out, volume had no impact on the strength of the jutsu. Thank _god_.

"That is good work, Sasuke, Chiyomi." Tou-san said after the fire had died down. He laid a hand on each of our shoulders and we stood a little straighter. There was suddenly a feeling of _ceremony_ to the whole thing. "The Gokyaku is a right of passage into the Uchiha clan. Mastery of this jutsu means that you will now be recognized as full fledged members of the clan. You have deemed yourselves worthy of wearing our proud crest upon your backs. Congratulations."

He said it and then he smiled.

"I'm proud of you both."

Sasuke lit up brighter than the sun and I grinned too because Tou-san had _never_ said he was proud of us before. He'd never said he _wasn't_ proud to be sure but Tou-san wasn't very free with his praise and this was a big deal.

Sasuke was over the moon.

"Thank you Tou-san!" He says nearly vibrating with joy and Tou-san nods and coughs his ears going a bright red again.

"You're the best Tou-san!" I say partially because it was _true_ and partially because I wanted to see those ears get _fire engine_ red. I'm very successful and Tou-san does his awkward throat-clear and feet shuffle.

"Hem. Right, well we best be getting back. I promised your Kaa-san that I'd pick up some groceries on the way home." Tou-san says and quickly hustles us off. I snicker and Sasuke skips off.

Mastering the Grand Fire Ball didn't just grant us a ceremonial affirmation from Tou-san, it was a full-blown celebration. Apparently Itachi had been through the same thing and as per clan tradition, he hadn't _told us_.

Kaa-san made a _feast_. Apparently learning how to spew out fire from your mouth was a milestone in this clan.

We even got presents in the form of new clothes. Another tradition. In fact, we got a whole new _wardrobe_. Of shirts anyway.

Each one had the Uchiha fan emblazoned on the back.

Our mastery of the Gokyaku had also cemented our future professions. We would be ninjas.

Absolutely no one was shocked.

We turned five not long after that and our preparation for the ninja academy began in earnest.

Apparently, Sasuke and I had missed the cut off for the year by two months. Those who had turned five _before_ April, were allowed to enter this year, but for Sasuke and I, we had to wait until next year. Since our birthday was in July smack bang in the middle of the year, our formal ninja education would begin next year in April. April was the start of a school year here so I supposed that it made sense.

That left us with one year to polish up what we didn't already know. Tou-san was rather hell-bent on getting us to the top of the class since there would be no other Uchiha kids in our year. There were a couple scattered in the older years but the class three years after my future one would be _full_ of Uchiha kids.

Some sort of baby boom.

Our training schedule doubled and I mourned my loss of free time. The Uchiha compound was actually _peaceful_ more often than not and that was just unacceptable.

I would be entering the academy in a year. In a year I'd take the first steps towards my ninja career. The ninja academy wasn't advertised as such but it _was_ a place where soldiers were trained. Trained carefully no doubt but still trained to kill. That was the truth of this world and no amount of ridiculous jutsu requirements was going to get around _that_. It was a place that created _soldiers_. Not superheroes.

In a year I would be an academy student. A _cadet_. That meant a lot to me. It meant a lot because of Fleur and the life that she had lived. I walk into that academy and I will be a soldier in training. I walk in there and I would dedicate myself to the life of a ninja. It wasn't something that I was willing to half-ass. That would get me killed.

This world was more sophisticated about combat than I'd originally imagined. I'd been biased, I'd realized that I was in a cartoon and so had expected cartoonish training methods. Ridiculous things that you saw in movies that never worked out well in real life.

But I'd been mostly wrong. Some bits were still rather ridiculous, but most of it wasn't. It wasn't because these were real _people_ and real people figured out what wasn't working pretty damned quickly. A ninja child was a very big investment. Time, energy, money. You didn't want to go too hard too fast or else you could wave that investment goodbye.

So whatever they taught at the academy would be _important_. It was things that I had to _learn_. Vital little tidbits that you didn't know you needed until you got screwed out in the field. Drops of information that steadied your shaking hands when everything blew up in your face. Important things.

Things that if I half-assed might get me _killed_ because this was _not_ a world like Fleur's.

Children being sent out to battle was the norm here. Hell, it was a mark of _pride_ to see battle when you were young. That was how this world worked and one girl raving about how it was _wrong_ wasn't going to change it.

So I was never going to half-ass the academy. That meant I had one last year of _fun_. One last year of freedom to do all the _kid_ things before I'd have to buckle down and save my own ass. One last year of being a child in every sense of the word.

It was kind of sad thinking about it and I hoped that the academy would at least be child-friendly. Maybe they'd do games. I hoped so. Sasuke deserved a childhood that was longer than a measly five years.

On another note, turning five led to another Shichi-go-san celebration. We weren't in the youngest group anymore. In fact, the youngest group had a good _ten_ people. The Uchiha clan was growing, quite rapidly at that.

Tou-san gave another speech and handed out fans to the new kiddies.

We were the only five year olds there that were allowed to wear the clan symbols stitched onto the back of our formal kimono. Even a few seven year olds were staring at us in envy.

Guess Tou-san was the only father crazy enough to teach his _four year olds_ to shoot fire.

For that insanity, he got quite the praise. Sasuke was beaming at all the attention he was getting.

Since it was my last year of freedom, I did my best to cause havoc where I could. Seemingly in retaliation, my parents banded together to keep be as busy with _training_ as they could.

Kaa-san loaded me up on taijutsu, proper etiquette and an intensive all-you-need-to-know course in poisons. Tou-san decided that since we could breathe fire, we should learn the three most basic jutsu.

The clone, the transformation and the replacement jutsus. We did the clone one first because it was the _easiest_ and the first jutsu that the students learned. But Tou-san just had to be _insane_ and teach us to spew fire first. Talk about getting it backwards.

In retaliation to the training hell they were trying to put me through, I kicked up as much fuss in the Uchiha compound as possible. I even went as far as to paint all the trees a bright flamingo _pink_.

Sasuke had found it hilarious and even Itachi had picked up on the tug-of-war that was going on.

I had to admit, I'd had a blast.

In spring I collected flower petals and made a path throughout the compound. In summer I got hold of water balloons and pelted people from the rooves. In autumn I made piles of leaves and used them as a trampoline. In winter I instigated snowball fights with just about everyone. It got better when I started mixing paint with the snow.

I was grounded pretty much every day, double grounded at least once a week and the police station had become a new playground just because of how often I had been dragged there. I even had a designated chair in a paint-stained corner now. I was proud of that chair.

Sasuke had told me once that he thought I was at _least_ half-insane. I'd offered him a balloon filled with paint. Not a _rubber_ one because apparently balloons here were different from the balloons back in Fleur's world. Here, they were made of thick rubber and played with like a ball or yo-yo. They wouldn't burst on impact so I'd resorted to those origami blow-up paper balloons. I'd fold it shiny-side in and it would temporarily protect the actual paper from the liquid inside. They had to be used fast though so when Sasuke hadn't taken it, I'd ditched it at Bantu. Bantu was a rather grumpy old man, and very agile for his age because he chased me for five streets before giving up.

While Itachi never joined in, he got this look in his eyes when it was just us around. It was… he looked at me differently when it was just _us_. He was careful when there were other people around and it had taken me a while to figure out why. It'd taken Shisui showing up one day out of the blue.

"Hey kid." He said just randomly appearing on the branch beside me and I jumped and then nearly fell out of the tree. He saved me though, barely.

"Shisui-san." I greeted when I was plopped back securely onto the branch.

"Setting up your next big prank?" Shisui asked amused and I nodded.

"I'm getting all the cats stuck in trees." I informed him with a grin and Shisui stares at me, stares at the gathering cats on the ground and then snorts.

"You're an evil little one aren't you?" he asks amused "You realize your cousins will _hate_ you for this? They're the ones that'll have to get the cats down."

"Kinda the point."

Shisui laughs.

"Well, how about you put that diabolical plan on hold hm? Itachi tells me you mastered the Grand Fire Ball? Still want to learn the shunshin?" he offers and I perk up.

"Yes!" I say nearly tackling him and he laughs.

"Alright, let's go." He says and hoists me up onto his back and I peek over his shoulder.

"No Sasu-nii?" I ask slightly confused because training was _always_ Sasuke and me together.

"Our little secret." Shisui says with a wink and I don't get it. Then with a flicker of chakra, we're freefalling. I don't yelp in surprise this time. I shriek and laugh at the sensation. Teleporting was _fun_.

We end up in the forests at the back of the Uchiha clan lands.

Usually, for a kid to be taken into a forest by a distant relation, this would have set off all _sorts_ of alarm bells. But we were Uchiha. Uchiha practically raised their kids communally. Everyone made an effort to know everyone. We looked after our own. Sure we had the 'bad news' bad apples in our clan but they were _known_ and everyone steered clear. It was the Uchiha way of saying 'we don't approve, stop this immediately' without saying it outright.

So Shisui taking me randomly into a forest wasn't that big of a deal.

"Itachi tells me that you've got good chakra control. That's where we'll start. The Gokyaku is good for beginners because you don't need much control to make it work, the shunshin is different. So, we're going to climb some trees." Shisui declares and pats a tree.

"I don't get it." I inform him and Shisui laughs.

"Don't worry, I'll explain." He assures and picks up a leaf off the ground and makes it stick to his palm. "Remember the leaf exercise?"

I nod.

"It's the same thing, but instead of sticking a leaf to your hand, you stick _yourself_ to the tree." Shisui says and demonstrates. He crawls _up_ the smooth trunk of the tree on all fours like spider-man and I'm gaping. How the… what…

He summersaults off the tree and laughs at my impression of a guppy.

"Now you try. Remember, it's the same as the leaf exercise, just with a little more chakra. Also remember to use your knees too." Shisui instructs and I approach the tree carefully.

The trunk of the tree wasn't smooth like paper but it didn't have any decent handholds either. Certainly no branches until a good fifteen feet up. Yeah, this place had some big ass trees.

I cautiously put my hand to the tree and push out my chakra. I can feel it _soaking_ into the tree and that _can't_ be right. So I pull back a little and stop pushing chakra so hard.

Shisui makes no comment as I stand there putting my palm onto the tree and then taking it off.

It takes me a good five minutes to realize that I'm using too much chakra and that a thin film of it between the skin of my hand and the tree was enough. The chakra just needed to stick to the _bark_ of the tree not the entire tree itself.

From there, I discovered that it was relatively easy to stick to the tree and not budge even when I pulled backwards. The chakra acted like some sort of glue between my hand and the tree. If I made the chakra… _softer_ I could slide my hand around on the bark but not pull away. If I made it harder, firmer, then my hand would be rooted into the place I stuck it to.

It was kind of fascinating and I hadn't even _known_ that this could happen. I didn't even know you could make chakra _softer_. Well, that was how I saw it. I think I just used slightly less and spread it thinner but it _felt_ softer to me. Whatever worked I guess.

Throughout my experimentation, Shisui said nothing.

I tried both hands just to make sure that I had those down before I tried the knees.

The knees were remarkably harder than the hands because… who the hell could imagine energy shooting out from their _knees_. The mouth and hands? Easy. Knees? Not so much.

But since I'd gotten the hand thing down, it was just a matter of applying that to another part of the body. Which sort of led to question what part of the body it _couldn't_ be applied to. Probably none. Chakra seemed to flow from within the body and out the skin. Since I was _covered_ in skin and chakra was literally another form of energy, there logically shouldn't be any limit as to where you could emit chakra from.

My first attempt at crawling up the tree had a knee slipping but since I'd managed three other points of contact, I don't face-plant nor do I slide down the tree.

The first few feet are a slow careful crawl but as I gain confidence and learn to _trust_ the chakra holding me up, I get faster as I get higher.

At some point Shisui's suddenly _there_ and I almost lose concentration and fall _off_ the tree because he's standing on the trunk.

Honest to god standing there, defying gravity. He's parallel to the ground and laughing at my gaping face.

It takes me a while to process and then I squint at his feet.

"Chakra?" I ask and Shisui nods smirking but I'm still frowning. He's jutting straight out. That's _got_ to be killing his core muscles. I slowly try and sit up and nope, gravity still works. I almost fall backwards but get a hand on the trunk just in time. I hang there leaning backwards and staring up at Shisui wondering how the hell he's doing it. I reach forwards to poke his middle.

"Hey." Shisui says very much amused and steps out of the way like we were on flat ground. I huff.

"How's your stomach not dying?" I demand and Shisui blinks and laughs at me. I stick my tongue out at him. It wasn't _my_ fault that I didn't know the words for 'core muscles' here. Anatomical terms hadn't been really high on Kaa-san's reading and writing lessons. Sure I knew all the body parts but… abs? Nope.

"Now that's lesson number two." Shisui says grinning and I frown. Huh? "Come on."

He leads the way up the tree and I debate trying to copy him and walk but then dismiss it. It was slightly undignified but I'd talk crawling over a fifteen feet plummet to the ground. We reach the lowest branch. A large thick thing that Sasuke and I could probably picnic on and Shisui sits down patting the bit next to him. I shuffle over and _carefully_ walk to where he wants me to sit. I'd made it this far up but I was still human. _Heights_. I fall now and I'll be a pancake.

I sit and swing my legs. I fix my hands to the trunk and I can't resist the morbid urge to lean over and stare at the forest floor.

My stomach drops and my heart flutters. Yup. Pancake.

"Watch this." Shisui tells me and lays a hand on the trunk of the tree. Then I stare as his fingers _glow_ with chakra and he outright _digs_ them into the tree trunk.

He comes away with a handful of splinters and shows me. I grab his hand and stare because… what the hell? What the actual hell? Shisui laughs.

"How do you think I did that?" He questions and I _knew_ the answer wasn't just chakra. He'd… what'd he done? That was superhuman strength but not only that, his skin wasn't even _scratched_.

The hell?

Shisui makes it easier on me and his fingertips begin to glow with chakra again and I gently poke at them.

I can feel the energy. _Shisui's chakra_ and I focus on that. I try to figure out what he's doing with a sixth sense I didn't really understand.

There's… almost two layers of energy. I frown.

"There's… chakra outside." I say and I don't get it so I move on. The chakra inside fills his hand. "Are you… using chakra to make your hand stronger?"

That wasn't exactly what he was doing but it's the best my limited language skills can muster. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the skeletal and the muscular system as well but I didn't know those words so I'm stuck just saying _hand_.

"Almost. Keep trying." Shisui encourages and I huff. I go back to his glowing fingertips.

"Inside, you're using chakra to make the inside stronger." I say and Shisui nods. He also seems to realize that I _get it_. I get it that he's using chakra to strengthen his muscles and bones but I don't know how to say it. "I don't know the outside."

"Well, think about it this way, if I can make the _inside_ stronger, why not the outside?" Shisui questions and I frown at that. I got making muscles stronger, bones stronger. It's… it's like taking steroids or other performance enhancing drugs. But… the outside?

"Chakra's not…" I say and wave my hands. "Chakra's not hard."

"It's not." Shisui prompts and I go back to the hand in frustration. I was getting how he wasn't killing his core now. He'd simply funneled chakra into his muscles and bam, super-abs. What the hell I didn't get was how he managed to claw through _bark_ without getting at least one splinter.

"I don't get it." I say admitting defeat and Shisui laughs.

"Okay, how about this." He says and picking up a leaf holds it between his fingers for a second and then holds the leaf out to me. "Try and rip it."

He doesn't let go of the leaf so I try and rip the tip off. The leaf bends but it won't rip. I frown at it and try again. Once again, it bends but it doesn't rip.

I'm very aware that chakra has something to do with it but I have no clue _what_. How the hell? Shisui is very amused as I sit there twisting the leaf this way and that.

He's not exactly using chakra to make the leaf _stiff_. He's using chakra to… make the leaf stronger? That made no sense whatsoever. I fiddle with the leaf.

Shisui sees that I'm still stuck and the leaf starts to glow as he pumps more chakra into it. But I can sense it now. I sense it because there's _more_. The chakra isn't going _into_ the leaf, it's coating it. Holding it together.

I suddenly get it. He's using chakra to protect his skin, he's not _letting_ his skin get torn because there's chakra holding everything together.

"Woah. That's cool." I say because… this was armor. This was basically _invisible armor_.

It also suddenly explained why ninjas in this world were able to jump three stories with a single bound. They'd used chakra on their muscles and probably bones to give them the strength to make the leap _and_ protect themselves against broken bones on the landing.

All of a sudden this world made a little bit more sense. Why they taught children to throw lethal weapons like it was nothing, why they taught children to spew fire before they'd even entered _school_. Because these things weren't _that_ lethal. Not against adults who had an omnipresent armor of pure _energy_. Not against adults faster, stronger and smarter.

It wasn't my father being ridiculous. It was my father trying to give us a leg up in this world. Huh.

Shisui waits my epiphany out with a smile on his face and when I look over, I'm suddenly struck. Shisui's looking at me like he _knows_ what sort of epiphany I just had. He's looking at me like he's been there before and suddenly I'm wondering if I'm the only one that remembers a past life.

I almost ask but change the question at the last possible second.

"What?"

"No, Itachi was right." Shisui says easily and I frown at him.

"What's Ita-nii right about?" I question but going by the look I already know. He's on to me. Not about the whole past life. About the brains. I wince. "Is that why Sasu-nii's not here?"

"I thought you'd do better if you weren't purposely holding back." Shisui said and there was no need to say that he was right. I suddenly feel awkward because half-assing things was a very _big_ no-no.

I'm very prepared for the lecture that's no doubt going to follow. So what Shisui says next surprises me.

"I won't tell if you won't." He promises and I stare at him like he was crazy. Yeah, sure it was _my_ idea all along but… I did _not_ expect anyone to go along with it.

"Why?" I ask because it went against what every child was taught in our clan. It was why Itachi had shined so bright even when he didn't have to. Why Shisui had been lorded a genius and there was even mutterings of him being promoted to jounin within the year.

"Hmmm, from one genius to another? I think you chose the better path." Shisui admits with a rueful smile. "You should learn from our mistakes. Not repeat them, and I'm glad that you didn't."

I blink because… I hadn't expected this. I hadn't expected Itachi to _know._ I knew that he'd _suspect_ maybe think me smarter than I was letting on but… genius? I shuffle awkwardly because I _wasn't_ a genius. I was just older than my physical body let on. This was as smart as I was ever going to get.

Well, that could be wrong because intelligence could be _learned_. You were fully capable of increasing your intelligence if you trained your mind to do it. Street smarts, book smarts, and sheer experience. They all mattered.

Shisui smiles fully at ease.

"So, you ready to try?" He gestures to the tree trunk and I manage to stop reeling from the bombshell he's dropped.

I put my hand up to the trunk of the tree next to the bit that Shisui's already gouged out and try to figure out how to do two things at once.

"Coat the outside of your hand first, and then the inside. It's easier that way." Shisui advises and I do as bid. I dig my fingers into the bark and although I feel the pressure of it, the bark doesn't break skin.

Then carefully, I add in the second step while keeping the glove of chakra on the _outside_. It is easier than I thought it would be. Like creating the glove and then _filling_ it. I understood why Shisui advised it now. Trying it the other way around would mean going through the already pooled chakra which would make it all ten times harder.

My hand digs into the bark and I watch in fascination as my fingers go into wood.

Oh I can feel the pressure, even slight pain. But I claw harder and the pain doesn't intensify.

By the time I've got a chunk of tree in my hand, I'm kind of amazed.

I should have ripped out a nail at _least_ but nope. Not even a splinter.

Just for the heck of it, I crush the chunk I'd pulled out into pulpy splinters.

"Woah." I say and Shisui laughs.

"Fun right?" He asks and I nod and giggle. It _was_ fun. "Think you're ready for step two?"

I look at the trunk of the tree and then to Shisui.

"I don't suppose I get a lift down?" I ask and Shisui laughs.

"Well how about this." He plants a hand on the tree as well as a foot and then goes… sliding down the trunk of the tree like he's being lowered from a rope. I stare and oh I _so_ want to learn that. He walks back up and laughs.

"Teach me." I say immediately and Shisui smiles.

"First, you stick to the trunk of the tree, then, you just loosen your chakra and let gravity do the work." He says and I could totally do that.

I eagerly attach myself to the tree and then soften the chakra that sticks me to the tree. Shisui had said 'loosen' but I'm pretty sure that the terms were interchangeable. I'm right and I go sliding down at breakneck speed. I whoop and laugh as my hair goes straight up into the air and I don't begin to slow until I've almost reached the ground.

Fully controlled free-fall without any risk? Sign me up. Shisui snags me by the back of the collar as I'm about to go crawling up the tree for another go.

"How about we try running this time? Trust me, start at a run." He advises and I sigh but back up so I can get some momentum going. Then I think better of it and walk closer. Better test out my feet first. No need to face-plant in my eagerness.

I stand there and stick and then un-stick my feet to the tree for a good three minutes before I deem myself proficient. Then I back up and eye the lowest branch. Shouldn't be too hard.

"You'll catch me if I fall right?" I ask Shisui just in case and he laughs.

"If I don't, Itachi will make sure you never find my body." He says amused and I eye the trunk of the tree again. I could totally do this.

I take a deep breath and run for it.

My first steps are solid but I'm losing momentum and gravity is acting and I'd forgotten about that bit. I put more chakra in it and after that put some into my core muscles so I don't flop backwards and break my spine. Or my ankles.

I stagger because I'm not used to funneling chakra in two separate places at once but once it's actually _done_ keeping it going is actually easier than I anticipated.

I make it to the branch with only a slight slip that I recover from without help.

Shisui is of course already there. He's there and he's smiling and he offers me a hand up for the last few inches. I let him pull me onto the branch.

"Does this mean I get to slide down again?" I ask and Shisui laughs at my need for speed.

"In a bit." He promises and we settle onto the branch again. "Are you ready to learn the shunshin now?"

"Finally." I breathe out and give him my full attention. Shisui snorts.

"Hey, be grateful, most ninja don't learn this until they're at least _chuunin_." Shisui says and I was not going to take _that_ laying down. I bat my eyelashes.

"I'm sorry oh great Shisui-sensei-sama. Please teach me the cool jutsu before I push you off this tree." I say and Shisui splutters.

"Sensei-sama?!" He demands and I grin at the ridiculous honorific. I make a motion as if I'm going to push him off and he huffs. "Now I remember your havoc-causing reputation."

"Shiny new jutsu." I demand and Shisui rolls his eyes.

"Demanding little thing aren't you." He laments but launches into the explanation anyway. "The shunshin is actually a very simple jutsu which is why it's so widely used. But most don't take the time to _master_ the technique so the most they do is use it for a quick getaway. If you're proficient enough though, you can learn to do the jutsu without seals and with enough practice, you can _own_ the battlefield."

Hearing Shisui talk about a little jutsu that's probably barely a step up from the basic academy three, I realize that it's his favorite jutsu. It's his favorite jutsu and he thoroughly enjoys abusing the hell out of it. I approved.

"The basis of the shunshin is simple. You use chakra to temporarily grant you immense speed. The more chakra you use, the faster you go. But you have to keep your destination very clearly in mind. It's not space-time ninjutsu, you still have to _get_ there yourself." Shisui warns and promptly dashes my dreams of teleportation. But it was still cool fake-teleportation. I'll take what I could get. "Remember keep your destination clearly in mind and for god's sake _know_ how you plan to get there."

"Or else… splat?" I guessed and Shisui nodded.

" _Big_ splat." He tells me dryly and yeah I got that physics still worked in this world even if Chakra let you defy them for a bit. Force equals mass times acceleration. It was why a bullet could kill you. Lots of acceleration. I imagined running high-speed into a tree and winced. Chakra armor or no chakra armor that wouldn't be pretty. Broken bones at _least_.

But hey, what was teleportation without a little risk?

My need for speed was great.

Shisui takes me through the hand seals one by one and then we race down the trunk. Shisui beats me because I'm pretty sure he'd somehow used chakra to make himself go _faster_.

I'm very envious and Shisui laughs when I hit the ground.

"Ready to give it a try?" He asks and I nod eagerly. "Alright, just to that patch of weeds there. You see it?"

Shisui points straight ahead and I see the patch of weeds. I nod. There's no trees or roots in the way.

I form the seals and feel how the chakra wraps around my entire body and then _anchors_ to that patch of weeds. I grin and complete the jutsu.

I'm suddenly _pulled_ and I shriek in laughter as I go shooting across the forest floor. I end up in that patch of weeds in a swish of wind and I'm grinning like a loon.

I don't even need Shisui to prompt my next attempt. Since I'm not an idiot, I pick somewhere within eyeshot again. I pick the cheerful flower bobbing in the wind. I form the seals and I'm off again with a whoop.

Shisui takes a seat at the base of some tree and lets me get the excitement out of my system.

The more I use it though, the more I begin to think that it's less of a full blown jutsu and more of a _chakra trick_. Like the tree climbing thing and the leaf exercise. It's just got a fancier name.

I wonder if I can cut out a couple of seals but since I don't want to screw it up, I ask first.

"Shisui-san, is it okay if I cut out the seals at random? Or do I need an order?" I ask and Shisui's got a stem of sour-grass in his mouth that he's chewing through.

"As long as you mold the chakra correctly it doesn't matter what seals you take out." He informs me easily and I eagerly start trying.

My first attempt has the shunshin failing completely because my chakra didn't manage to anchor properly and nothing happened.

Cutting out seals meant that I had to focus more closely on what the chakra was doing which made me realize that each individual seal prompted the chakra to flow _differently_. It was like a code.

It was slow going though because I had to do it properly with all the seals, cut one out, fail, and then try and figure out what my chakra had done _differently_. Then I'd have to try and get my chakra to do _that exact thing_ or else I'd once again, fail.

I was so focused on it that it was honestly a shock when Shisui declared that we really ought to be getting back.

I suddenly realized that the sun was setting. I wondered if the cats were out of the trees yet.

Shisui takes me home with a shunshin and I'm left giggling on the doorstep of my house. Shisui winks and waves before vanishing.

It's Itachi that opens the door.

"Ita-nii! Hi!" I say still giddy from all the speed and grinning like a loon.

"Hello Chi-chan." Itachi says smiling and he doesn't ask me how my day was. I was betting that he already knew. Come to think of it, he was probably the one that put Shisui up to this impromptu lesson.

I surged forwards and wrapped my arms around his middle. Itachi is surprised for a second and he stiffens but then he's relaxing and hugging me back.

"Thank you Ita-nii. It was fun." I say to his stomach quietly and Itachi chuckles.

"I'm glad you had fun." Itachi says softly and we part because there's Sasuke's rapid footsteps pattering down the halls.

"Chi-chan! Did you get all the cats stuck in trees?" He demands grinning and I give him my best innocent look.

"No?" I ask and Kaa-san huffs as she emerges from the kitchen wiping her hands on the apron around her waist.

"Oh? Then why was there day-old fish strung up in almost every tree all of a sudden?" She asks amused and I shrug.

"I don't know." I say with full confidence and Kaa-san huffs a little laugh.

"Well go wash up for dinner." She tells me and I beam and run up the stairs. I hadn't even been grounded. Score!

Since we were drawing close to the academy beginning, Sasuke pestered Itachi more and more to help us train for it.

Itachi started taking us out for little day-trips just to get some peace and quiet. He was still running missions almost every day which meant Sasuke _pestering him_ almost every day. With the little training-days that Itachi came up with, the pestering didn't get to puppy-eye levels until three weeks of no Itachi.

I had a feeling that it was Shisui that came up with the idea since he tagged along sometimes.

Training with Itachi was… _fun_. Sasuke took it dead serious at times, but honestly, it was more like _play_. We didn't drill kata, we sort of… did cool kunai tricks. Cool flips and twirls. Just… things that took skill but were… _fun_. Fun to do, to watch, to _try_.

Itachi wasn't above showing off from time to time though, especially when baited into a competition with Shisui.

They'd amazed Sasuke and I when they had a kunai-throwing competition. They had ten kunai each and two throws. So five kunai had to be thrown at once to hit ten separate targets.

My aim was pretty damned good, I could hit the bulls eye with three kunai and four shurikin thrown at once ten times out of ten. But this was a completely different ball game.

Sasuke wasn't the only one watching wide eyed as Shisui went first. He took the simple approach. He covered one side, then the other. One kunai just _barely_ edged the bullseye line though and Shisui sighed.

"Looks like the loss will be mine." He laments as he steps back for Itachi's go.

Itachi just flat out shows off.

He jumps in the air, throws the first handful, summersaults, and while he's _upside down_ throws the second handful.

There's the sound of metal on metal and I duck on instinct because that was a _crazy_ move. But when we look back up, all ten kunai are stuck dead center on their respective targets.

"Nii-san's so cool!" Sasuke says in awe and I nod slightly numbly. What… what kind of god-like aim was _that_? He had changed the trajectory of the _moving_ kunai with more kunai. But it's not even that. He'd have to take into account how the trajectory of the _second_ throw would be changed from hitting the _first_ batch and… just… damned geniuses.

"I wanna learn… can that even be taught?" I say thoroughly amazed and Shisui laughs.

"Maybe when you're a little older." Itachi says amused and slightly smug. I look to Sasuke.

"We're gonna learn that. I don't care how many hours of training we have to do. We are _so_ going to learn that." I say and Sasuke gives his head a firm nod.

"Agreed." He says and we shake on it. Shisui is alternating between laughing and cooing and Itachi is just fond.

The training days don't all go that well.

Sasuke is bull-headed stubborn when it comes to learning some new ninja-related thing. Be it memorizing all the capitals of the Elemental Nations or that cool spin-kick Itachi showed us one time. Since he's so bull-headed stubborn, he absolutely _refuses_ to wait.

Which is why we're in our predicament right now. Itachi carrying Sasuke home on his back. It's because the little brat hadn't taken no for an answer and gone and twisted his ankle something fierce.

"Kaa-san is going to scold _all_ of us." I whine even as I walk next to Itachi through Uchiha's main strip.

"What? No she won't." Sasuke complains. He's sulky because he didn't get the move down _and_ because of the injury.

"She so will and this time, it's _your_ fault." I say and then perk up at the thought "Hey! You might get grounded too!"

"No way!" Sasuke denies nearly unseating himself from Itachi's back. "Kaa-san won't do that."

"Well, we're about to find out." Itachi says amused and we all see Kaa-san walking briskly down the street shopping basket in hand. Uh-oh.

Turns out, Kaa-san was _not_ happy. And Sasuke was _not_ grounded which was all types of unfair. He was however thrown into a whole _new_ brand of hell. Manners.

Kaa-san had decided that five years old was a prime time to instruct Sasuke on manners also. Since Sasuke had twisted his ankle and thus couldn't _escape_ he was well and truly trapped. Poor Sasuke was bored out of his skull. I escaped and climbed a tree. I wasn't the one that twisted an ankle. Maybe the kid will learn from this.

He didn't. He went right back to those spin-kicks the second he was cleared to run around. Honestly, that child. I worried for the kid sometimes, I really did.

That year we trained harder, trained longer and muscle soreness was the norm. Tou-san seemed hell bent on getting us into the top of the class and there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop him.

Kaa-san kept reminding me to be nice to all the other kiddies and to watch out for any other Uchiha clan kids in the academy. That was the thing about Uchiha. We might act like assholes with ten foot poles up our asses but we fought for our own. That was what made the Military Police such a good unit. You messed with one, you messed with them _all_. Most clans were like that. The Inuzuka though were the most intense. There _had_ been that mauling incident… but we weren't supposed to talk about that. It stopped absolutely no one from talking about it. As the rumor has it, some Uchiha was so enraged that they literally mauled someone. Now there's a sight I wanted to see.

With the Academy looming ever closer, everyone and their grandmother had advice for us. Do this, do that, you have to know this, you have to know that. I swear I've got the whole academy curriculum memorized going back thirty years at this point.

Uchiha looked after their own. Even if 'looked after' meant pestering them to death. Thank god for Itachi who despite being thoroughly _abnormal_ gave the most _normal_ piece of scholarly advice.

Itachi told us to do our best and pay attention in class. You know, normal stuff.

He also put a lot of stress on 'enjoying our years at the academy' which I think was his way of drilling 'don't graduate early' into my skull.

By the time I was due to being the academy I had perfected paint-balloon-bombs and as my going-away present to the Uchiha district pelted everyone with them.

I had been double-grounded after being delivered to the police station by _three_ paint-splattered Uchiha but it was so worth it. Tou-san hadn't even bothered to lecture me after the three Uchiha left. He'd just grounded me and told me to do a food run for him. He even gave me some lunch money to get myself something to eat.

But that was my last hurrah.

The next day was the first day of school.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N : Guys… guys… this is… This is over forty pages long. I'm so sorry. I'm breaking down the next few chapters into something more manageable I swear.**

 **But thank you all for all the reviews and kind feedback you've been giving me! I generally reply via PM, but since I can't reply to my wonderful guest reviews that way, a blanket THANK YOU! To all you lovely people! Truly, thank you.**

 **Also, to Blackraven777 and Blue0007. I can't PM you so I'll reply to you here. I hope you don't mind. Please let me know if you don't want it done this way!**

 **Blackraven777- Ahhh the massacre, will it? Won't it? Who knows? As for Kakashi, he absolutely got a kick out of stringing up those flowers. He's also constantly dumbfounded that the Uchiha of all clans produced someone like Chiyomi. He has no idea how that happened. Neither do the rest of the clan for that matter. As for rookie nine interactions… well, you might hate me a little after you read this chapter? Just… keep in mind that she doesn't know they're important? Like, she has absolutely no idea who any of them are. So… yeah. But I'm prepared for the flames! Fire extinguisher at the ready! *** **Hunkers down, grabs hose* She won't be mean or anything but… yeah. I think I'm gonna make people unhappy for a bit here.**

 **Blue0007- As someone who doesn't have any siblings, your words make me so happy. I'm honestly just going off what my friends who do have siblings have told me and… internet memes. And Itachi, oh poor socially inept Itachi. He may be a genius, but when it comes to socializing, he's a bit of an idiot. You do bring up a very good point about a few pieces of her past life! It's much appreciated so thank you! I've actually made a note of it in my to-do list because it is something that I haven't explored but very much should. It might have to come in the next few chapters though because… this chapter is way too long already. But it's definitely going to happen! Thank you for it, truly!**

 **Also, as for the military background, if anyone has anything they would like to share to make sure things are as accurate as possible PLEASE let me know. While I'm writing this, I'm doing as much research as I can about the United States Marine Corps and its regulations as well as what actual Marines are saying online. Any piece of information would be greatly appreciated, especially if it's something that isn't well known.**

Chapter 4

 **Academy Days**

On the first day of school, we didn't get up at the crack of dawn. We were allowed to sleep in because this was a _special_ day.

Usually, Kaa-san would be booting us awake and we'd spend the morning doing exercises under Tou-san's stern eye. Today though, was the first day of school and so we weren't required to be up with the sun.

In fact, Kaa-san let us sleep in until seven.

"Sasuke! Chiyomi! Get up! It's your first day at the academy!" Kaa-san shouted and going by Sasuke's yelp he had bolted up and was now running down the stairs. Good thing about futons. You can't fall out of them. You just sort of rolled off. I got up too and picked something Kaa-san-approved. I knew for a fact that if I didn't I was being marched right back and forcefully changed.

I picked a light-blue shirt with the Uchiha crest on the back and a slight turtleneck collar. Black shorts went underneath a 'training skirt' to keep Kaa-san happy and I was ready. Nothing fancy because we had been cautioned until our ears bled against jewelry and window-dressing that could get us killed. Between looking like a badass ninja and living I would look like a homeless old man any day of the week.

In the dining room I passed Kaa-san's inspection of my clothing and was told to help set the table. Then, she did my hair for the day. Kaa-san always did my hair, and today was a special day so I Kaa-san's version of a waterfall braid.

Breakfast was filled with excitement as Sasuke wolfed everything down like it would get him to the academy faster. Even Tou-san was there when at this time he should be at the police station already. Apparently, we were going to be sent to the academy with the entire family. We hadn't done that for Itachi. I had a feeling that was the plan until Sasuke threw his little tantrum and they decided that they couldn't bring a wailing Uchiha baby out into the public eye.

Sorry Itachi.

We were all packed up and handed our brand new school bags. I'd honestly been expecting a sack or a satchel since the Uchiha clan was _very_ steeped in tradition but nope. We got the more modern-looking backpacks that I'd seen a few other Uchiha kids totting around. It was either a clan thing or an Academy thing because Sasuke's and mine were identical in every way. We're going to need name tags for these things that was for sure.

Kaa-san packed our lunch boxes into our bags with a beaming smile and we were given strict instructions _not_ to peek at the contents until lunch. I think it was just one of those 'things' that went with the first day of school rituals.

Even Itachi had managed to stall his mission for a few hours to walk with us. Sasuke was over the moon and I was pretty happy too. Itachi was a rising star in the ninja forces which meant he was getting busier and busier. Which meant _we_ saw him less and less. It honestly sucked sometimes.

Once we were deemed presentable, Kaa-san hustled the entire family out and I had to grab Sasuke's hand least he go sprinting down the street and get lost.

The academy was quite a walk, about half an hour, but we walked because Kaa-san said that we needed to know the way. It was our first _real_ venture out into the village as a whole. I'd mostly stuck to the Uchiha clan lands because that was where I was allowed to cause all sorts of mayhem. Sasuke had stuck to the compound because well, everyone he knew was there.

We'd done grocery runs with Kaa-san before but it was down the same streets and to the same stores.

Turns out, the academy was on the _other side_ of the village, nestled close to Hokage mountain. Which, was a good thing. If you get lost, just aim for the big stone faces.

I was anticipating us to get lost at least once. Konoha was built like a _maze_. The streets made absolutely no sense. They branched off and curled in weird directions and there was only _one_ straight road that we'd come across. The shopping strip that Kaa-san favored. Great.

I gave up memorizing it half way through. Here's hoping that someone picked us _up_ from the academy because we weren't getting home on our own that was for sure.

Sasuke was too excited at the prospect of the ninja academy to take in much of anything.

During the walk we were lectured on the do's and don'ts of the ninja academy. Do make friends, don't cause trouble, do study, don't slack off. That kind of thing. I think Kaa-san was trying to drill some last-minute manners into Sasuke. I was already well versed even if I didn't use it unless absolutely necessary.

Tou-san showing that _some_ things stayed the same across universes told us to scream for the cops if anything went wrong. He had a whole procedure for us to follow too. Look for Uchiha adult, if no Uchiha adult scream for police, if police don't come sprinting like the world was ending, scream for ANBU. I felt that last bit _might_ be overkill. ANBU from what I understand was the black ops of this world. That was like setting a fully armed and pissed off SWAT team after whatever poor sucker had looked at us wrong.

My Tou-san the head of the Uchiha Police ladies and gentleman. Overkill may or may not be his middle name.

When we arrived at the academy, there was no need to tell us that we'd arrived. I couldn't read the kanji on all the banners but it was _blindingly_ obvious that they were welcoming the students. That and the crowd of kids milling about creating quite the din also tipped me off. Just a bit.

Since the academy started in April, or well, the 'fourth month', the sakura trees were in full bloom. We had a few in the Uchiha compound. But not that many. Just a few families that had liked the flowers and planted the trees. It wasn't exactly a clan-wide thing.

Sakura flowers were beautiful like this and even Sasuke stared in amazement. We'd never seen the trees so big or in such abundance. The petals fell like pink snow and turned the academy path white-pink.

It was ironic.

Sakura had a very precise meaning in the flower language. Fleetingness of life. Like the flowers that only lived for a few short days before the petals fell to the ground. It was a reminder that life was short, that you were alive one second and then like the petals of the Sakura flower you would flutter down into the underworld. It meant that life was short, and that death was coming.

Ironic isn't it that it was planted in the ninja academy to welcome its students?

The flowers were still beautiful though. No need to ruin _that_.

Once we got into the courtyard of the academy proper though, we promptly hid behind Tou-san's legs. Because he was the biggest in our family and there were _way_ too many people here.

It was even louder too with children running around and adding to the general chaos.

Kaa-san giggled at us and Tou-san's ears went red. Itachi dragged us out to face the music and we gave him teary puppy eyes.

"Go on, make friends." He encouraged. I eyed the chaos and wondered how much _more_ chaos I could bring. Just as I was planning to bring a couple of sponges and a small can of paint with me tomorrow, Kaa-san cleared her throat sternly and I peeked over.

"Chiyomi." She says in _that_ tone of voice and I automatically hide behind the nearest person. Said person was Itachi who wasn't going to play human sacrifice and dragged me back out. "You are here to learn the Shinobi arts. You will focus in class, _won't you_."

Ohh she'd said _shinobi_ not 'ninja' that was serious. The word 'ninja' was actually considered slang in this world. The _proper_ title was 'shinobi _'_ and for Kaa-san to use that…

"Yes Kaa-san." I say immediately and try to make myself as small of a target as possible. Then the rather terrifying smile on Kaa-san's face softens and even Tou-san shudders a little at the change.

"Good." She says all back to being happy like she hadn't been about to murder us all. Kaa-san was scary as _hell_ when she saw fit to remind us that she had been a _jounin_ before she decided her kids were more important than her ninja career.

Kaa-san did have a point though, this _was_ important. But the Uchiha clan wasn't off the hook. I'd established myself and I had a _reputation_ to keep.

At eight am sharp the chuunin instructors got us all separated from our parents and lined up in front of the wooden stage. It's all scuffed and the wood's dented so no doubt they pulled the thing out of storage every year.

I got a very good view. Sasuke and I were up front and center. The Uchiha crests on our backs made us stick out. Clan crests were strictly an 'older kid' thing at most. I'd seen a few clan crests amongst the oldest age group but none in our row.

There was no microphone stand set up and the Hokage cleared his throat.

Complete silence fell.

Guess he didn't need the microphone.

The bird tweeting from a tree sounded rude.

We all _knew_ what the Hokage looked like. You know, because his _face_ was carved into the side of a _mountain_. But I honestly couldn't tell you what he _really_ looked like now. The large white hat hid his eyes and a good portion of his nose from view. All I saw of his face was a mouth and a grey beard. His skin was tanned and lined that spoke of time spent under glaring sun.

He didn't look like much to be honest. Not overly tall, just shy of being _short_. With robes that swallowed him up and that large hat, he looked almost _small_. Not at all like the grand visage of a living legend that was carved into the side of a mountain.

His voice was gravelly and he spoke eloquent words that went right over my head. There were 'formal' words and there were 'casual' words in this language. It meant that there could be two words for the exact same concept but just articulated differently. In English we just tacked on things like 'would you please' and 'if you could' to be formal. In Japanese the word changed depending on what level of politeness you were attempting to achieve.

Kaa-san had drilled that into my head over the course of three years and I was _still_ struggling. Poor Sasuke was completely lost by the third minute.

It was a ten minute speech.

From what I could gather, it was one of those standard 'inspiring' speeches. There was a lot of 'hope' and 'hard work' and stuff about the village that I couldn't _completely_ understand. I think there were quite a few fire metaphors thrown in there too because he kept saying the word 'fire' over and over again.

But the glamour of seeing the Hokage in person wore off for the new kids and the older ones had probably heard this speech half a dozen times before. By the end of it all, we were left with a bunch of fidgety children eager to get the Hokage off the stage and the show on the road. A living legend upstaged by _school_.

That's kids for you.

Sasuke and I stood stock still though. There was a particularly threatening feeling coming from behind us and I was willing to bet that if I dared to turn around, Kaa-san would murder me right then and there.

Poor Sasuke felt it too because he had my hand in a death grip.

The Hokage finally finished and we all clapped in relief.

It took the Hokage walking down the stage for me to remember that he was a _living_ legend and he still _lead_. I watched him go down the stairs smooth as can be.

There were plenty of old people in the Uchiha compound. Even older ninjas and they all had a certain _stiffness_ in the way that they did things. Age and their chosen profession taking their toll.

The Hokage displayed none of that.

I'm suddenly reminded that this was the man that kept an entire village of fire-breathing ninjas under his control. He said jump, we said how high. There was a reason for that beyond 'his predecessor said so'.

Beware an old man in a profession where men die young indeed. I have no clue who originally said it back in Fleur's world but damn did it hold true here.

I was suddenly reminded that this world wasn't as ridiculous as I'd first written it off to be.

The moment was abruptly shattered when a chuunin stepped up and told us to go look for our classes.

There was immediate chaos. The little kids who _might not even know how to read_ scrambled for the notice boards behind the stage and the older kids who _could_ read scrambled too.

You'd think that the Chuunin who ran this place would know better by now. Or maybe they'd just given up.

Sasuke and I lingered at the back of the crowd so that we didn't get trampled.

We eventually found our names under class 1-2. Turns out, we had enough students in our year for _three_ full classes.

There was only _one_ class that was labeled with a 7. That was the graduating class this year. Either the academy was so devilishly hard that the numbers were whittled down to a _third_ by the end of the seven years or some kind of baby boom had happened.

I was betting on the baby boom. There was the odd Uchiha that had _chosen_ to drop out of the academy for some reason or another, usually family related, but I don't remember anyone _failing_ out.

In standard first-day-of-school fashion, there were some tears, some tantrums and lots of screaming.

Our parents and Itachi waved us goodbye and we were sort of swept into the academy proper with the crowd.

Rather anticlimactic but Sasuke was clinging to my hand and refusing to let go.

We were officially on our own.

It took a bit and a few bumps and jostles before we find the right class.

Sasuke and I shuffle in and sort of stare around not quite knowing what to do.

Everyone sort of awkwardly stands around and those that were already friends cling to each other.

I eye a few of the kids and try to figure out which ones are the best to make conversation with. There's a Hyuuga trying to blend in with the walls and an Inuzuka running around in circles with a puppy. That was pretty much it for the clan kids. Could've been other clan kids but since they didn't have crests, I wouldn't know. I swallow suddenly feeling _awkward_. Sasuke inches behind me trying to get himself a human shield.

Not happening buddy. I step to the side so he gets to face the music too.

Thankfully, before we're forced to strike up awkward conversation with the kid closest to us, our chuunin teacher walks in and barks at us to pick a seat.

Everyone scuttles for it but I couldn't help but _stare_.

Ninjas as a rule weren't exactly _vain_. There wasn't exactly an 'ideal' body type that everyone strived for but… but it's _weird_ to see a fat ninja. A full blown ninja and not just a chubby kid. Not a civilian. A _ninja_.

We had about… two ninjas in the Uchiha clan who were, well, big. But they were big in the sense that they were tall _and_ wide. This guy… his cheeks _jiggled_ when he talked and it was just _weird_. It's something that I'm suddenly not used to. Hell, there were plenty of overweight civilians in the Uchiha clan. It wasn't anything weird. But for some reason, seeing this guy is… jarring. It takes me a moment to understand _why_ because it wasn't like overweight people were against the norm.

It was because of the ninja lifestyle. You trained, you rested, you ate a carefully balanced meal, and then you trained some more. An athletic body was basically a given under those conditions.

I guess that the academy teachers led different lifestyles from your average ninja.

Sasuke shakes me out of it by dragging me to an empty row to settle down in. He puts himself right up against the wall using _me_ as a buffer.

Well played Sasuke, well played. I'm gluing your sandals to the floor.

I personally thought that the room is set out more like a university lecture hall than a classroom for five year olds.

There's three rows and each row is slightly elevated from the one before it. The chuunin teacher is at the very front with a desk and a wide blackboard that spans the entire wall. From where he's standing, he can see every student with ease and we in turn can all see the board with ease. If you weren't stuck in the back corner that is.

Since each row sat three people, a girl with brown hair was forced to sit next to me.

We waved at each other awkwardly.

Thankfully, we didn't have to make conversation because as soon as everyone's seated, the chuunin at the front starts talking. His voice rings clear and loud in the suddenly silent room.

"I am Daikoku-sensei and you will be my students! It is my duty to impart to you the fundamentals of the Shinobi world for if your foundations are weak all that comes after too shall be weak."

With that he began a very in-depth lecture of what the academy was going to be like, what was expected, what we will learn and so on and so forth.

It actually took up most of the morning.

By the time the lunch bell chimed, the kids were all bored from being talked at and we were released to eat outside.

We immediately flocked to the group of Uchiha kids. Since we were the clan head's kids we got head-bows and everyone sort of shuffled into a circle.

Like all good Uchiha with sticks up our asses and a reputation to keep in public, lunch was mostly silent. We were still kids though. Our special fist-day bento got quite a few envious looks when we cracked them open. Kaa-san was a wonderful cook, I shamelessly took advantage.

"Rikou-san. Trade the pumpkin tempura that you've been eyeing for the potato salad that you've been avoiding?" I offered and Sasuke shot me a dry look.

"Done." Rikou said immediately and we forked over the respective goods.

"If Kaa-san finds out I'm not saving you Chi-chan." Sasuke said and I shrugged and took a bite of the potato salad.

"Worth it." I declared after I swallowed. Rikou's ears turned bright red. Declaring that it was worth getting into trouble for the potato salad was the Uchiha equivalent of me yelling about the guy's potato salad making skills off the top of Hokage mountain and handing out fliers at the village gates. Sasuke sighed and ate his lunch without trading.

I managed to trade all the stuff I didn't want to eat for stuff that I _did_ want to eat. As long as no one told Kaa-san about it, I was safe. Since I had managed to prompt group-wide trading, I wasn't worried. Mutually assured scolding.

After lunch we got nods from the Uchiha group and headed back to the classroom.

We were then promptly herded back out to the field where everyone had eaten lunch. Apparently they were the training fields. Our teacher put up targets and got us to line up.

"Alright everyone. This is the introduction to your first ninja skill. Shurikin and Kunai." He said holding up one of each. Sasuke and I were bored to tears for the rest of the day. It was the basic 'how to hold it' lesson and blunted training weapons were passed out to every child. Sasuke and I only listened with half an ear.

It took an _hour_. A solid hour to get past the 'how to hold it' to the 'how to throw it'. At that point, I just wanted to brain myself with the blunted weapon because it was so _boring_. Tou-san had covered this with us at _least_ twenty times by now and dear god someone make it stop.

It was also suddenly blindingly obvious who had come from a ninja family or clan and who _hadn't_. The ones that hadn't were all sparkly eyed. The ones that had at least _some_ ninja-style upbringing were standing there as bored as me.

By the time we were actually allowed to try our first _throw_ I just wanted to go home.

It was just one throw and I think it was to placate the rowdy kids. That and to prevent a riot if we got to hold weapons but not _throw_ them.

I was utterly unsurprised that most people did horribly. It wasn't even entirely their fault. Blunted weapons just didn't stick into the wooden targets. At all. Never mind an edge, these training kunai and shurikin didn't have a _point_. It had either been beaten down by over use or buffed down so a kid didn't take an eye out of someone. Most likely themselves.

Most hit the target and just bounced off. A few missed the target completely. One kid tried to be fancy, threw his shurikin with a flourish and it went straight into a tree to his left. It didn't come back down.

Sasuke and I both nailed a bullseye even if it didn't stick. A few kids even clapped. Daikoku-sensei was very impressed.

So impressed that he talked to Kaa-san about it when she came to pick us up after our first day of school. Guess we made a good impression. Sasuke was beaming at the praise.

That night at dinner we were asked how was the academy and were we good. General 'how was school' questions really.

Kaa-san relayed about our praise and Tou-san gave us proud nods. Sasuke was over the moon.

The only damper on the evening was that Itachi had left for his mission. At only eleven he was _chuunin_ now. Most eleven year olds hadn't even graduated the academy let alone hit _chuunin_. It had been a field promotion from what I hear. I didn't doubt it. Tou-san was very proud about the whole thing.

With his promotion came _proposals_. I kid you not. Everyone was trying to marry their daughters off to Itachi. So far, no one had succeeded in making an honest man out of Itachi. I wondered how long that would last. Some of my cousins were _very_ persistent. They'll make Itachi walk down that aisle sooner rather than later I'm sure.

The academy as it turned out was ninety-percent boring and ten-percent interesting. Mainly because only ten-percent of the covered material was even remotely new.

The Kunoichi lessons that ever girl was required to take were the bane of my existence. It wasn't that we had a bad teacher or anything. It's just that I _already knew all this_. It was like I was being punished for not doing anything and it _sucked_.

I still got good grades in that class though, hard not to since I already _knew it all_ , but it made Kaa-san happy. So, there's that.

Surprisingly, the one class that both Sasuke and I didn't do all that well in, was _taijutsu_. Yeah. Taijutsu.

It was actually in taijutsu that those that came from civilian families shined. It wasn't that the rest of us suddenly grew an extra limb or anything. It was just that… we weren't allowed to use the style that we'd been learning for _years_. We were just flat out _not allowed_ to. It was bullshit in my opinion.

Switching between one style of taijutsu to another wasn't exactly easy. You had habits that you developed from your _first_ style that would carry over when you tried to learn the second style. Sure, the fundamentals like 'how to throw a punch' stayed the same but it was infuriating. We weren't allowed to spar just yet and so we were stuck on katas but it just… frustrating. The Inuzuka and the Hyuuga in my class struggled too. So at least I wasn't alone in my woes. Sasuke was a stubborn little thing and now his pride was on the line so he was going to get the Spring Leaf style down or break a few bones trying.

I was _far_ less enthusiastic about the whole thing.

I was _used_ to the Swift Paw and I _liked_ it. The Spring Leaf on the other hand I did _not_ like. I got why they taught it. It was _designed_ to be the basic style that you built on later in life. But it's… stiff. It's that one-size-fits-all uncomfortable that doesn't really come as advertised. Sure, it _worked_ but I didn't like it.

I'd been spoilt by the Uchiha taijutsu style. The Swift Paw was based around the Sharingan's ability to copy not just ninjutsu but also taijutsu. So over time, a style had been developed that wasn't much of a style at all. It was a series of bridging moves that was meant to string copied taijutsu techniques together. What we were taught was essentially the gap fillers. It left a _lot_ of room for innovation and it was _highly_ adaptable. I liked it because what worked for Tou-san didn't work for me and what worked for Itachi didn't necessarily work for Sasuke. Everyone sort of ended up developing their own distinctive styles.

Tou-san and Kaa-san was a great example. Tou-san's Swift Paw looked more like _Block_ Paw. He was sturdy, he was solid and he hit with brute force. He had no need to build up momentum and just used his natural strength to his advantage. Kaa-san on the other hand used a lot of flips and twirls and sweeping movements to build up that momentum. She lost out on brute strength so she made up for it. Her taijutsu style was trickier. Sharper. If they went at it side by side, you'd only be able to pick out a few flickers of the same movements.

In the Spring Leaf, everyone looked exactly the same. It was frustrating because we were doing things that I _knew_ wouldn't work for me. The hard straight punches, the sharp kicks. It had taken a lot of _effort_ for me to figure out what I liked and what _worked_. This was _not_ what worked.

Admittedly, it wouldn't have taken _nearly_ as much effort if my honorable ancestors had the decency to _write down instructions to what moves they stole_. But no. I'd been to the clan libraries. It was basically ninjutsu, ninjutsu, ninjutsu, oh look a genjutsu, ninjutsu, ninjutsu… you get the point. So much _wasted_ potential. Would it have killed them to write down some _taijutsu_ instructions for future generations?

Sure, the sharingan was a big scary bloodline limit that made big tough ninjas run home crying to their mommies, but the Uchiha who bore the sharingan… they should have been so scary, so frightening, so feared that meeting one on the battle field would equate instant defeat.

Think about it. You could copy jutsu sure, but that meant you could adapt to anything. It meant that all that knowledge could be pulled out at a moment's notice. That you would become the ninja version of a swiss army knife. A hundred and one solutions to any hopeless situation.

So why the hell were the Uchiha doing the whole 'monkey-do-monkey-see' gig? I mean really, it was like the first step. There was no invention, no combination. The Uchiha Clan should have been a melting pot of Jutsu. Instead, it was stuffy and no one seemed to want to share what they had learned. What the hell happened to the whole 'sharing is caring' thing?

I really hoped that I was biased about this whole thing and that the only reason why I didn't see much of jutsu sharing was that they didn't want to teach an academy brat their hard-earned jutsu. Otherwise, my clan was a clan of _morons_.

Our woes of taijutsu aside, the rest of the ninja academy was exactly like school. With a slightly more morbid twist. It wasn't shoved in our faces exactly but it was _there_. Just sort of embedded in the curriculum. Like if there are five ninja, and two die from poison, how many are left? That was a real math question we'd been given and that was the _standard_ question format.

The only real difference from ninja-school and, well, _regular_ school was that we sometimes got to beat people up during PE.

Entering the Academy seemed to drive Sasuke into new heights of training fanaticism because you just couldn't find a time when he _wasn't_ training. I was honestly afraid that the kid was going to burn out at this rate. His dedication was rather impressive though.

But since starting ninja-school, the Uchiha compound seemed to breath a collective sigh of relief. They thought that I wouldn't have time to cause havoc. Well they were _wrong_ and I had a reputation to keep.

So over the weekend, I went around hiding bird seed in laundry and catnip was shoved through the gaps in doors.

The _real_ chaos didn't start until late in the afternoon and by then, I was safely hidden up a tree cackling.

I was of course questioned about the chaos at dinner.

"Chiyomi. Would you know anything about what happened today?" Tou-san demands sternly and I play it innocent. Rule one, deny, deny, deny.

"No? What happened today?" I ask and Sasuke giggles into his miso soup. Kaa-san sighs.

"And here I hoped you'd be more well behaved now that the academy's started." She lamented and I gave her wide eyes.

"I finished all my homework!" I say as if scandalized and Sasuke perked up.

"Even the map?" he asks and I know _exactly_ what he's referring to. The geography homework where we were supposed to color in the different countries. I nod.

"You wanna borrow my colors?" I offer and Sasuke readily accepts.

"Yes. I'm missing a color for Rain, Rice and Hot Water." He laments with a huff. Yeah, countries were stupidly named in this world. Who the hell went 'oh, I know, I'll name this country Rice' because that was _such_ a good idea. It's not like rice was a _staple food around here_ or anything.

"You can leave Rice white. White's a color." I suggest and Sasuke is very enthused by the thought of doing less work. I patted myself on the back for that awesome rice joke.

"Do your homework properly!" Kaa-san scolds and both Sasuke and I shrink down.

"But it _is_." I mumble into my rice, ha, but then Kaa-san pins me with a _look_.

"What was that young lady?" She asks all sugary and sweet and Tou-san hides his face behind his bowl of soup.

"Uh… the tenpura's good?" I squeak picking up a piece and wave it weakly in the air. Kaa-san hums in satisfaction and the sense of impending doom fades away. I wasn't the only one that breaths a sigh of relief. Tou-san does too.

Since Itachi's running all those missions, he's not home often anymore and that's making Sasuke all kinds of sulky.

I understood on some level because well, _duty calls_ and all that. But if Itachi broke his promise about helping me perfect the shunshin _one more time_ I was going to see if the lorded genius of the Uchiha clan could be pranked.

So when I caught him trying to sneak out at the ass crack of dawn, I was understandably unhappy.

"Ita-nii." I grumble and my poor brother actually jumps. He turns back rather guiltily.

He's just bending down to slip on his shoes.

"Chi-chan. What are you planning to subject the clan to this time?" Itachi asks no doubt trying to wriggle his way out of this. Not happening brother mine.

"You mean what I'm planning to subject _you_ to if you break that promise to help me with my shunshin _again_." I threaten padding up to him and Itachi sits down so that he can put his shoes on with a rueful smile.

"Forgive me, Chi-chan." He says and he's genuinely sorry. There's a tight crease between his eyebrows and suddenly I don't think this is one of his 'show off' missions anymore. Itachi did a lot of those. He's getting _famous_ now, he was a kid _chuunin_ in a world where _adults_ sometimes didn't even get that rank. Everyone wanted the prodigy to do something for them. Be it guard them on their travels or deliver an object to a relative. They were in a sense, publicity missions for the village and milk runs for someone as capable as Itachi.

"Is it bad?" I ask softly and the previous mood drains away to something less childish. There's suddenly less of a distinction between big brother and baby sister. We're almost on equal ground. Itachi shuts his eyes and dips his head.

"There were a group of bandits reported to be harassing border towns." Itachi says and that's all he needs to say. Information like this is in no way shape or form confidential or 'need to know' so he's free to share it. He could have said more. How many bandits, their leader, how many towns they'd been through. But he doesn't because he doesn't _need_ to.

There's only one way this world deals with bandits. A very _permanent_ way.

And Itachi was that permanent way.

His eyebrows are tight and he just looks _tired_. I'm suddenly reminded that Itachi's _eleven_. He is eleven god damned years old. He is eleven years old and the only mistake he'd made was let everyone know he was a genius.

I swallow. I had nothing to say and my mouth feels dry. There's nothing _to_ say. So I do what I can.

"Keep frowning like that and you'll get wrinkles Ita-nii. Then we'll _never_ be able to marry you off." I say and poke at the crease in his brow. Itachi's so thrown for a loop that his eyebrow shoot for his hairline. "It's gonna be okay."

Itachi actually smiles at me and I yelp when he pokes me back right in the forehead.

"Of course it will. I'll see you when I get back." Itachi says and I'm still spluttering and rubbing at my forehead when Itachi gets himself out the door. I huff. But I can't on good conscience prank him. This time.

Itachi takes a solid two weeks on that mission and by the time he gets back all weary and tired, Sasuke is ready to riot. I swear if I suggested it, he'd make protest signs and picket himself in front of the Hokage's office. As funny as that would be I went down the safer road. I made puppy eyes at Tou-san. I roped Sasuke in it too.

It was highly effective.

That weekend we were sent on a day-trip with Itachi to get some steel ore from the Uchiha ninja cats.

Which… I had not been expecting to happen. Ever. But… apparently, we had ninja… cats?

I'll believe it when I see it.

It would turn out to be a rather mind-bending day because after Kaa-san had sent us off with lunch like we were going on some kind of picnic, Itachi led us _into_ the back of the Uchiha clan lands and not, you know, out of it. I knew for a _fact_ that there wasn't a group of ninja cats selling steel ore in our backyard. I'd have found them by now.

Itachi seemed to find my skepticism very funny. He wasn't saying anything though and was simply holding Sasuke and I each by the hand so we didn't run off. More like Sasuke didn't run off. The kid was over the moon at the thought of running important errands with his big brother.

Itachi led us through the forest following some path we couldn't see until we rounded a corner and I spotted a little shrine up against a tall tree. It wasn't that special of a tree and it wasn't that special of a shrine. I'd seen some of those around. They were shrines to the local forest deities.

Each forest had at least one deity that was believed to look after it. Anger the deity and the forest will grow dark and poisonous. Appease the diety and the forest will provide edible plants and game. There were always small offerings left at each shrine every now and again.

There were hundreds of deities, many without names, just 'forest kami' and they weren't gods as Fleur understood them. They were spirits. Some were believed to have power, like Amaterasu who was the kami of the sun, but others were little more than ghosts. Now, I'd never actually _seen_ one of these kami or anything like that so I wasn't holding out for any kind of divine intervention. Fleur had believed in God before the whole… well, reincarnation into a cartoon thing happened. Now, I was just confused.

But now wasn't the time to have an inner debate on religion and philosophy.

The shrine that sat innocently against a tree looking like every other shrine I'd seen in this life was apparently important. So important that Itachi knelt in front of it and prompted us to do the same. Sasuke didn't question it and dropped to the ground in an instant. I slid to the ground a little slower. Kaa-san had sent me off in a yukata and there would be hell to pay if I came back with it covered in grass stains.

Kneeling up close I saw the Uchiha fan etched on the shrine's roof. Just at the pointed tip. It was tiny, and it wasn't colored but we all knew what it was.

I stared at the shrine and then to Itachi. I see him nick his thumb with a kunai and then smear the blood over the etched Uchiha fan. Right where the red bit should be.

It does absolutely nothing. I wondered if it was some sort of ritual but then Itachi starts weaving hand seals. I don't catch them all because Itachi is _fast_ with them but he ends on the boar seal and slaps his palm against the smear of blood.

"Reverse summoning." He says and black _ink_ shoots out from the point of impact and I yelp. Its like spokes on a wheel but they're kanji characters all stringed together and then it starts to _glow_ with chakra.

There's a little jerk and what feels like a wall of wind and suddenly I can't see anything because there's white smoke _everywhere_ and I choke and splutter trying to frantically wave it out of my face.

It clears and… and we are _not_ in a forest anymore.

We were… in a shrine? Were we in that tiny shrine?! Did Itachi _shrink us_?!

I'm looking around and gaping and my mind was officially blown. The hell just happened?

Sasuke bound up not even questioning it and I staggered to my feet.

"Come on Chi-chan." Itachi said and his shoulders are shaking he's trying so hard not to laugh. I think I've been pranked. Actually, no, I _know_ I've been pranked.

"Just you wait Ita-nii, just you wait." I grumble but we're hustled out of the room quickly by a still-sniggering Itachi.

I only processed why we were being hurried once we were _out_ of the room. We'd been walking on polished wood with _shoes_ on.

It was one of those _things_ that just wasn't done. You didn't wear shoes indoors and you _certainly_ didn't wear shoes on polished wood. I shuddered and hoped that Kaa-san would never find out. She'd have my hide.

We step out of the room and into… a weapons storage unit? What? There were shurikin and kunai displayed on the wall and swords of all types and lengths and there were some massively oversized weapons too.

I gave up trying to understand. Japanese cartoon gotta remember that. Logic does not exist in most circumstances. Like this… this… I have no words for this.

An old lady walks in and she smiles when she sees us.

"Oh, if it isn't little Fugaku's kittens!" She says and her voice is rough with age. Her face is lined and there's a cat-ear headband on her head keeping her messy grey hair out of her face. And she has a black nose. A legitimate black cat-like nose. She's half-cat. The _fuck_?!

Also, _little_ Fugaku? If my mind wasn't already collapsing at the thought of cat-people and potentially being shrunk down into a shrine, it was certainly collapsing at someone calling Tou-san _little_. Tou-san wasn't the _biggest_ guy around but he wasn't a midget either. He also had this air of authority about him that sometimes made him seem ten feet tall.

"Hello Neko-baa. We're here to get some of your steel ore please." Itachi says with a polite bow and I'm too busy staring at the _cat nose_. Sasuke's staring too so I wasn't the only one being rude.

A flood of cats slip into the room as Itachi and Neko-baa talk price. One walks up to me and sits. It stares at me. I stare back. It's a cute thing. Tiny with no tail and stubby legs. I sit and reach out to pet it.

It butts its head into my hand and it was _adorable_. I wonder if Tou-san was opposed to me taking home a new pet.

There was a yeowl and I look over to see that Sasuke the brat has a black cat by the tail and is very much refusing to let go.

"Sasuke-" Itachi says in warning but it was too late. The very pissed off cat hisses, turns, and then tries to claw Sasuke's face off.

That causes the idiot to let go of the tail. The cat runs off and Sasuke's left wailing. Kid you had that coming.

But since Itachi was in the middle of haggling, it fell to me to make sure Sasuke stopped wailing. Itachi was _so_ lucky that I wasn't an average five year old. An average five year old would either point and laugh or burst out crying too.

I abandoned the cute cat to comfort my idiot brother. The cat followed. Now I've _got_ to take it home with me.

"There, there Sasu-nii." I say sympathetic as I can. Sasuke sniffles and awwww that was adorable. "You'll beat that cat next time."

"Un." Sasuke snuffles but he stops crying. Now he's gone from nuisance to adorable. All in the span of three seconds. My brother ladies and gentlemen. The adorable idiot. Seriously, the kid could nearly brain himself trying taijutsu moves and not even tear up but wail at cat scratches? Priorities brother mine, priorities. Well, you _could_ say that he's got his priorities straight in a sense…

Itachi ends the haggling and Neko-baa goes to fetch the goods.

"You alright Sasuke?" Itachi asks fond now that the tears were over. Sasuke nods previous pain forgotten.

"Ne, ne, Nii-san! Can you show us kenjutsu?" He asks pointing at a random sword on the wall. Kenjutsu, sword techniques. Itachi… didn't use a sword. He didn't _have_ one. Kaa-san did and she took it out for a few katas every now and again as well as general maintenance. But not Itachi. Sasuke probably looked at Kaa-san, seen the sword, and then looked at Genius Itachi and decided that Itachi knew how to use a sword too. Standard five-year-old reasoning.

The cute little cat butted against my leg and I sat down again to pet it. Cute little thing. I scratched it under the chin while Itachi tried to get out of his little predicament.

"It's not nice to touch other people's things without permission Sasuke. Maybe another time." Itachi says. Smooth. Since I was a nice sister, I add in my own two cents.

"Ita-nii, what's that one called?" I ask and point to the first thing I didn't recognize on the wall. It looked like a set of Wolverine claws. Itachi looks.

"That's the Tekko-Kagi Chi-chan. Don't touch it, they're usually poisoned." Itachi says and launches into a quick explanation about what the Tekko-kagi was, how it was best used and about how he'd met a Konoha ninja once that had thrown them. Note, they weren't meant as throwing weapons, apparently that particular ninja was just… eccentric.

Sasuke is thoroughly distracted from Itachi's non-existent kenjutsu skills. Going by Itachi's eyeing of a sword on the wall though, those skills were going to suddenly poof into existence. Genius that he is.

Sasuke scampered off to inspect the shiny weapons and I smirk at Itachi.

"I promise not to tell Sasu-nii that you can't use a sword if you give me half of your dessert tonight." I bargain and Itachi looks at me a pout forming. Itachi had a _sweet tooth_. I grin. "Going once, going twice…"

"Alright, alright." Itachi huffs in defeat and I beam. Ah blackmail and payback all rolled into one. Life was good. Then Itachi's hand darts out and he pokes me right in the forehead.

"Hey!" I yelp and slap my palm over the spot and Itachi smirks at me like he'd scored a point. And he wasn't wrong. I eye him up and wonder if I could sneak food coloring into his shampoo.

Before we could do anything else, there's a crash and a clang and Itachi's immediately scooping me up and moving.

"Sasuke!" He calls urgent and worried. We round a stack of boxes and see Sasuke edging away from a knocked-over stand of various spears. "Did any of them get you?"

"No." Sasuke says sheepishly and Itachi puts me down.

"Are you sure? Some of them could be poisoned." Itachi says all worried patting Sasuke down and I nudge one of the halberds with my shoe. There's probably a proper name for it but I didn't know what it was. Things like spears, halberds and other shafted weapons weren't exactly a ninja standard.

Didn't _look_ poisoned. Itachi seemed to have eyes on the back of his head because he pulled me back from the pile of fallen weapons.

"Don't touch it Chi-chan." He sighed and I huffed.

"I wasn't _going_ to." I grumble because I was _not_ that stupid. Sasuke was apparently pronounced fine so that's a good thing.

We both get lectured about the dangers of touching random weapons as Itachi sets the stand back up. I'd have helped but when I tried Itachi went all mama-bear and sent me to stand with Sasuke.

Because of all the ruckus we're causing, Neko-baa the _literal_ cat lady comes looking for us instead of just calling. She seems relieved that we're doing fine.

She shows us the small mountain of ore and Itachi hands over his entire money pouch. Then she leaves so we can 'pack it up'. I stare at the mountain and wonder how the hell we're lugging this through a forest to get back home.

Sasuke seems determined to lug it going by how he's hyping himself up and doing stretches. Cute. Also, not happening.

Itachi takes out a scroll from his pack and unrolls it. There's that ink again. I can see the full picture this time and it's a circle with spokes radiating outwards from it. It's all kanji and they're not _actually_ linked now that I take a closer look. Just really close together.

Itachi arranges as much of the ore pieces that can fit onto the diagram. He doesn't just fill up the empty circle, but also all the space the radiating spokes take up too. Finally he puts his hand on the mound, forms the half-ram seal. It's not actually one of the twelve but it's the one that's first taught to concentrate chakra. Over time most ninjas could simply use just one hand to form the seal when concentrating large amounts of chakra. I still had to use two hands though. One-handed made my chakra go… wonky.

"Seal." Itachi said and… and the mound of ore disappeared in a puff of smoke. I spluttered and Sasuke gaped. There's a new kanji filling up the space of the diagram and it's huge compared to the rest of the scribbles. I couldn't read it but I'm betting it meant 'sealed' or 'occupied' or something. The hell?

"That was so cool! Nii-san! What ninjutsu was that?" Sasuke asked with stars in his eyes. Itachi smiled and unrolled more of the scroll showing another blank kanji diagram… thing.

"It's not ninjutsu but fuinjutsu." Itachi says and I stare at the scribbles.

"Pictures makes stuff go poof?" I ask numbly and yep my brain is fried. How the hell was this even supposed to be possible? Pocket dimension? Bottomless sack? I am so confused. Itachi chuckles like I'd said something adorably stupid. Probably had.

"Not pictures, fuinjutsu." Itachi corrects highly amused and starts stacking the next batch. Sasuke is leaning forwards eagerly and once Itachi's done, he actually shuffles to the side. "Want to try Sasuke?"

"Yes!" Sasuke says and had to be quickly saved from diving head first into Itachi's hard work.

"Alright, here's how you do it." Itachi says and puts Sasuke's hand on top of the mound. "You push your chakra down into all of the ore and then onto the paper. You should feel the seal activating when your chakra touches it."

Sasuke nods eagerly and glowers at his hand. He's probably using way too much chakra because his hand is glowing with the overabundance of it but Itachi doesn't correct him.

"Seal!" Sasuke says in full confidence and… it works. The pile of steel ore vanishes into a puff of smoke.

"Chi-chan, do you want a go?" Itachi offers even as he unrolls more of the scroll and I nod eagerly. Heck yes. Maybe then I'll figure out what the hell is happening.

Sasuke helps Itachi stack up the ore and I do what Sasuke did and put my hand on top of the small mound.

I push the chakra out from my hand and downwards. It slides into the ore and coats it. It's… strange, there should be a bit more effort involved but my chakra feels like water slipping over smooth rocks. It doesn't take long for the chakra to reach the seal and there's a _tug_. Like my chakra has suddenly stuck to Velcro.

"Seal!" I say and there's a jerk of chakra and in a puff of smoke, everything's gone. I stare in amazement. Woah. I inspect the paper and the _paper_ is saturated with my chakra now but there's no sign of the mound of ore. I resist the urge to lift up the scroll and peer underneath it.

It's official. I gotta look into this whole 'fuinjutsu' thing. As fast as possible because it was all kinds of mind-bendingly cool.

Things go much faster after that. Itachi rolls the entire scroll out and we ship mounds of ore from the large pile to the seals. Then we get to seal them in. It's actually something of a chore but because it was _new_ it was fun. Like the first time Kaa-san let us help with the dishes. We all _knew_ we were being suckered into something but because she made it seem important and she'd stressed how _great_ we were to help her out, we did it with a smile. Well, Sasuke did. He hadn't realized that we were being suckered.

We packed it all up and then Itachi got us home. Via weird shrine-thing. It was probably fuinjutsu and I'm guessing that 'reverse summoning' was some kind of portal or teleportation. Yeah, _gotta_ learn that.

We end up back in the forest and I just _know_ I'm never going to forget what went down today. It's just… talk about having your mind blown.

"Yo, slowpokes." It's Shisui. He's standing there relaxed as could be in full uniform. Or, well what ever Uchiha would recognize as a 'ninja uniform' anyway. We knew how to spot the ninja because the majority of our clansmen were ninja.

It had been shocking to find out that… well, that not everybody could do that. Not everyone could look at a group of people and pick out the ninjas. It had been an exercise at the academy, we were given pictures of various people and told to point out the ones we thought were ninja. I'd thought it was rather obvious and Sasuke too evidently because we got them all right. We'd been the only ones to do that well.

Even the Hyuuga girl had problems. I'd thought it was weird until I _really_ took a look at the population on the way home. Then I got it. The civilians liked to follow trendy 'ninja' fashion and the ninjas followed civilian fashion to blend in. They sort of fed off each other and tried to mimic each other. But honestly, the thigh holsters weren't _that_ hard to spot. Or, you know, the _headbands_.

"Shisui-san, you're back early." Itachi says and he's pleased about that. There's a happy smile on his face and I'm glad for that.

"Of course!" Shisui says with a grin and peers into Itachi's pack "Is that Mikoto-sama's karrage I smell?"

"I believe so yes. Would you like to join us for lunch?" Itachi says rather fondly and Shisui beams.

"I know just the place, found it last week, it'll give you a hell of a view in a few hours." He says all bouncy and excited and Sasuke's eyes are glittering at the thought of _hours and hours_ of uninterrupted Itachi-time. I'm excited too to be honest. If this went well and they didn't just ditch us three minutes in for some mission, I might consider letting Itachi have his dessert back tonight.

"Nii-san, pleaseeeee." Sasuke says giving Itachi a full blast of his best set of puppy eyes and I do the same.

"Pleaseeee." I say even though we _all_ know that Itachi's already sold on the idea.

"Okay, okay, lead the way Shisui-san." Itachi says easily and Sasuke eyes Shisui and then Itachi.

"Why do you call him _san_? All the friends at school call each other _kun_ , or chan." Sasuke says but wrinkles his nose at that last one. I'd just written it down as a quirk of Itachi's. He was just like that. He added 'sama' to our parents' names too although it was _perfectly_ fine to just say 'Tou-san' and 'Kaa-san' like Sasuke and I.

"Because Shisui-san is my senior and it's polite to-" Itachi began but he's cut off when Shisui slings an arm around his neck with a grin.

"The kid's right Itachi- _chan_. Or aren't we friends?" He says with a grin that stretches across his whole face and Itachi looks downright disturbed at being called chan. "From now on, feel free to call me Shisui-kun, or Shisui-sama, how about-"

Itachi shoves his elbow into Shisui's gut. Sasuke and I are laughing so hard we've doubled over at this point and Shisui dramatically falls to the ground.

"Betrayal!" Shisui moans.

"Please get up _Shusui-san_. If you don't, we will eat lunch without you." Itachi says thoroughly embarrassed and we're all laughing at his plight at this point. Sorry bro, but it's _funny_. Shisui gets up and dusts himself off.

"I'm up, I'm up." Shisui says holding up his hands "Follow me."

He's nice and he walks. We all go with him in a kind of messy group. Sasuke's peering around in interest and I go running off towards a patch of mushrooms before Itachi snags me back.

"No more poisonous mushrooms Chi-chan." He says very amused and I mournfully look at the patch of mushrooms. They're _red_. With white spots. The generic cartoon mushroom that looks so _ridiculous_ that I kind of want one.

"Are you _sure_ they're poisonous?" I try hopefully but Itachi just hauls me off with a shake of his head. Guess he was sure then. Damn. I eye the patch and try to memorize the location. I'll be back.

"No coming back for them Chi-chan." Itachi says and I peek up. He arches an eyebrow and I wilt. Guess I won't be back.

"Fineeee." I sigh and sag letting Itachi take my entire weight. He huffs a little laugh and then props me back onto my feet to keep walking.

Turns out, Shisui's idea of a 'good place' was the base of a really big tree with massive roots that jut out of the ground. I eye the roots and wonder how the hell we're going to set up a picnic here. The ground was uncomfortable to _stand_ on let alone sit.

"Alright pretty lady, your ride awaits." Shisui says with a wink and crouches down in front of me obviously offering a piggy back. Then he gets the wind knocked out of him when Itachi firmly plants _Sasuke_ onto his back.

"I don't think so." Itachi says firmly giving Shisui the stink eye. Sasuke cheers at the ride, Shisui laughs, and I'm laughing too.

"Awww don't worry Itachi- _chan_ I promise to take-" He didn't get much further because Itachi's literally booted him up the trunk of the tree. I'm laughing so hard at this point that I'm in stiches.

"Do you want a ride Chi-chan?" Itachi asks with a smile like he hadn't just kicked his friend three feet into the air. Sasuke's having the time of his life. I hop onto Itachi's back giggling.

Itachi carries me up the tree even though I could have walked it myself but we weren't supposed to let Sasuke know that. Plus, it was fun to get a ride as we dash up the tree and I whoop as the wind goes through my hair whipping it back. Itachi does a few extra leaps and jumps for me before we settle on the thick branch that Shisui's chosen.

It's not _quite_ wide enough to sit us all in a circle so we squish a little. Shisui is further out on the branch and I'm put next to Itachi right up against the trunk of the tree. Sasuke is secured in Itachi's lap so he won't squirm and fall. I'm apparently trusted not to go falling to my death. That and since I _can_ stick to things with chakra, I'm probably deemed skilled enough not to tumble off by accident.

Since Itachi's hands are full with a happy Sasuke, Shisui spreads out lunch.

Kaa-san's really out-done herself and there's more than enough to go around. I kind of wonder if they planned this whole thing together. Eh. Maybe it was another one of those mile-stone things that popped up every now and again. Like first set of training weapons, first lost tooth, first Grand Fire Ball. See? First ninja cat visit. Fit right in.

We eat, we laugh, Itachi tries to kick Shisui off the tree for all his teasing, and… it's just genuinely a good time.

Then when the hours have passed and all the food has been eaten, Shisui proves himself right.

The sun begins to set and after Shisui cuts down some of the branches that are in the way, we get treated to a magnificent view.

The sky lights up all orange and red. The lights of the village begin to flicker on and the shadows make the Hokage mountain crisp and clear.

It's beautiful. There's rooves peeking out over the tops of the trees and a tall building that juts out here and there. I stare at it and _Konoha_ the village hidden in the leaves suddenly make sense.

We watch the show and when the last bits of the sun vanishes, we go home. By Shunshin.

It had been a great day.

But, by the next day, the old schedule was back and Itachi was vanishing off to do another mission.

That trip to the ninja cats lasted Sasuke a good week before he started getting ready to riot again.

"But Nii-san! You promised!" Sasuke huffed and I was pouting too. He'd promised another slight of hand kunai trick if I could nail a kunai to a bullseye by the ringed handle with _another kunai_. I'd managed it and I wanted to _show_ him.

"Forgive me you two. Maybe next time." Itachi says and mentions us closer with a smile. We trot over and then promptly get poked in the forehead.

"Hey!" I whine because, _again_? And Sasuke just rubs at his head confused. But Itachi was out the door already and I huff. "I'mma get him."

"What was _that_ about?" Sasuke asks and I groan.

"I think Ita-nii's taking revenge. I called him wrinkly _once_ and he still won't let it go." I complain and Sasuke stares.

"You called Nii-san _wrinkly_?" He asks snickering and I shrugged.

"He was doing Tou-san's frowny face!" I huff and do my best rendition of it. Sasuke laughs at me. "Eh, he'll get over being called wrinkly."

I was wrong. He did _not_ get over it. In fact, he kept _doing it_ and I have absolutely no clue _why_.

Until he gets one mission that he won't talk about and Kaa-san must know something because she's fussing all over him before he leaves. Sasuke and I hover because we know it's _not good_ but we're not going to ask because they'll never tell us.

"I'll see you two later, Sasuke, Chi-chan." Itachi says with a smile and he prods us both in our forehead.

I get it then. I get it because Uchiha Itachi sucked at human interaction and this was the best he could come up with. This was… this was his version of a hug. This was his version of 'I'm sorry I'm not here'. This was his version of saying 'it's all going to be okay' without actually voicing it.

There's definitely a lump in my throat after Itachi runs off. And to think it all started because I'd called him _wrinkly_. It's something so small and utterly insignificant and kind of ridiculous. I look over to Sasuke and he's got a hand to his forehead and staring out the door. He's smiling.

Small and ridiculous but not insignificant. It meant a hell of a lot.

When Itachi got back from that mission, there's a heaviness to his shoulders and we don't ask. We just let him off and don't pester him for the rest of the day so he can get some decent sleep in. The next morning, we wake him up at the crack of dawn. To show off the kunai tricks that we'd learned.

Sasuke had gotten down what I liked to call the 'curve ball' to an art and I smugly pinned my kunai to the bullseye.

It's a lazy day by our standards. Tou-san and Kaa-san were away for the day and night. Doing visits I expect. They had certain duties as the Clan Head and wife after all. It wasn't anything unusual and so we didn't kick up a ruckus like the _first_ time it happened. We even finished our homework.

Sasuke loved having Itachi train with us and I loved it too. There was always a sort of stern no-nonsense air when Tou-san trained us. Kaa-san's training sessions were basically goof off and die. With Itachi, training almost became _play_. It was fun. And we got to goof off a little, show off, laugh, do stupid tricks like trying to hit one kunai out of the air with another.

When the sun set though, we wind up on the porch feeding the koi. We'd been given strict instructions by Tou-san to remember to feed his koi. Like we'd forget.

We're sitting there as the sun sets and Itachi suddenly asks us a question.

"Do you two know how the Uchiha clan came to be?" He asks and both Sasuke and I stop. Sasuke stops feeding the fish and I stop teasing them with my toes. They were funny when they tried to nip at you.

"We haven't really learned that yet." Sasuke admits slightly sheepish.

"Kaa-san mentioned something about a sage something?" I ask and then wince "Please don't tell Kaa-san."

Itachi chuckles.

"The Uchiha crest is the symbol and proof of our prestigious clan." Itachi says and I struggle over the word for a little bit before it clicks. Sasuke struggles too. We stare a little blankly and Itachi smiles. "You need wind to create a fire right? You produce wind with a fan."

"And that's… a great thing?" Sasuke asks rather skeptically and I didn't blame the kid. It didn't sound all that great to me either. Handy, but not anything amazing. Itachi smiles at us.

"Well, you'll understand in time." He says full of confidence. I stare at the fan and remember when I thought it looked like a table-tennis racket. I don't share his confidence.

"Does Nii-san fight for the sake of the clan?" Sasuke asks and I get why he asks. We're covering the whole patriotic 'fight for the sake of the village' thing in the academy right now. Gotta start them young eh?

Itachi doesn't actually look at us. It's like he's hiding.

"I wonder." Itachi says and it's almost a whisper "I'm not quite sure yet."

He doesn't look at us. Doesn't meet our eyes.

In a clan with fancy glowing red eyes, eye contact meant a lot. Also in a clan where most members had faces of rocks, eyes meant a lot. You want to know what an Uchiha is _really_ feeling, look for the eyes. It's why I've never actually been all that afraid even with people cursing at me while running me down. They were _annoyed_ but not, you know, furious. It's all in the eyes.

The moment of seriousness breaks when Sasuke's stomach rumbles and I giggle.

"Sasu-nii needs to be fed!" I say laughing and Itachi chuckles too.

"Alright, I'm showing off my skills tonight." He says with a smile. He doesn't lie either because two hours later the table is _full_. There's even sashimi. Kaa-san was going to _murder_ him if she ever found out.

"Ita-nii." I say blandly when he puts the latest dish on the table "Are you inviting over the rest of the Clan?"

Itachi looks at the table and Sasuke giggles a bit.

"Maybe I went a _little_ overboard." Itachi says ruefully and Sasuke laughs.

"Just a little." He says and we dig in.

We actually manage to finish it all amazing as that was. I didn't want to move afterwards though. Food coma.

"Sasuke, Chi-chan. How about we sleep outside tonight?" Itachi offers dumping his futon on the porch and Sasuke bounds up.

"Cool!" He says and races up the stairs to get his own futon.

"Don't rush! You'll-" Itachi calls but there's a thud.

"Ow."

I giggle and Itachi looks at me.

"What about you Chi-chan?" He offers and I roll over to latch onto Itachi's futon.

"This is mine now. I can't move. You fed me too much. I'll get fat." I say and wriggle myself into the still-folded futon and Itachi chuckles.

"Alright Chi-chan, how about we all share?" He suggests and I'm on board with that plan. It wouldn't be the first time we've sprawled all over Itachi and it certainly won't be the last.

"Agreed." I say immediately and roll out of the way so that Itachi can spread out the futon properly.

We end up shoving Itachi in the middle so he can become our shared cuddle-pillow. Itachi goes along with it without protest and that's how we fall asleep.

We get woken up by Itachi trying to escape. I grab a handful of his shirt and Sasuke's somehow migrated during the night to be _upside down_ grabs an ankle.

"No mission. Mission bad." I grumble and cling on tighter.

"Really bad." Sasuke grumbles agreeing with me "Sleep better."

Itachi detaches us and we glower at him. He smiles.

"How about this, I'll give you a mission too. Think you're up for it?" He asks and oh _that_ kicked Sasuke into gear. Very heavy handed to be sure but hey, we'd turned six not a month ago. No need to be subtle. Just point to something shiny.

"Really?! Nii-san's giving us a mission?!" Sasuke asked bouncing up and down.

"Yes. I want you to get the paw-print of Momo." Itachi said solemnly and I gaped. Momo was a cat owned by Reika-baa-san. She was like the crazy cat lady around here. Momo had a reputation for not only scratching people's faces off but being the fastest cat around. Setting that on a pair of six-year-olds was just cruel.

"Alright! We'll do it! Come on Chi-chan! Let's go find Momo!" Sasuke said immediately heading towards the door. I followed but not before I shot Itachi a mock-betrayed look. How could he do this to me? Itachi smiled and waved us out. It was the Uchiha version of laughing manically as I was bodily hauled out the door by the bundle of energy that was Sasuke. Lovely.

At least from all that food the night before we didn't need breakfast. But still, _Momo_. That is cruel Itachi. Cruel indeed.

Turns out, I was right about Momo being a vicious creature. Momo also didn't like ink on her paws. When Momo didn't like something, she used her claws. Her claws were _sharp_.

"Good heavens! What happened to you?!" Kaa-san gasped shocked as we stood at the door covered in scratches. Some of them were even bleeding. Still, Sasuke triumphantly held up the slightly-rumpled page with Momo's paw-print on it and grinned.

"Mission complete!" He said happily and Kaa-san shot us a bewildered look before hustling everyone inside to get washed up and bandaged up.

We missed Itachi's homecoming that night but Sasuke nearly tackled him in the morning. Since I spotted _eyebags_ on my oldest brother, I snagged Sasuke back just in time. Itachi was developing eyebags. Dark panda circles. He was _eleven_ damn it.

"Shhh. Ita-nii's sleeping." I whispered.

"Fine." Sasuke pouted "We'll show him at dinner."

Sasuke goes out and I see Itachi peeking at us from his bundle of blankets. I wave and gently slide the door shut. Poor guy needed all the rest he could _get_.

We did show him at dinner and got ample praise from Itachi. Sasuke was beaming eager for the next 'mission' and Tou-san looked slightly strained. I wondered if shaving all the cats bald in the Uchiha Compound would be worth Reika-baa-san's wrath. Probably was worth it.

I decided to do it. So the next day, I kitted up. Oven mitts were swiped from the kitchen as well as tuna as a bribe. I made a slip-collar out of the ninja wire that I had and was ready to face the cats. Oh, and a kunai to do the actual shaving with. Couldn't forget that.

The cats were _not_ happy to see me.

"MEROWWWWW?!" A ginger cat yowled as I cackled and shaved clumps off of her back with the semi-sharp kunai. It was trapped and not going anywhere. Hah.

"Chiyomi! What are you doing?!" Reika-baa-san shouted running towards me looking slightly horrified at her traumatized cats.

"Improving the cats Reika-baa-san." I said holding up Hanae to show off her newest bald patch.

"Unhand Hanae right now!" Reika-baa-san commanded and I pouted letting the cat run away. "Just wait until your parents hear about this young lady!"

My parents did hear about it.

"Chiyomi. Why did you shave Reika-san's cats today?" Kaa-san asked mostly amused. I shrugged.

"I thought it would be fun." I said in my defense. Kaa-san didn't look impressed.

"You're grounded." She told me firmly and I huffed.

"Fine. But I still say that Shichi looks good with that mane." I responded. Kaa-san looked like she was fighting back laughter because Uchiha didn't laugh at fellow Uchiha's plight.

"Chiyomi." Tou-san said sternly over dinner "Would you like to tell me why I endured a two hour meeting with Reika-san today about you shaving her cats?"

"I was honestly trying to improve them." I said and Tou-san didn't look like he believed me.

"You're grounded." He said sternly.

"Kaa-san already grounded me." I said sweetly.

"Consider yourself double-grounded." Tou-san said without missing a beat and taking a bite of fish. I pouted but accepted the double-grounding. Wasn't like that never happened before.

Itachi still kept sending us out after cats. We succeeded. With scratches to show for it but we succeeded. Kaa-san was becoming a little exasperated at how much antiseptic cream we went through I think. I tried to be extra nice for a week after each cat-incident. Mainly because I had a feeling that if we weren't nice we would be getting lemon juice and not antiseptic cream for our wounds.

By the end of our first year at the academy the teachers were singing our praises and about half the class had dropped out because of the workload. I was slightly surprised. Sure, the physical portion was slightly taxing but surely the book-work wasn't that bad? Then again, us Clan kids already knew more than half the material and the civilian kids were going in blind. Yeah, the ninja world was unfair like that.

With the end of the school year came the holidays and the Uchiha clan were reminded as to who had _lots_ of free time again.

Sitting in a tree and snickering at all the people running around in mis-matched shoes, I do have to say I loved the holidays. I'd made a great effort to steal at least one shoe from each pair and stash them all around the Uchiha Compound like a treasure hunt.

I wondered how long it would take for them to find the ones strung up in the trees.

I wasn't grounded for it either. They had no proof it was _me_.

Over the holidays, Sasuke trained, I pranked the Uchiha to kingdom come, and Itachi became absent more often than not. He hadn't stopped sending us after cats though. It sort of became our little game. He'd go on a mission and assign _us_ a mission too. Sasuke loved it and I did too. It was fun, it caused all sorts of chaos, and it was like we were doing it _with_ Itachi. So we kept at it.

After we ran out of cats to paw-print in the Uchiha compound, Itachi started sending us to Neko-baa's place to terrorize _her_ cats. It was great fun and an extra challenge. These were ninja cats and there was always some pride in being able to catch one and wrangle it.

By our second year the three classes that we had started the academy with had shrank into two. It was sort of obvious how they organized the classes. The clan kids were all in one class. There was only _one_ civilian born kid. There were however a few 'career' kids. Careers were kids who's parents were ninjas but weren't part of any established ninja clan. Then there were the 'halfies' who had one ninja parent and one civilian. Ninja slang, not very inventive.

Most ninja-civilian mixed families were low-ranking ninja though. Life-long genin or chuunin that stayed as far away from the field as humanely possible. I'd never call them pseudo-civilians because they _weren't_. They were ninja. They just stayed out of the field and so their lifestyles were more civilian-friendly.

Still, there had obviously been some sort of baby boom because in my class there was us Uchiha, the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, the Inuzuka, Aburame and even the Hyuuga. The only major clan kid missing was the Sarutobi. It was quite the full class. All clan heirs too. Even without the heirs the class would have been politically charged. _With_ the heirs it was probably the most closely scrutinized class in the entire academy. We were quite literally acting out how our clans would interact with each other in another twenty years. We were all told to play nice and make friends.

Even the Hyuuga. Uchiha and Hyuuga didn't… exactly get along. Since both clans were famed for their eyes, they were constantly trying to out-do each other. There wasn't any _overt_ animosity, it was… kind of like a snobbish rivalry.

The Uchiha were currently winning because of Itachi and Shisui. There were whispers of a Hyuuga genius going around though. The Uchiha clan as a whole weren't too worried. We had _two_. So… beat that?

But because we're both _noble_ clans it meant that we couldn't overtly trash talk each other across the street. Oh no, we had to try and _out polite_ each other across the street.

The rivalry between the other clans weren't nearly as intense. But Kaa-san had made _sure_ I knew that I was not to mess with any of the heirs for shits and giggles regardless. That would be _rude_ after all and totally ruin the whole 'aloof-asshole' aesthetic we Uchiha had going. She needn't have worried, I never messed with the kids in the academy. We already had a class clown within the first _day_.

One Uzumaki Naruto. Who's name sounded ridiculously familiar and that _orange_ he insisted on wearing day in and day out got grating _fast_.

He'd perked my interest when we'd all done the class introduction thing. Not because he yelled loudly, we had plenty of loud kids, and not because he wanted to be Hokage, we had five other potential-Hokage before him. Being Hokage was kind of _the_ dream to have as a kid. No, what stood out about him wasn't even the orange initially, it was that within five seconds of introducing himself, he pelted our chuunin teacher with smoke bombs.

Sasuke seemed mildly horrified when I pointed and laughed. Then he nudged me sharply.

"Kaa-san will kill you." He hissed in my ear when Naruto was yelled at and told to sit his ass down. I pouted. Kaa-san _would_ kill me.

Naruto's introduction was the most memorable but the fainting Hyuuga came a close second. Yeah, that Hyuuga girl from my first year made it into this class too. Her grades weren't bad I don't think and she did as well as me in the whole 'kunoichi class' thing that was now becoming something of a compulsory-elective for the girls. She was just… painfully shy. And apparently so terrified of public speaking that she swayed and crumpled to the ground mid-introduction.

My appreciation for a fellow prankster didn't last long.

It wasn't that he was obnoxious, it wasn't that he had _major_ issues with authority, it wasn't even the pranks. It's just… something about his arrogance and general demeanor rubbed me the wrong way. He just… didn't take it seriously. Not the academy, not being a ninja, none of it.

Intellectually I knew that it wasn't his fault. He was _six_. He was _supposed_ to goof off, to consider school a chore. He wasn't _supposed_ to be like me and listen to everything the teacher said and take meticulous notes. Sasuke didn't even do that and he was still topping the class.

Kids are supposed to be selfish, they're supposed to be inconsiderate little shits until they grew out of it. I _knew_ that but Naruto's particular brand of it just… it just pushed all of my buttons.

He's the type of kid that seemed to think the world revolved around them. Not out of being spoilt or anything but just… _me me me me me_. It was… annoying.

I felt bad about it, which was why I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't _his fault_. I knew that but as the class descended into chaos for the _fifth time_ in three days I wanted to brain the idiot with my textbook. We were covering poisons and it was _important_. The textbook could only teach you so much and there was so many things to be learned from sheer experience. Experience that our teacher was trying to impart to us and the orange _idiot_ was throwing paint balloons.

If it'd been during the last few seconds of class or even during break I would have laughed my ass off. But this was not the time nor the place to be pulling pranks and hell, even I knew that.

But he was a _child_ and he didn't know better. So I gritted my teeth and tried to spell out the name of the poison all on my own while Naruto got scolded into sulking submission.

Naruto wasn't just loud, he was _disruptive_ and while I got that the classroom wasn't exactly the most exciting thing in the world, a little consideration for the rest of us would have been nice.

I kept my mouth shut for _months_ and I tried to see where this kid was coming from. I could… sort of see it. He didn't have any noticeable guardians, he had causal friends at best, and he was just a sort of lonely kid who didn't have anyone in his corner. It explained most of his behavior.

Sympathy only went so far though. The kid still annoyed the hell out of me.

I made an effort to avoid Naruto, just because I didn't have the patience of a saint and I _would_ snap.

Luckily for me, Itachi chose about then to be completely _stupid_ and send us after a _lion_.

I kid you not, a _lion_. Apparently, we'd run out of normal cats. And he hadn't even _told us_ that it was a lion. He'd just pointed at the training grounds, said there was a big cat in it, and waved us off.

"That is not a cat!" I shout in frustration as we sprint _away_ from the pissed off creature. Sasuke had went and grabbed onto its tail. Of course he had. And now it was mad. I was shaving _Itachi_ bald.

"Lions are cats!" Sasuke reminds me as we scramble up a tree. The lion comes right after us.

I shriek, break off a decently sized branch and peg it in the nose. The cat falls off the tree. Sasuke grabs his own branch and I groan.

"I want to go home. Go home and shave Ita-nii _bald_." I complain but Sasuke's already jumping out of the tree after the lion. Great.

We get the paw print in the end. So… success?

Kaa-san was exasperated and got us all cleaned up. Itachi had already left for his mission and that meant I couldn't shave him bald. I settled on rigging up a prank for when he got back.

I used an entire bottle of green food coloring and a sponge. I'd drip the food coloring into it, put it out to dry, and then repeat the process.

By the time Itachi got back a week later, the sponge was ready. I fitted it into the shower head in the middle of the night.

Itachi always took the first shower in the mornings if it wasn't that strenuous of a mission. Since it was another one of his 'show off' missions again, I deemed it safe.

I was right when Itachi came down for breakfast looking mint green in places.

Sasuke _stared_. Kaa-san dropped her spatula and even _Tou-san_ gaped. Itachi sighed.

"Chi-chan." He grumbled trying to remain dignified. I grinned.

"Yes Ita-nii?" I ask and Itachi sits at the table in defeat.

"If I promise not to send you after any more big cats without telling you first, will you let me off?" He asks amused but a little disgruntled. I beamed.

"Gimme half of your dessert today." I bargain shamelessly milking this and Itachi readily surrenders his sweets.

"Done."

The shock's worn off by now and Sasuke's suddenly rolling around on the ground laughing. Kaa-san giggles and goes back to breakfast. Tou-san sighs a very _heavy_ sigh and seems to be trying to erase the past few moments from his memory.

The memory of Itachi eating breakfast while being a splotchy mint green would stay with me for the rest of my life I was pretty sure. Kaa-san managed to get him all clean before he was let out of the house. Wouldn't do to ruin the image of the clan genius for _everyone else_.

Too bad it didn't happen. Within the week the story of how I'd turned the lorded genius of the Uchiha clan _literally green_ was the most talked about thing in the clan.

Tou-san grounded me just to save face. I had absolutely zero regrets because I was now officially legendary. It was my crowning achievement really.

It became so famous that Shisui upon returning from a month-long mission heard about it almost as soon as he got home. He of course being a good friend of Itachi's hunted me down immediately.

He was just in luck because Itachi had been home too when Shisui appeared on our koi pond.

No. Really. On the koi pond. He'd pulled a Jesus and was walking on water.

The first time I'd seen Itachi do that I'd shrieked and tried to do it too. It didn't work out so well. I was slowly figuring it out on my own though. I couldn't _stand_ but I could make my feet stick to the surface of the water without getting wet. It was a work in progress.

"Yo, so what's this I hear about Itachi getting turned green?" Shisui asked by way of greeting and Itachi outright _groaned_. I rolled over laughing and even Sasuke was snickering as he threw his last kunai at the target.

"How did _you_ hear about that?" Itachi asked exasperated and Sasuke quickly collected his thrown kunai.

"Word gets around. So it actually happened?" Shisui asked a grin spreading over his face. I nod.

"Yeah, I'm the pranking _queen_." I say with pride and Itachi huffs but doesn't disagree. Shisui laughs.

"So you got one pulled over you Itachi!" He says gleefully and Itachi glowers.

"He was all _splotchy_." Sasuke whispers to Shisui who sniggers. Itachi grumbles. Yeah, his shiny 'untouchable genius' status was well and truly shattered. Since he actually seems _happier_ now, I'd say that Itachi's not mad. Maybe it lifted a load off his shoulders.

Maybe he'd been trying to live up to _our_ expectations of him as much as we'd been trying to impress him.

Huh.

Never really thought of it _that_ way before.

Shisui found the whole thing so funny that for Itachi's twelfth birthday, he got him a piece of mint-green jade.

"Shisui-san." Itachi grit out irritation written all over his face when he unwrapped his present. I peeked over his shoulder and promptly started laughing.

It wasn't _good_ jade. The color wasn't that rich almost-emerald green, the stone was completely opaque, and it wasn't polished until it shined. It was in short, a tourist-trap trinket. The stone wasn't all that big either. Barely bigger than a fingernail and made into a pendant attached to cheap leather.

The point wasn't the stone. The point was the color. How the hell Shisui found that _exact color_ I'll never know but it was hilarious.

"Looks like Chi-chan was right! Green is your color!" Shisui says snickering and Sasuke was doubled over in giggles.

"You should wear it Nii-san." Sasuke says with a giant grin on his face. I was so proud of him.

"I think not." Itachi grumbles but Shisui slings an arm around his shoulders.

"Ah come on Itachi! Be polite! Appreciate the present that your best friend gave you!" He says snickering and tries to force the necklace over Itachi's head. Itachi wasn't having it and was giving as good as he got.

The ensuing tussle had them rolling around on the grass and nearly falling into the koi pond. Since they seemed to be at a stalemate, I decided to rectify that.

"Hold him down!" I call to Sasuke and we quite literally dogpile Itachi. Shisui takes that opportunity to wrestle the necklace onto Itachi and it was _glorious_.

"Why thank you for your help!" Shisui says between snickers and Itachi's probably gearing up to strangle us all. "For that, let Shisui-sensei teach you about the properties of Jade."

Itachi takes that moment to pounce and try to strangle Shisui with his bare hands. Sasuke and I go tumbling off him laughing.

Shisui, the little shit, starts lecturing us on the properties of Jade while Itachi tries his best to strangle his best friend.

"Now, see Jade his highly valuable amongst the civilians." He says while blinking in and out of existence thanks to the shunshin jutsu. Itachi does too chasing him down. It's like the ninja version of whack-a-mole. Just _thinking_ that made me howl with laughter. "But it has unique chakra storing properties. They're rather delicate and a stone can't store that much chakra before it shatters but it's one of the only known materials that can naturally store chakra. Pretty cool right?"

He then gets clotheslined by Itachi. Arm right across the neck.

Itachi then promptly tires to strangle Shisui with the jade necklace.

It was a great afternoon.

Itachi hasn't just aged another year though. He's grown his hair out so long that he's either going to have to cut it or it'll swish around and annoying him. Going by all the fidgeting he's been doing recently with his fringe, I'd have guessed cutting it. But Kaa-san's cooing at how better managed and silky Itachi's hair is now that its long.

Kaa-san was going to win. Which is what made me get Itachi a box of hair ties for his birthday along with the usual dango.

I spotted the hair ties awkwardly clinging to Itachi's hair three weeks later.

"It'll fall out." I inform him giggling at the really bad attempt at a pony tail. It's slightly lop sided like Itachi's craned his neck to watch what he's doing in the mirror. Itachi just sighs and takes out the tie in defeat.

"Then perhaps I'll just have it cut on my next mission." He mutters more to himself than me and I grin.

"Kaa-san will end you." I remind him and Itachi winces at the thought. I pluck the hair tie from his hands. "You should start lower. It's easier than trying to pull it up."

Itachi obligingly sets himself on the floor when I wave for him to get lower. I gather the hair and tie it off at the nape of his neck. I twist the tie around a good four times just to make doubly sure it'll stay.

"You should ask Kaa-san for tips." I say tugging the hair a little just to tighten the do and patted Itachi on the back.

"I fear I won't escape afterwards." Itachi admits only half-joking and stands.

"You're a boy. Kaa-san won't make you sit through _tea ceremony_ lessons." I say wrinkling my nose and Itachi chuckles a little before prodding my forehead.

"I'll see you later Chi-chan." He says and vanishes to do whatever mission is lined up for him to do.

It's really funny, watching Itachi learn to wrangle his hair over the next few weeks. He gets it down to an art form _fast_. But there's still a learning curve and that learning curve had quite a few spectacular instances of bed-head that Itachi will never live down.

I cackled like a madman but being the wonderful little sister that I was, I shared a few hair-care tips with Itachi. Like how putting your hair up was a very good way of _not_ shedding all over the place. And that, yes, brushing it every morning was generally necessary.

Hilarious as Itachi's struggles with his hair was, it didn't really negate the fact that school was fraying my patience. Well, a combination of boredom, annoyance, and the Naruto kid.

It's actually close to the end of our second academy year when the test season is _really_ rolling around that I finally snap.

Naruto, the little shit, had been getting worse and worse and _worse_ as the school year went on. I dealt with it and didn't say anything because I knew where it was coming from. I felt bad for the kid so I figured that the least I could do was let him express himself however he wanted.

But sympathy only got him so far and when Naruto wasted an entire morning shouting at the teacher over the correct reading of some stupid kanji, I suddenly had enough.

We had important information to cover and this _orange idiot_ was potentially whittling down _all_ our chances of survival. We were losing precious time and we were losing potentially life-saving information. All because Uzumaki Naruto refused to sit still for five minutes.

So when the lunch bell finally rang, I shoved my lunchbox at Sasuke with a glower.

"Sasu-nii. You go eat first. I've got an orange idiot to talk to." I grumble and Sasuke arches an eyebrow.

"Just ignore him, they'll kick him out eventually." Sasuke points out and I huff.

"That's what I've been _doing_." I complain and make a face "But he's wasting so much time. We could be learning more important stuff."

Sasuke blinks and then seems to really take stock of how much time we've wasted thanks to Naruto's tantrums.

"Just don't kill him." He says taking our lunches and I nod. No killing. Promise.

I find Naruto easily enough. The orange kind of stands out. He's sitting all alone on a set of swings and I feel a pang of sympathy. I almost back out because he's just a kid. Then I tell myself that if I don't do this, he'll end up a lot worse in future. Someone had to call him out and the sooner the better.

"Uzumaki Naruto." I greet with a bit of a bow. I'm trying to be polite. It's rude to start a conversation hostile and I didn't want to tear into the kid, just knock some sense into that skull.

Naruto glowers at me.

"What the hell do you want?!" He demands rudely pointing and squinting. It looked… ridiculous. I wondered if he thought that made him look threatening. It might… if he had a face like Tou-san and didn't squint _so_ much. But he was a kid with a baby face and scrunching up his eyes and nose didn't make a very intimidating picture.

"I would like to know why you waste so much of everyone's time in class." I say polite as I can. Naruto obviously hears an insult or something in there because he leaps to his feet.

"What did you say?! Huh?!" He shouts getting in my face all puffed up in fury. He'd obviously misunderstood but I was all out of sympathy. So I don't apologize. I do, however, rephrase the question.

"The time you spend arguing with the teacher is time when we could have been learning important stuff. You want to skip class and prank then fine. Go for it. But do it after class. We want to be ninja and that means we want to learn what the teacher has to teach. If you don't want to, that's fine. But stop wasting our time if you're not serious about becoming a ninja."

"I'm serious! I'm gonna be ninja!" Naruto shouts like I'd told him he _couldn't_ do it. That wasn't what I was saying. At all. "And who cares about class?! It's so boring!"

I really wanted to smack some sense into this kid.

"I don't care if you think it's boring. This stuff is important. We were supposed to learn basic medical plants today. If we didn't know that we could _die_ when we get injured out in the field. We could accidentally eat the wrong plant and poison ourselves. They're teaching this for a _reason_." I snap all patience thoroughly lost. Naruto stares at me and blinks.

"So… ya… ya sayin' that this stuff is… useful?" Naruto asks like it's some foreign concept and oh dear god could this kid get any _stupider_? Maybe the Uchiha clan had spoilt me with all their geniuses. Normal children couldn't _all_ be like this?

"Yeah. That's the point. They wouldn't bother trying to teach us otherwise." I say irritated and I just really want to go running back to Sasuke. At least he's intelligent. Three minutes away and I already missed the Uchiha genius kids.

"Oh." Naruto says and he's simmered down and shuffling awkwardly. Sympathy wins. Damn it. He's a cute kid, when he's not being the world's biggest annoyance. Also, he may or may not have suddenly reminded me of Sasuke.

Double damn. Now I'll _never_ be able to stay mad at the idiot. How was that fair?

"Do what you want. Just don't cause too much trouble during class okay?" I ask and Naruto is still shuffling his feet. Oh come on. "And those pranks were pretty cool."

I escape after that because I was _not_ going to subject myself to those eyes. I wasn't. I was _not_ about to cave to puppy eyes when I was the supreme overlord of them. No way in hell.

Sasuke handed me my lunch when I sat down in the Uchiha circle again.

"How'd it go?" He asked and I shrugged.

"I think he got the message. I feel that he was under the impression that the academy was unimportant." I reported and cracked open my lunchbox. I saw the tomato slices and immediately traded them for Sasuke's dorayaki. They're like mini pancake sandwiches that have either chocolate or sweet red bean paste in the middle. Since Sasuke didn't like sweet things but loved tomatoes, he handed them over readily.

"Idiot." Taiyu scoffed trading his dreaded fish with a piece of tofu. He was a final-year student and if it weren't for our position as the kids of the clan head, he would have led this little Uchiha joint by seniority. Since Sasuke and I _were_ the clan head's kids though, we got to call the shots. Within reason. Uchiha were very vocal when they came across a bad idea. Like D-rank missions for example. I nodded.

"Tell me about it. But hopefully he'll get better now." I grumbled and we all sorted out the trades before starting to eat. I was very proud of the fact that the trading was something of a group-wide ritual now. Even Sasuke had bowed to the lure of delicious food.

I hadn't expected much to be honest. Maybe Naruto having it out for me because of the whole 'chewing him out' thing. Or maybe him getting even worse just on principal. I'd hoped that he'd eventually improve but I hadn't thought that it'd be so… _immediate_.

Immediate as in the very next day.

I hadn't thought anything of it when Naruto brazenly stuffed the teacher's drawers with pudding right before class. He was always doing something to the teacher's desk. I wasn't surprised when he got chewed out for it.

I _was_ surprised when he… actually sat still for most of the morning. He didn't shout, he didn't start throwing things, hell, he just sort of fidgeted in his seat and mournfully stared out the window. It was _weird_.

Poor Daikoku-sensei was getting more and more paranoid as the morning went on and to be honest, so were the rest of the class. Naruto _never_ sat still. We sort of all wondered what the hell he was planning.

The lunch bell rang and nothing.

We came back from lunch to find our desks covered in muddy worms. Not that big of a prank even if some of the girls screamed their heads off. It was just worms. Come on.

We waited all afternoon for something to explode but nothing did. It's… weird. Weirdly peaceful and we all booked it out of there the second the home bell rang just in case.

I'd thought that maybe Naruto was feeling a little bit sick or something. There was a bit of a flu that was going around and it'd already knocked out five kids from our class. Kaa-san was very adamant that we don't catch that bug and so we were being filled with healthy food, lots of lemon, ginger and bitter herb tea. It wasn't pleasant and Sasuke complained to whoever would listen about it but we hadn't gotten sick yet. I think Sasuke was trying to get himself sick just on principal now. You know, the standard mutinous kid stuff. It was hilarious to watch him try butt heads with Kaa-san for the first time.

Needless to say, Sasuke lost.

Naruto's sudden turn-around had me floored but what really imploded my brain was when the kid flat out _apologized_. To _me_.

I thought he was going to throw one of his infamous pepper bombs at me when he rather defiantly stood in my way after class. Sasuke saw it and _immediately_ started bristling. We hadn't had and trouble with the other students so far which was probably a good thing. Sasuke's 'fight me' switch got flipped _easily_.

"Get out of the way." Sasuke said with a huff. Naruto actually ignored that. Huh. Sasuke didn't like that _at all_ but before a fight could start, Naruto bowed quick and deep.

"I'm sorry okay!" He said quickly. He was reluctant, but it was the sort of embarrassed reluctance and not the 'I'm forced to do this' reluctance. So he meant it. He straightened and shuffled awkwardly and seemed to soldier on. "I talked with Hokage-jii-jii and he said that you were right. He told me that the stuff they teach _was_ important and I shouldn't disturb the rest of the class coz they wanna learn too. So… sorry."

There were so many things going on right now. Hokage… jii-jii? Grandpa? Well, it wasn't _that_ polite so it's probably more along the lines of 'old dude' Hokage. If I called the Hokage that even just to myself Kaa-san would've sat me through a three-hour lecture on respect, manners, and the proper use of honorifics.

Also… this kid _genuinely_ didn't realize that maybe, just _maybe_ the stuff they taught us could be important? Just… how.

Sasuke had sort of stopped completely. Guess his brain was fried too. I blinked and tried to muddle through it. Right. Okay. Huh. Guess I owed the kid an apology too. He really _was_ just that stupid. He just… hadn't realized the full consequences of his behavior, hadn't realized that what he was doing was _that_ bad. He hadn't _meant_ to cause such an issue.

I bowed back.

"I also apologize. I'm sorry for misjudging you. I thought you were doing it on purpose." I said when I straightened. Naruto spluttered.

"Eh!? You thought I did that to make the rest of you fail?!" Naruto wailed looking slightly horrified. "I wouldn't do that! Not ever!"

"I know that now. I do apologize." I assured and Naruto shuffled. There was an awkward silence in which we run out of things to say.

The silence drags on. Sasuke panics.

"Hn." He says which honestly is the standard Uchiha default response when you had no clue what was going on.

We wave awkwardly and flee.

"That was weird." I remark highly uncomfortable and Sasuke nods.

"Never again." He vows like he's allergic to social interaction and I snicker.

From then on Naruto didn't disturb the class as much and although he still sucked at the whole 'ninja' stuff at least he wasn't as disruptive about it.

Although I was getting slightly creeped out by all the looks he was shooting me. Sasuke obviously wasn't happy with the staring so matched it with his Uchiha-Death-Glare. Number three generally, he cranked it up to number five when he was really irritated.

Yes, the Uchiha had many types of death glares. I got the number four one a lot. It was a sort of a mix between 'what is with you' and 'Your existence displeases me' and 'I would strangle you if I didn't like you so much'. The Uchiha were actually very expressive. If you knew where to look and if you pissed them off enough.

The school year ended and we bid our final goodbyes to Daikoku-sensei. We'd be getting a new teacher and a brand new class next year. They were doing another student-shuffle but I was willing to bet that none of the clan kids got shuffled. They were probably shuffling some of the less promising students out and bringing new ones in. Some kids were late bloomers and others stagnated. The clan heirs were pretty much assured a spot in the slightly more 'advanced' class though. Politics.

We weren't split into advanced and normal classes per say but there was a certain _prestige_ to being in a particular class. We didn't exactly cover material that the other classes didn't cover. We just… did it a bit more in depth. Because we didn't have kids that needed extra help and thus taking up the teacher's time. We were the 'good' class so to speak. The class without all the questions because we'd had either clans or families to answer them. That and it was just _unacceptable_ to have clan heirs in any _other_ class and woe be the poor chuunin who dared suggest such a thing.

This world was like any world. Politics screwed people over.

But since school was out and I had _plenty_ of free time, it was time to rain chaos once again.

I will admit that I actually stole some of Naruto's more inspired ideas and slightly modified them. The kid did good pranks every now and again. I managed to set the _entire clan_ back by three hours without anyone noticing. It was hilarious and required so much prep work that I couldn't pull it again. It basically was plastering all the windows with dark paper and then finding all the roosters and setting them loose in the furthest training field I was allowed access to.

The sun rose, the roosters didn't crow, and it took three hours for everyone to notice. Sure, they had clocks but light-up digital clocks weren't really a thing. They just woke up, stared at the dark windows, and probably thought their internal body clock was faulty. Why check the clock if you _know_ the sun isn't even up yet right?

I wasn't even grounded since the three hour delay meant that Tou-san got to sleep in for once. He was highly appreciative and taught Sasuke and I how to recognize chakra signatures.

Which was really eye opening even if Sasuke didn't get it at all. I kind of felt that the lesson was for _me_ going by the way Tou-san was eyeing me all throughout the impromptu training session.

As it turned out, all that annoying buzzing that was going around inside my head because of chakra? Well, those were chakra signatures. I was sensing the natural fluctuations in a person's chakra and in just the natural chakra in the air. Which was why I could never totally ignore it. It's like listening to music that suddenly changed tune and pitch at random times. You could _try_ to ignore it but as soon as that change happened, it was back front and center.

I understood it better and so it suddenly became _slightly_ less of an annoyance and more of an irritation.

It was _useful_. If I could figure it out.

The issue with chakra signatures as it turned out was that it's… kind of genetic. So relatives would have slightly similar signatures. Guess who all the people around me were. Yeah. My _relatives_. Who, by they way, all share at least some of the genes, which means, you know, very similar chakra signatures.

Tou-san had basically dumped me in the deep end while cackling.

I was getting a very 'ha! Revenge!' type vibe from Tou-san. Turns out, my pranking had rubbed off on the rest of the family.

The rest of the clan was probably freaking out thinking that it was contagious or something. Now _there's_ an idea…

That idea was promptly put on hold because we'd suddenly come across another one of those Uchiha tradition things. Like all Uchiha traditional milestones, they didn't tell us about it before hand. They just pointed at the closest dangerous thing and said 'it'll be fine'.

I would beg to differ since I was currently staring at a very pissed off wild boar. A wild boar that was quite literally the size of a _house_.

"What the hell kind of 'mission' is this!?" I shout in frustration when Itachi plops us up on a roof. The boar was rampaging through a rarely-used supply area in the Uchiha lands. Since there wasn't a lot of stuff there, the clan wasn't too worried which was why they'd sent kids to deal with it.

Yeah. They sent a pair of seven year olds to take down a boar the size of a _house_. Oh, and Itachi was here too. Hundred ryo says he ends up doing all the work.

"Don't worry Chi-chan! We have Nii-san with us!" Sasuke said grinning and pointing at Itachi who nodded. Well, that is true. We both look to him for instruction.

"Indeed. Chi-chan. Help me corner the boar. Sasuke. I want you to pin its tail. We should be able to drive it back to the forest without having to kill it." Itachi said seriously and Sasuke nodded hefting the bow and readying an arrow. The bow and arrow weren't _conventional_ ninja weapons but apparently the Uchiha clan thought that it was worth learning so we learned. It was a relatively _new_ skill for us. New as in we hadn't been doing it since we were three. It was honestly more to build muscle than to develop any real skill in my opinion. It took a hell of a lot of strength to fully draw a war bow. Chakra only went so far and the bow was practically the only weapon that really utilized those back muscles.

Not a conventional ninja weapon but good training tools.

"Okay Ita-nii." I agreed to the plan and was slightly shocked that Itachi handed over explosive tagged kunai. Honestly, who the hell gave seven year olds explosives? Itachi evidently.

When I'd first seen explosive tags in the academy I'd gone 'hah no way' and then I'd eaten my words when we were given a demonstration outside. They were now on my list of 'must learn' fuinjutsu things that made absolutely no sense. What blew up? Where did all that energy come from? All that smoke and _fire_? Because technically, nothing was combusting.

Cartoon logic.

But back to Itachi handing over primed explosives to a seven-year-old. Really brother? _Really_?

The giant pig below us squealed angrily and yeah, he was zeroing in. Great.

"I want you to stay next to Sasuke alright Chi-chan?" Itachi asked not at all fussed and I nodded.

The pig squealed. Sasuke nocked his arrow and lifted the bow drawing it. Itachi leapt.

Kunai thudded to the ground and the explosive tags erupted. The large burst of sound, wind and _chaos_ made the boar pause and stagger.

Sasuke lets loose his arrow.

And completely misses.

The boar doesn't even _notice_ the arrow. It's even _more_ pissed off now and it's charging straight for us.

Sasuke staggers back in alarm and yelps. We're on a _very_ breakable building and in half a second we're going to get demolished.

I was so _not_ going to get killed by a _pig_.

I'd never _actually_ blown anything up before but I figured that it shouldn't be too hard.

So I pour chakra into the tags and throw the kunai as hard as I can at the boar.

Good thing I threw them because apparently, I _didn't_ know how to use explosive tags properly.

The tags blow up before the kunai even hits. The boar's so close that it's not much of an issue but Itachi has to do some fancy aerial summersault to avoid the blast.

There's sound and smoke and we all duck for nonexistent cover.

When we peek back up, we're all thoroughly splattered with boar bits. And I _mean_ splattered. There's blood everywhere and the boar was missing a good chunk of its head. There's bits of brain and I shudder at the eyeball hanging out of the exploded head.

There's a moment of silence as we all process what the hell just happened. Something slides down my hair and splats on my foot.

I look down and immediately shriek.

"Ewwww! Gross!" I wail and frantically shake the bit of bloody _brain_ off my foot. My flailing causes the wet blood to fly and Sasuke yelps.

"Hey! Don't point it at me!" He complains and Itachi gets us down from the roof.

"Completely missed huh." Itachi mused looking at the arrow in the ground.

"Sorry Nii-san." Sasuke says looking down rather down trodden. I nudge him.

"Looks like you still have quite a ways to go." Itachi mused and that was that. I however was becoming aware of a much bigger problem. As in, literally bigger.

"Ne, Ita-nii, Sasu-nii. What're we gonna do with the boar?" I asked pointing to the dead boar and Itachi stared at it.

"Well, I suppose we'll let Tou-sama know. But before that, we should get cleaned up. If we go home looking like this it won't be just Chi-chan who gets grounded." Itachi said amused plucking… was that a bit of _skull_ … out of my hair. Okay. I had boar skull in my hair. Gross. So gross.

We did a quick splash in the nearby river, more like a stream, and Itachi deemed us presentable enough not to get grounded by Kaa-san.

When we got home Kaa-san was already waiting by the door. Evidently, she wasn't as crazy as Tou-san and was actually rather worried about a pair of seven year olds taking on a massive wild boar.

"Oh thank goodness. Are you all alright?" Kaa-san asked when she spotted us and rushed over.

"We got the boar Kaa-san!" Sasuke said immediately perking up "Mission accomplished!"

"I see. That's wonderful." Kaa-san said with a smile "so what happened to that boar in the end?"

"It remains where it fell Kaa-sama." Itachi cut in quickly "We were not able to move such a mass by ourselves. We were thinking of requesting Tou-sama for help. The meat and hide can still be used."

That was the thing about ninjas. Waste not want not. Plus, wild game was hardly anything new, heck, rabbit was even a staple around here. I kid you not. Rabbit. Rabbit actually tasted rather nice.

"Alright. I'll let your father know." Kaa-san said fondly ushering us into the house "Meanwhile, why don't you three get cleaned up? Don't think I don't smell that blood."

She said blood like a parent would say mud or when she had scolded me for grass stains in my clothes. Hey, ninjas. We were kinda flippant about blood. If you weren't seriously injured or bleeding to death it wasn't an issue. If it wasn't yours then it was treated like any other stain. Sometimes, it was treated like any other stain even if it _was_ yours.

We quickly scurried to the bathrooms to get washed up. There were only two bathrooms in the house. One was attached to Kaa-san and Tou-san's room and the other was for the kids. We shared. The thing about Japanese baths was that any sense of modesty kind of flew out the window. In a culture with open air onsen and public baths well, you saw a lot of naked people. Not only that, but it was actually appropriate for siblings to bathe together until they were both hitting double digits. You were actually considered _weird_ if you had siblings and hadn't bathed with them at some point in time. Needless to say, I had seen a lot of naked kids these past seven years. Especially when Sasuke decided for a month that he didn't like pants and… well, it was blackmail gold.

"Come on Chi-chan, sit still." Itachi said amused as he scrubbed at my hair. Due to Kaa-san's insistence, I had hair all the way down to my ass. I'm not kidding, it was that long. She had a thing for doing my hair for me in the mornings even if it was just brushing it out and putting it up into a pony-tail. The consequence of ridiculously long hair however was that I kind of struggled to wash it myself just because of the sheer amount and I was seven. So Kaa-san usually helped me and Itachi took over when he was home.

"Isn't it clean yet?" I grumbled. Sasuke was already happily soaking in the tub and I wanted in too damn it. I was cold.

See, Japanese baths worked like this. The entire room was tiled like a shower stall and had a deep bath. You first washed your body and your hair with the removable shower head that was attached to the wall and once you were clean, you went to soak in the tub. It wasn't an issue if you were a guy. If you were a girl with ridiculously long hair, you got cold. It sucked. Itachi just smiled.

"Alright Chi-chan, close your eyes." He said finally taking his hands away and reaching for the shower head. I perked up. Finally. In short order my hair was rinsed and I was happily plunging into the hot water next to Sasuke. Itachi seemed amused but followed after his added mass causing a bit of the water to overflow.

We were still small enough to all fit in the tub if we all squished a little. Itachi used to have a hell of a time when we were smaller because Sasuke the little brat kept trying to _swim_ in the tub. Japanese tubs were deep, not wide or long. So the kid just ended up flailing and splashing water everywhere. We used to have to _stand_ in the tub for our heads to clear water it was that deep. Actually, I remember that when we were smaller, Itachi had to carry us or else we were liable to drown. Fun times.

I lifted out my wet hair and smacked Sasuke in the face with it. He yelped clawing at the wet tangles and I laughed like a loon.

When we emerged all nice and dry we were notified that Tou-san had arranged for a few non-ninja Uchiha to get the boar sorted. Apparently they were quite happy with the boar. Good to know.

A week later I was actually surprised when Kaa-san gathered us all together and passed out presents. The boar was apparently our first mission _and_ our first kill.

Which… was really, really grim but it made sense. Better for your kid's first kill be an animal than a man. Better to tell your kids that 'killing is okay' when it's just an animal than when it's _human_. Better to make a game of it, an _achievement_ than to say that one day, that boar will be a man, a woman, a _human_.

Desensitization.

Itachi gets a present too. There's some really, _really_ fucked up implication there but I choose to ignore it. I go down the path that tells me they didn't want him to feel left out. It's the kinder road.

Itachi gets leather under-armor made from the boar's hide. Sasuke gets an ivory pendant carved into the Uchiha Police crest and tinted with the appropriate colors. I… get a bone flute.

"We'll begin your lessons tomorrow." Kaa-san said handing the flute over and I splutter.

"Kaa-sannnn." I whine because I'd _just_ been declared skilled enough on the koto to stop learning the damned thing. The koto is like a piano missing the keys. You pluck the strings yourself. It's hell on the nails let me tell you that. It was all part of Kaa-san's never ending ambition to turn me into a proper lady.

At least Sasuke was over the moon with _his_ present.

By the time we started the academy again, Itachi had been accepted into ANBU. No, I'm not joking. He was twelve and he was in the black ops.

Talk about clan genius.

But with Itachi's acceptance into ANBU, there was something… off. It's not that Itachi always came back with darker and darker eyebags, it's not that he and Tou-san seemed to be getting more and more distant. It was… kind of like a clan-wide thing.

There was just something off about the atmosphere in the clan but no one was telling me _anything_. Because I was a child and whatever it was, you didn't tell it to _children_.

Even Shisui who usually didn't shy away from telling me things avoided the subject when I asked. He'd just offered me a bit more advice on how to fix my water walking and promised me a scroll on the basics of fuinjutsu before flat out running for it.

Something was going on but they weren't telling.

It's kind of frustrating because I wasn't _actually_ a child. But unless I wanted to be chucked into the loony bin by proclaiming that I was some sort of reincarnation, I wouldn't get anywhere.

Our third year of the academy started with a new teacher.

We were all rather eager to meet the guy, because he's _new_. I had been right about the class changes. Only a few kids got shuffled. All the clan heirs stayed put.

The new kids stuck out and I felt kind of sorry for them. Cliques were a real and intimidating thing.

Naruto ever the prankster decided that he ought to give the new teacher a _proper_ greeting. So he jammed an eraser in the door and poured oil on the floor. A rather inspired two-layer trap. Oh, and he messed with the clock making it go ten minutes faster. He'd make a hell of a saboteur if he ever chose to go down that path. I kind of doubted he would though. It didn't… it didn't fit his personality. Naruto wanted attention and recognition and right now, pranks were the way to get that. Saboteurs were invisible. No way would Uzumaki 'loud and orange' Naruto go for that.

No one stopped him because that's the thing with kids. They didn't really police themselves. I certainly wasn't going to stop him. In fact, I settled into my usual seat eager for the show.

"Chi-chan." Sasuke sighed knowing _exactly_ what was going through my mind. I shrugged and grinned.

"What? It'll be great."

Sasuke very much didn't believe me but he didn't voice it.

Everyone watched with bated breath when we heard the unmistakable steps of a _teacher_ coming down the wooden hallway. You _always_ knew when it was a teacher coming your way. Sometimes when they wanted to catch you red-handed, they appeared behind you like ghosts. Other times when they wanted order in the classroom before they even set foot in it, they walked a very distinct walk.

I gotta hand it to them. It _worked_.

The door slid open.

The eraser fell onto the floor with a thud. A scowling chuunin walked in.

He was slightly tanned and his hair was pulled back rather severely in a ponytail. He looks… very plain. Brown hair, brown eyes. The only thing that set him apart was a large scar that went across his face cheekbone to cheekbone.

"Who was the one that did this?!" He demands sternly. Naruto doesn't even bother to hide or play innocent. I'm not surprised. Pranks are how Naruto gets attention. Can't get that attention if you don't take credit for your work.

Naruto stands in front of the teacher's desk like it's a taunt and the new teacher takes the bait.

He steps forward briskly. And promptly slips in oil falling flat on his back.

No one quite dares to laugh out loud but I'm not the only kid smothering their snickers.

Naruto roars with laughter and points.

"Ahahahahaha! You fell for it! You fell for it!" He cheers dancing from foot to foot "The eraser was just a trap!"

The chuunin picks himself up and glowers. We all knew what was coming.

"Naruto!" He roars and oh boy this guy had quite the pair of lungs on him. We're all braced for a lecture but suddenly, he stops. He… sort of takes a breath, squares his shoulders and suddenly all that anger's gone. Poof. The hell? "Go back to your seat. Class is starting."

With that, he strides purposefully past Naruto and sets his files onto the desk. Naruto slinks back to his seat. Well that was weird.

The chuunin arranges himself and smiles his best friendly smile.

"How boring. I was looking forward to seeing Naruto get scolded." Someone commented from behind me. Going by the voice and _maybe_ chakra signature, it's Akimichi Choji. The Akimichi clan heir. I say 'maybe' chakra signature because I'm going to be honest, my chakra sensing abilities aren't exactly top notch.

I'm making progress though. Still can't distinguish Sasuke and Itachi but I've got Kaa-san down to an art form. Which provides me a direction in which _not_ to run if nothing else. Tou-san was a work in progress. Sasuke and Itachi… maybe in a few decades.

"Hello everyone!" The chuunin said bright and friendly. Maybe he'd wanted to start off on a good foot with us. First impressions and all. "From today onwards I will be your homeroom teacher. My name is Umino Iruka. My favorite food is Ramen from Ichiraku. I dislike mixed fried rice. My birthday is the twenty sixth of May."

He continues on a little bit more but it's a very generic introduction. Also _Iruka_? Oh how he must have suffered as a child. Iruka meant, quite literally, dolphin. So… yeah, dolphin-sensei. Poor guy. I wondered if he specialized in water type ninjutsu. Or if he decided to troll everyone and go for fire instead. Or maybe lightning just for the sheer 'what the hell' factor. But that's assuming this guy had a sense of humor.

Iruka-sensei's first lesson was boring as all hell. It wasn't his fault. It was just that we'd known this chakra theory since we were _five_. Kaa-san would've skinned Tou-san alive if he let us even _try_ the Grand Fire Ball without knowing the consequences of chakra exhaustion.

I took notes in between doodling dolphins on my notebook.

By the time the lunch bell was set to ring, I was watching the clock and counting the seconds. I was very grateful that Naruto had messed with it. Maybe, if we were lucky, we could get out ten minutes earlier. Wouldn't that be great.

There was a _snore_ from behind me. I turned just to make sure. Yup. That was Naruto, snoozing away.

Iruka-sensei obviously saw too because he came striding up to the back row with a very heavy textbook in hand.

He looked like he was about to wallop Naruto a good one before he stopped. Naruto as if sensing his narrowly avoided doom, woke up on his own.

"Ah, sensei. Has the lesson finished already?" He asked and I had to give the kid credit for the sheer _balls_ of that statement. Naruto pointed at the clock as Iruka seemed to re-think the whole 'beat over the head' thing. "Look! There!"

"Ah, is that the time already." Iruka says as he strides back down to his desk "Then the lesson is over."

He walks out and I stand excitedly. Sasuke pulls me down in exasperation.

"Chi-chan." He sighs and I huff.

"Oh come on, let's make a run for it. Before he comes back." I whine because I'm so _bored_. Sasuke rolls his eyes.

"No Chi-chan." He says and I grumble. Sasuke is proven right when just then, Iruka-sensei comes stalking back in. "See?"

"Hn." I grumble with a pout and Sasuke shoots me his smug look. I stick my tongue out at him. He does it back.

I sort of expected Iruka-sensei to finally snap but nope. The guy had the patience of a saint. He sent Naruto back to his seat like nothing had happened and picked up right where he left off.

My head thudded onto my desk. Booorreeddddd.

Sasuke nudges me.

"Pay attention or I'll tell Kaa-san." He hisses at me the little traitor. I look up and reluctantly take notes.

"Do that and I'll tell her you suddenly hate tomatoes." I whisper back and Sasuke winces. That's right Sasuke. No one out-pranks _me_.

We discuss our new teacher with the Uchiha group at lunch and obtain no information. Apparently, Iruka-sensei is brand spanking new. No wonder he was so patient. The job hadn't gotten to him yet. We talked about how long it would last. Uchiha were rather shameless gossips. It was quite funny. The Uchiha clan had a gossip grapevine like no other. Well, maybe the Yamanaka had us beat. I'm not quite sure. But testament to how much the Uchiha gossiped that a _seven-year-old_ knew about it.

After lunch, I laughed my ass off and Sasuke nearly ran home screaming.

Someone managed to acquire _fans_ over the holidays and it certainly wasn't _me_.

It was Iruka-sensei's idea of a 'fun self-introduction' and 'subtle class assessment' all rolled into one. He thought it was a good idea to make us do the clone jutsu.

And it was a good idea. The clone jutsu is the _first_ of the academy three jutsu. It's the first jutsu that anyone learned. Ever.

Things went as usual. We went through the class roster and some students did good, others… not so much.

Then Sasuke got called and the _squealing_ started.

"Sasuke-kun!" They screamed and Sasuke stiffened. He looked at me his face entirely blank. To a normal person, this would be a perfectly stoic expression. The sort of 'you don't impress me go away' look. It was the Uchiha-asshole-mask as I liked to call it. Sasuke could do it but he didn't do it often. It was his version of a deer in the headlights look. I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing in my poor brother's face.

I did however shove him into the impromptu circle that we'd formed. I grin at him and give him a thumbs up. Sasuke shoots me Uchiha glare number three. I snicker. The girls are still screaming encouragements and poor Sasuke looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and die. Sasuke was a little ball of sunshine wrapped up in adorableness. He loved praise, genuine heartfelt praise. Not this.

My brother had managed to get himself _fangirls_. It was a true effort not to fall over laughing.

"The Bunshin jutsu is child's play." Sasuke says in his best imitation of a scornful Tou-san. Sasuke's knee-jerk panic reaction was apparently to say the most Uchiha thing he could think of. I blink. Its… its so at odds with his personality that its hilarious.

When in doubt, shove a ten foot pole up your ass. Solved all the problems.

The girls squeal and apparently, that was attractive. I hoped to dear _god_ that they grew out of it.

Naruto of course was not happy at all about Sasuke suddenly being in the center of attention. The two sort of… glowered at each other at random times? I don't know. Boys are confusing no matter their age. I think they just rubbed each other the wrong way and were too stubborn to live and let live.

"Why the hell do you always act so smug huh?!" Naruto demanded pointing at Sasuke. The fangirls screamed at Naruto and this was playing out like some absurd comedy sketch. Maybe it _was_ some absurd comedy sketch. Japanese cartoon. Ugh.

"Shut up idiot." Sasuke huffs and I sigh. Sasuke hadn't actually said the _word_ idiot. In this language, that was 'baka' and that was _rude_. Kaa-san had been getting manners pounded into Sasuke's head the past few years. The word that Sasuke actually used was a little archaic. Usuratonkachi. Kind of a mouthful and it meant a small thin hammer. A weird thing to call someone to be sure but _context_. A small thin hammer was useless as a tool. Therefore it was a really round-about way of insulting someone. It also had the added benefit of making you sound all smart and sophisticated.

Naruto obviously didn't understand the word but got that it was an insult so he geared up for round two.

"Don't interrupt Sasuke-kun's concentration!" A girl yelled and the poor Inuzuka puppy winced at the pitch. I look to the source of the sound. Pink hair. No clue what her name was but… _pink hair_. For god's sake. Really? Stupid cartoonish things.

Good lord why. Blond? Sure. Black? Hell yeah. Red? Why the hell not? But… pastel _pink_? That was just pushing it. Spot-the-protagonist game anyone? I did a quick glance around.

Well. Protagonist spotted then. No one else had ridiculously colored hair. Just this girl. Wasn't that a Japanese cartoon rule or something? And I _think_ I remember there being a pink girl in the _two episodes_ that I'd watched. Or maybe the hair was just messing with me.

Either way, steer clear of pinky. Not my circus, not my monkey.

Sasuke weaves the hand seals at Iruka-sensei's prompting.

"Clone jutsu!" he says loud and clear and there's a puff of smoke. I'd discovered that you didn't have to add that 'no jutsu' bit to the end of the name. It was… like an identifier, that yes, this was a jutsu and not some chakra trick. Most ninjas I knew still added it though, it's just one of those things that you did because you were so used to it. I was all for cutting down to the absolute minimum. I felt ridiculous enough, no need to extend my suffering.

Chakra increases in the tree above me. I look up to see the bottom of Sasuke's shoe. The smoke clears and there's two copies of Sasuke standing in the circle of people. Both illusions. The clone jutsu for all its simplicity was actually a weird jutsu. It was an illusion so _technically_ it should have been classified under genjutsu. But it didn't use chakra to directly affect one of the senses which was the basis of genjutsu. You were using your chakra to create an illusionary double. Since chakra was a type of energy, it didn't have solid mass. Hence, illusion.

It's the same thing with the transformation jutsu. But that one's more… solid. You're concentrating that chakra all in one space, you're not trying to make an entire body, just adding on to what's already there. Or hiding it whichever the case may be. Chakra was basically like magic. You could only apply a certain amount of logic to it before it all went crumbling down. It was… a force of energy that Fleur didn't have in her world. So there was only a certain amount of science I could apply to it. That and Fleur hadn't been all that good at science.

Then there's the whole fuinjutsu thing. That was… that was mindboggling.

Naruto charges at the Sasuke-clones and predictably, goes right through them. But that disrupts the chakra holding the illusion together and it comes crashing down with a puff of smoke.

The girls shriek as Naruto goes attacking all the clones and I was not the least bit worried.

Finally, when both clones had gone poof, Sasuke drops from the tree with a smirk. He loses the smirk when the cheers start.

"Amazing. He made three clones and the real one moved to a different spot in an instant." Iruka said truly impressed. Someone was getting an A.

"Hmph! I can do that too!" Naruto declares and slams his hands into the ram seal. This… would not end well. "Clone jutsu!"

A puff of smoke and a faded rather… floppy Naruto-clone appears. I stare at it. It's kinda cute, in a ridiculous sort of way.

The class erupts into laughter and Naruto shrinks in on himself. Children. I kind of feel sorry for the kid though and Iruka seems to feel it too because he quickly moves things along.

"Alright! Next up, Uchiha Chiyomi!" He calls and Naruto get shuffled out of the circle. Hopefully the incident would be forgotten soon enough. Children had short memories.

"Clone." I mutter because I was _not_ going to yell it. Ever. There's a puff of smoke and a perfect clone appears next to me. It's painfully average if you compared it to Sasuke's display of skill. I wasn't bothered. What was important was to get more people to do the jutsu. If someone else failed, then Naruto's humiliation would be forgotten.

I was right and someone _did_ fail. Kind of mean to be rooting for a kid to fail but now Naruto wasn't the only one and the laughter of the class wouldn't be quite so biting.

The excitement of 'new sensei' wore off quickly enough and things went back to normal within the week. I had to admit, Iruka-sensei was a good teacher. He was the type of person that just honestly _liked_ kids, even though he knew what little shits they could be. Classes, were still boring as all hell.

Things were going well. Things were going _so_ well. Then… then things didn't.


End file.
